Hallucinations, Delusions, Illusions and Paranoia . . .

March 31, 2014


I didn't know that hallucinations, delusions, illusions and paranoia all come with Alzheimer's disease! Now I know. They do.  I guess they often come with the territory, and WOW!  I can't get over what an interesting and cruel disease this is and how difficult it can be for the primary caregivers . . . AND for the person with the disease! My Mom seems to be getting slightly worse by the week now! 

My Mom and Dad flew to Colorado today to go visit my one of my brothers and his family.  My Dad has expressed to me a few times in the last few weeks how nervous he's been to go to Denver and take my Mom into a new environment . . . with people she might not recognize.  I got a call from my Dad from the airport this morning as they were just about to board the plane.  Things seemed to be going ok.  I'm sure it was a challenge getting packed for both of them, but they made it to the airport, and I was happy about that.

Now that they are there, my Mom believes that she has been taken to a strange place, to an unknown house, with a man "from her neighborhood" that she thinks might be trying to take advantage of her.  My older sister and I spent some time on the phone with her trying to convince her otherwise . . . with no luck!  "He is not my husband!"  "I can't believe you actually believe it's him."  "You need to believe me when I tell you it's not him."  "This guy is scaring me!" I assured her repeatedly that she was safe, nothing bad would happen to her, and in fact she was going to have a fun week with her son, daughter-in-law and 4 of her grand kids.  I even tried to explain to her that her Alzheimer's disease was making her forget about who her husband is, and that "that man" was nice and is not going to hurt her.  I don't think she bought any of it!  But I hope with a little sleep tonight, tomorrow will be a better day!  I hope they end up having a good week and won't have to come home early! 

Ensign Peak, March 28, 2014

Last Friday my Mom and I went on a fun little hike up to a peak above downtown Salt Lake City called Ensign Peak.  It's actually the same place where my hub Matt and I got engaged and it's beautiful up there.  The views are amazing!  We asked a few different people to take our picture while we were at the top and I love that my Mom still has her sense of humor.  Each time someone went to take our picture, she said, "Make sure you make us look good!" and then laughed a little.  She still gets jokes and we can still laugh at things together and I am grateful for that! 

My Mom talked a lot about her childhood on that hike and after the hike and kept bringing up how this was bringing back memories of when she used to play in that neck of the woods.  At a nearby cemetery, she would often play hide and seek with her friends and siblings as her grandpa was the sexton of the cemetery.  Her grandma and my great grandma lived near there years ago and her family even lived in a home nearby.  She spent a lot of time at those homes and it was fun to hear her talk about those memories!  I'm grateful for any memories she still has!  We were able to drive by and see those two homes and she even remembered the addresses from way back then!  

Great Grandma Storr's house in the Avenues of Salt Lake City

On our drive home my Mom kept talking about the third person in my back seat and asking if they were ok.  I assured her a few times that it was just the two of us.  When we returned to their home, she once again took me into her bathroom with the full length mirror to again show me their "visitor" that was looking in on them.  She keeps the bathroom door shut as a result!  Such a sad and scary way for her to live!  
 





Memory Book:  

Me: Who is the oldest person in your family you can remember knowing when you were a child?  What do you remember most about that person?

My Mom:  I remember traveling often to visit my Great Grandma Simmons in Payson, Utah.  Deanne (her sister) and I would go with Granny and Grandpa Storrs.   Great Grandma Simmons lived on a farm and had lots of animals . . . and I remember them churning their own butter.



Flashing back to 6 years ago . . . 

January 11, 2008

    Another busy Christmas season over!  It’s always a little stressful for me, but I made it!  Right around Christmas we had quite a bit of family time because for the first time in a few years, my entire family was in town and together  -- from Colorado, Maryland, Massachusetts, and of course Utah.  Our family is a little spread out right now across the country and I’m sad about it.  Sunday dinners as an extended family just aren’t the same without half the fam.  We even had a big family portrait taken, which I have a feeling might be the last for a long long while.  I wouldn’t say this to anyone because it sounds too morbid, but it might be the last photo taken of all of us on this earth.  I’m so glad that we did it! 

    My Mom seemed so good over Christmas!  She seemed happy and just herself.  On occasion she would repeat a question or tell me something twice in a short period of time, but for the most part I’m just enjoying good quality time with her!  She’s such a good lady and it kills me to watch her frustrated over her mind.  I’ve mentioned this before but she’s completely aware of her difficulty with pulling up certain information.  When I ask her a question about when and where we’re doing something, she always has to ask my Dad and can not remember little details like that. 

    I left my cell phone at my parent’s house over Christmas and my Mom brought it to me last week.  She came with me to return a few Christmas clothing items at a store and we ended up going shopping for a little bit and going out to lunch.  Her love for shopping is just the same!  I think she’s always enjoyed shopping and has always been so willing to buy me whatever I want.  I think I was quite spoiled as a child growing up in her home.  Even now she’ll say, “I’ll put some money towards that” or “Do you need a new jacket?”  We had a good time and I will always treasure these little experiences I get to have with her. 

    I talked to my Dad on the phone yesterday and he told me one of his worst nightmares happened yesterday.  My heart dropped as I could only imagine what had happened – a car accident? she got lost? she entered the freeway going the wrong way?  I was relieved to find out that fortunately it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it could be.  One of her tennis friends called to find out if my Mom was on her way to her tennis match.  She wasn’t and she was late!  My Mom had either written it down on the wrong day or somehow she just didn’t get the details straight.  Those situations really frustrate my Mom!  My Dad said he knew she’d come home upset about it.  I feel so bad for her!  Can you imagine functioning in this life with very limited short term memory?  How would you do anything?  And the even sadder part of it is that she is aware of her lack of memory and expressed to me the other day at lunch that she often can’t find certain words that she’s looking for in her mind. 

    I’ve been waking up early in the mornings, and while still lying in bed I try to come up with some way that I can also help my Dad through this most difficult situation.  This has got to be so hard on him, knowing that he’s going to be babysitting her from now until the end.  “At what point do you take her car away?”  I asked my Dad that question the other day on the phone.  My Dad wasn’t sure but knows that time is coming.  For the most part I think she does pretty well in the car, but how long will that last?  My Dad said that she’s not doing well with just the basic everyday details of life.  My concern about her when she gets to the point of not being able to be left alone is ‘who will take care of her?’  Will we take turns staying with her?  Will she be put into a home?  I would want her to stay home and we’d take turns taking care of her.  She deserves that and we all owe that to her!

All 8 of us reunited in about 2012 . . . a rare occasion to be all together!

Well I came up with an idea the other morning.  Since I have a hard time talking to anyone about my Mom and her condition in person (because I cry and get upset), maybe I’ll start writing my Dad emails and we can support each other that way.  Then my Dad will have a way to express his feelings too.  I’m thinking that might be therapeutic for him, and for me.  Knowing my Dad, he doesn’t talk to anyone about it and probably bottles it all up.  I think he needs to let it out!  I just would never want my Mom to find the emails because I think she’d be devastated if she knew we were talking about her behind her back and how much we worry about her!