Squeeze your loved ones extra tight today!

November 20, 2016
 

Beautiful Costa Rica . . a little glimpse of heaven!

It's been exactly ten months already since Mom passed!  I keep thinking about what was happening with her at about this very time last year. It was not a good time. I had a pit in my stomach every day that she was at her care facility. It wasn't that the center was inept or bad in any way. It was clean, the people were nice, the care was good as far as I could tell etc. It was just the thought of her sitting in her room alone with no family around that made me so sad and feeling uncomfortable all the time. It's hard to think about and I tear up just writing about it. 

 

4 generations . . . November 18, 2015

Ironically, here is a video that I just found yesterday on my I-phone that was created automatically on my phone . . . "On this Day one year ago . . . "

A few weeks ago I was driving out in the west part of Salt Lake City, headed to a basketball game of one of my boys, and going in the direction of that memory care facility, and the fresh memories came flooding back. The tears came fast and took me a little off guard. Sometimes I am surprised at how easily the tears still flow at times.  

It's good to be on this side of things for sure . . . where she is happy and safe and with many of her loved ones on the other side! But, oh how I miss her! I have moments that come mostly out of the blue where I miss her so darn much, that I just can hardly stand it.  Tears flow fast and hard and drop off my face for just a few minutes at a time . . . and then life goes on as normal. Perhaps this will happen for the rest of my earthly life.

Certain things remind me of Mom on a regular basis, and I am happy about that. I think of her as I look up to the mountains that we have climbed many times together. I will hold those memories close forever. And certain music I listen to reminds me of her . . . especially Sleeping At Last music from her viewing video. (Click the link for a little sampling.) She loved music with a beat or beautiful, classical music and could often be found dancing around. Last Sunday as my extended family gathered at my Dad's house, I put my foot up on the wall in the front courtyard of their house, and put my hand straight up in the air, and sung out in glee.  "Who am I?" I asked. Everyone knew that was what Mom used to do along with her heal clicks and cart wheels.   

We say "Hi Mimsie" to her as we drive past the cemetery where she is buried . . every time we go to my Dad's. I'm yet to go to the cemetery and walk up to her grave site without getting emotional.  Maybe one day.  

Dad and I going on the first of seven zip lines

A month ago my family and a group of my extended family traveled to Costa Rica for a week long vacation.  Her absence was definitely noticed.  I'm yet to have an experience where I feel my Mom's presence strong and close, but I may have had a little taste.  We were zip lining at a place called Ocean Ranch and were on our last of 7 rides down the beautiful mountain.  We had a small climb up a hill to get to the top of the zip line . . and there was the most beautiful butterfly fluttering around right in front of me. My sister in law Jennie noticed it too. To me that was a sign that she was there! Ever since I read the book "Still Alice" about the butterflies, they have been special to me. Just because their lives have been cut a little short, they still lived a beautiful life . . . or something like that. :) I continue to wear my butterfly ring on my right hand and will always think of her when I see butterflies! 

Quote from Still Alice

Mom would have loved that trip, and that whole experience of being with many of our family members!  

Oh, how I miss her, and always will!  Thank goodness for the knowledge and belief that I will get to see her again one day.  Can. not. wait! Keep exploring those heavenly hills Mom.  Can't wait for some heavenly hikes with you! 

PS. This morning we just got word that a group of Britton's (my 16 year old son) friends were in a car crash late last night and two of them passed away.  Britt is shaken up pretty bad as he just hung out with Ethan Friday at lunch and then that night at the school play, and he has English with all the girls involved.  I am extra emotional just thinking of them and their families today and how their lives are changed forever.  Just another reminder of just how fragile this life is.  Hang on extra tight to your loved ones today! Prayers and love go out to all the families involved! 
 

Britton in Costa Rica, 2016

 
Hey Mom, will you find Lexie and Ethan and give them a big hug from all their friends and their families?  Tell them that they will be missed and never forgotten!  xox 

Britt posted a photo of Ethan on Instagram where his head is thrown back and Ethan is laughing. Britt says "this is how I will always remember Ethan, always laughing and making everyone else's day. Friendships last forever. Love you Ebot. D&C 121:9" (See photo below.) Click here to watch the Channel 2 News Story . .

PSS.  My thoughts and prayers are also with the Jon Schmidt family as they will lay their beautiful daughter Annie to rest tomorrow.  xox

Britton's Insta photo!

Vigil for Lexie and Ethan at Draper Park