Today would have been Mom's 73rd birthday! Anticipating her birthday has made me think a lot about her lately . . . even more than usual! I find myself going back to old blog entries that I've written from the past, and reading and reliving some of the days we had with her and her disease. I'm surprised how easily the tears still flow as I read and remember.
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| Chi Omega pledge day, 1987 (Mom was a ChiO too!) |
I'm so happy to be on this side of it now and not where we were a year ago. One year ago my Dad was talking about putting my Mom into a Memory Care place and that put a huge pit in my stomach. Her first day at the facility was September 28th . . I will not forget! I'm so happy to know she is now in a good, safe, and happy place! I miss her terribly and hope that there are some big celebrations going on in heaven today!
Yes, it gets a bit easier with the passing of time, but I think my teary moments will come sporadically for the rest of my days here on earth without her. It's just not the same and sometimes I wonder how I'm doing it without her.
I really can't speak for my siblings and for my Dad but I'm pretty sure they feel the same way and have their moments as well. We probably all will for the rest of our days.
In honor of my Mom, our family, the ones that live nearby, are gathering for dinner tomorrow at my Dad's and then visiting her graveside. 8 months out and I still feel teary thinking about it.
In going through old journal entries of my Moms, I came across one that she wrote on her birthday in 1978 . . . and a few journal entries after that . .
September 10, 1978 Sunday
I'm 35!!! -- and never felt better. Bore my testimony at church, was set apart as mutual president afterward. Mike gave me a new freezer, went to Margaret's for a nice dinner and ice cream and cake.
September 16, 1978
Canned peaches all morning with Grandma Cora and Grandma Margaret. Went down to Foothill Village long enough to see Paige (sister) come in from her 6 mile jogging race. Looked pooped but finished.
Saturday night was a special fireside at the Tabernacle with Spencer W. Kimball, the main speaker, along with Barbara Smith (General RS Pres) Elaine Cannon (Mutual Pres) and Ruth Funk (past Mutual President). It was the "first of its kind" fireside for all women of the church.
Paige, Michelle Mattsson (sister's friend), Anne Stewart (Mom's friend) and I all went together. We sat right in the middle of the main floor. Thanks to Marilyn Ebert who saved us a seat. Afterward we bought peach pie and clam chowder and came back to our house to eat.
September 18, 1978
It snowed last night! Michael (brother) has a bad cold. Cammy and Katie (sisters) stayed the night with Grandma Margaret and Cora. I am working hard on a Mutual New Beginnings program, along with Anne Stewart.
Mike and I have never been closer or had a better relationship!
Mardi broke a bone in her hand last week. (It got her out of practicing the piano for a whole week.)
One last journal entry I want to include . . skipping ahead a few years . . . I turned right to this today and LOVE IT!
I don't express often enough how grateful I am for all of my blessings -- particularly my children and husband and the church. If I could ever have a wish, it would be to have all of us live so that we could be together always.
I also pray that my children might have testimonies and marry in the temple. But more than marrying in the temple, that they might feel the satisfaction of an eternal and happy family themselves. I also pray for motivation for my children - motivation to develop talents, do well in school, be honest and hard working -- and also be sensitive and kind and of service to others.
In the case that my children and grand kids might read this someday when I am dead, I hope you will be turned outward and not inward -- not always worrying about yourself, but others. This is hard to do unless you're self esteem is high and you feel good about yourself . . then thoughts are more easily turned to others. Do for others constantly.
It's 12:20am and I'm tired - the message is not eloquent, but sincere.
I love you kids and your father! The church is true! Be strong in keeping Heavenly Father's commandments!
What a treasure to have, Mom! Miss you and love you beyond anything I could ever say! Happiest Birthday! xoxox
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