Two days ago (on Saturday) I sat down next to a gal in my neighborhood at one of my youngest son's basketball games. I can't remember exactly what we were talking about, but we somehow got on the random topic of loved ones who have died and feeling their presence from the other side. I always had the belief that once my Mom passed away, I would feel her often. It hasn't been the case unfortunately. I had just decided that she must be keeping real busy over there on the other side. Although my thoughts are with her often, I haven't felt like I have had a real experience when I felt her presence.
Until now. I think I may have had my first experience with feeling like she was there . . like I actually spent some time with her! Yesterday (Sunday), in the early hours of the morning, I had a dream, and the dream even woke me up, earlier than I wanted to get up. It's not too often that I can remember much about my dreams but this one seemed different. It was so fresh on my mind and it seemed so real! It was random and a bit strange, but I guess that's how dreams are, right?
This is what I remember . . I was at Costco with my Mom and my Dad and my sister Paige. We were walking up and down the isles talking and shopping. I don't remember much of what was said or too many specifics, but I do remember how I felt and one thing that my Mom said right before I woke up. The mood was light and happy, and in reference to my Dad, she said, "There's one thing I want you to remember, and that is . . he's mine and only mine!" It was said in a playful sort of way, the way she used to be with my Dad when she would give him a big smoocheroo right in front of us, or when she would "jibby our buns" (soft pinches on our behinds that is a common occurrence amongst my Mom and her siblings. :)) My Mom and Dad were walking in front of us playfully holding hands, which was not a common site to see with them. They were not known to hold hands in public much that I can remember. The visual will forever be in my mind of them walking out the exit doors of Costco smiling and holding hands. I had the feeling that this was a rare occasion with my Mom and was not going to last long, so I hurriedly tried to get my phone out to take their picture as they held hands . . . but I didn't quite make it before I woke up. Haha I wish I could take photos that would last in our dreams! I guess my memory will have to do!
This might not sound like any big deal, but it felt so real to me. I felt like I had just seen her and spent some time with her. I woke up with a headache so I got up to take some medicine and as I sat and recalled this dream, the tears came back. I think these might be my first tears in a few months as time has definitely made my tears fewer and farther between. The tears flowed freely for probably 10 minutes. They were tears of happiness for feeling like she is so happy, and for the great sadness I feel at the same time. I miss her so darn much sometimes that I can hardly stand it!
I have to look at this experience as a little tender mercy . . . as a small message from my Mom that all is well and good over there on the other side. Yes, perhaps it was just a dream and a dream only . . . but I am going to look at it as a bit more than that! My Dad sometimes makes the comment that he hopes my Mom remembers him and still likes him when they finally get to reunite. I hope this gives him some comfort that of course she will remember him, she's happy and is patiently waiting for their reunion when they will get to spend eternity with each other!
Dreams are peculiar things! But I am ever so grateful! Hopefully there will be similar dreams down the road!
Here are a couple of my Moms journal entries from the late winter and early spring of 1981, exactly 36 years ago when I had just turned 12 years old . . . in her own handwriting! The first one is just a random journal entry with a picture she drew of her infected eyes . . . I thought it was cute and funny! And I've posted this last journal entry before, but it's just too good not to post again and again . . . this time it's in her own handwriting! I want for all of her posterity to read it! Such a good message!