My Mom's social calendar was empty today and tomorrow . . . no luncheons or tennis matches or anything! Since my Mom can no longer entertain herself very well, I think these kinds of days are difficult on my Dad. If he has any work he needs to get done, I think he has a difficult time doing so. He feels the need to be doing something with her. He can't very well even let her go on a walk by herself anymore.
A few days ago I told my Dad that I would come and take her on a hike or do something with her either today or tomorrow. Well today turned out to be a cold and rainy/snowy day and so I thought that tomorrow would definitely work better . . . since sun is in the forecast tomorrow! I called my Dad to talk to him about it and he told me he needed to call me back.
A short time later, he called back . . "We're havin' a lot of fun over here, Mardi!" He had been right in the middle of a little incident when I called. Since my Mom didn't have anything to do, she told my Dad that she wanted to go play tennis down at Coach Mike's Tennis Center. She was just going to walk on down and go see if her friends were there. My Dad told her she couldn't just show up like that because that's not how it worked. Normally they call first when they needed her to fill in. My Dad could not convince her that she could not just go show up! She insisted on walking down there, which is probably a little over a mile to get there.
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| Walk/hike at Alta Ski resort last year . . . she loves picking the flowers! |
The rain had stopped and she took off all on her own. My Dad said he had no choice but to let her go. Within the hour my Dad got calls from at least 3 people telling him that they had seen her walking, and should they pick her up? Finally the last person just picked her up and brought her home. I called just as she was getting home. She was frustrated and could not understand why my Dad wouldn't want her to be able to play tennis with her friends! I even talked to her for a few minutes and tried to convince her that her friends were most likely not even there, and if they were, they probably already had the 4 people they needed. "No, it's not like that Mardi. You can just show up!" I was not successful and she was not happy . . but she still tried to assure me that things were fine there! I too was not convinced! Frustrations all around! I feel so bad for both of them!
Memory Book:
A few years ago I received a memory book from a friend that includes all sorts of questions that you can ask a loved one, and then you fill out this memory book and have it to keep for years to come. Over a period of many months, I was able to get most of this book filled out for my Mom. I believe I captured some priceless memories that will be handed down through the generations. I wanted to include some memories from that book . . .
Me: "Why were you given your name, Merrilee? Were you named after someone else?"
My Mom: My parents saw my name in some funny papers and changed it a little. Many people have been given my name since . . . it's a popular name . . Merrilee Lloyd, Merrilee Bench, Merrilee Richards. . . I've always liked my name because it's a happy name."
Me: "Did you have nicknames growing up?"
My Mom: "Always! I've always had nicknames for as long as I can remember. My parents and grandparents used to call me Mem. I don't know where that came from, but my guess is that I couldn't pronounce my name and maybe called myself Mem? . . . Dad used to call me
Memsie Bob Doodle Toots :) (I love this one!) . . . . Steve Stewart (one of their friends) called me Z-Bob, which originally came from Dad . . . also Merlee from Dad." I used to call my Mom Meermore. :) I call her "Mims" or "Mumsie" right now.
Flashback to 6.5 years ago . . .
October 9, 2007
My Mom
called me the other morning to tell me she was going to go look around at IKEA
and wondered how to get there since it is just a mile or two from our
house. Although the store opened many
months ago, I had not been there yet because I have feared the crowds. Anyway, I thought it would be fun to go with
her that day.
My Mom
was a half hour late getting to my house that day. She said she thinks she made a wrong turn
somewhere and drove around for quite a while.
At least she made it! It makes me
wonder how long she will be driving and how long she will be able to get around
safely, without getting lost. She drove
over to IKEA that day and she seems to be doing just fine. I hope it lasts!
Oftentimes
when my Mom goes to say something, she loses her train of thought and can’t
remember what she was going to say. I do
that too occasionally, as I’m sure everyone does, and it’s frustrating! I can’t imagine what it would be like to have
that happen almost every time you open your mouth to say something. My Mom made the comment on our 5-minute drive
to IKEA that she has “always had just a strong and keen mind and it’s so
frustrating to not have my mind work the way it used to.” I feel for her frustration!
We had a
good time strolling through IKEA that day for a few hours. I have to cherish every experience that I
have with her like that! I wonder how
many times we have been shopping together in my lifetime. I’m sure that it is hundreds and hundreds of
times . . . grocery shopping, school clothes shopping, Costco, mall shopping
etc. We’ve had some great times
together. I don’t think I’ll ever forget
all the times she used to take me school shopping every year right before
school started. Unlike myself who is
very conservative and I don’t like spending much money, my Mom used to go crazy
buying us kids clothes. It was great! She has always wanted the best for us and has
spoiled us rotten!
Anyway,
there was one more specific thing that my Mom said that day we went to IKEA
that stands out in my mind. She said to
my four year old son, Spencer, who is going through a “no kissing” stage and
would not give her goodbye kisses. She said, “There’s going to be a day that I am dead
and no longer here and you will be sad that you didn’t give me lots of
kisses.” Of course she was just teasing
him and having some fun with him, but that hit me as being so true! I wanted to force him to kiss her that
day. Fortunately, my daughter Sarah ran
across the room and threw her arms around her and said, “I will give you
kisses!”
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| City Creek shopping center in Salt Lake with extended fam! |
I have a
neighbor and friend down the street, Becky in my ward, whose Mom is also showing
signs of Alzheimer’s disease. We don’t
talk about our Moms too often, as it’s too painful to talk about (at least for
me), but we did talk about them a few days ago for a few minutes. I was proud of myself for keeping my emotions
in check for most of the time until the very end. It’s good having someone that you know can
relate. Thanks Becky for listening and
for understanding!
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