Lost and Remaining Abilities!

March 20, 2014

 As I laid in bed early this morning, I was sad thinking about all the things my Mom has lost her ability to do, due to her Alzheimer's disease.  She has lost the ability to . . . 

-- Drive  (Her license was taken away a few years ago and up until a few months ago she used to talk about how mad she was she couldn't drive, and she was confident that she would have been fine on the roads.  I'm confident my Dad made the right decision to take it away when he did.)

-- Read books and newspaper  (Just until a few months ago, I believe my Mom was reading the paper and trying to still read her books for book club and just for fun, but I think her ability is now totally gone.  Some of it might be due to the fact that she doesn't see well and often doesn't have her contacts in or glasses on . . . but mostly I think it's just the disease!)

-- To write (Up until a few years ago, we all received Valentine's cards from my Mom every February in the mail.  I didn't realize at the time what treasures those are now! I hope I kept them all!  Slowly we have watched her ability to write go down hill this last year. First I saw her misspelling words like my name, but now her writing is hardly even legible.  :( )

--  Pick out her own clothes (I believe my Dad has been helping her pick out her clothes for the last few years, but now I think he even helps her dress.  Numerous times my Dad has attempted to clean out and organize all her clothes in her closet, but it doesn't take long for all the clothes to get all mixed up again.  A few years ago I even was in on the project and thought I was helping out by putting labels on all her drawers and shelves in her closet.  It didn't really work and the clothes all got mixed up anyway.)

-- Do her own hair and make-up  (It's been quite a few years now that my Mom has not been wearing any of her usual make-up that she always used to wear.  I think the only make-up she wears now is a little lipstick and she still puts that on herself.  My Dad has been doing her hair for a while now . . . maybe the last few years?) 

-- Make rolls and donuts and sweetrolls and all the good food she used to make.  (My Dad took over on the cooking a number of years ago, and he's doing a great job, I might add. I have joked with him that he should probably open up his own shop! I don't want to forget that my Mom was also a great cook.  Some of my favorites she used to make were chicken/broccoli casserole, her home made rolls, glazed donuts that we would help her dip, home made sweetrolls, Cheese fondue, orange rolls etc.  I think even she has forgotten that she used to cook, and that she was good at it!)  

One of my Mom's great paintings!  I love this one! 

-- Paint  (About 10 years ago my Mom took up painting.  One of her friends taught water color lessons and so she spent a lot of time at painting class and just painting on her own at home.  Interestingly, I think she took up painting after she started showing symptoms of the disease and some of her paintings are pretty darn amazing!  I have a few hanging in our house as I know my siblings do too!  She has now lost all ability to paint . . as of probably a year or two ago.  I'm so happy to have a handful of her paintings that I can keep or pass on to my kids!)  

-- Remember the names of her friends  (Can you imagine how hard it would be to never be able to remember any of the names of your friends or neighbors?  I can just imagine how frustrating life would be all the time!  Every once in a while, she will pull up a name of somebody, and surprise me, but most of the time now, she just says something like, "You know that lady that lives up the street who we have known for a long time . . . ")

-- Remember her grand kids and husband  (There has only been a time or two where my Mom has confused who I am . . . so far.  She has asked, "Now how do the two of us know each other?" or "Tell me about yourself.  How many kids do you have? Tell me about them." Other than that, I'm pretty sure she has known who I am.  Sadly for my Dad though, and my sister who are with her most often, she often gets confused as to who they are!  My sister is often called HER sister and my Dad is often just a stranger staying at their house . . who always answers their phone!)

-- Remember where the dishes go in her own kitchen  (I noticed as she was putting the dishes away on Sunday, when we were eating over there, that she did not know where to put her spatula and different items around the kitchen.  I'm sure that my Dad finds things in the most peculiar places!)
 
-- Put clean clothes away in the right places (My Dad has expressed to me that the laundry situation is pretty frustrating!  I don't think my Mom can keep track at all which clothes are dirty and which ones have been washed and dried.  I'm sure that clothes have been washed and rewashed or haven't been washed at all before wearing them again.  And then when my Mom goes to put the "clean" clothes away, my Dad says he finds them all over the place!  It's not unusual to find my Dad's socks in my Mom's drawers and for my Mom to be found wearing them!)   

As sad as this makes me, I have to remember the things that she still CAN do!  I'm sure there will be a day that I wished she could do the following . . . 

-- My Mom can still clean and do dishes!  On Sunday when we ate dinner together, as usual she automatically goes to work to get the dishes done, and she seems to know mostly what she's doing.  She might not stack them as efficiently as she used to, but it works!  My Dad says my Mom has lost her ability to entertain herself and sometimes has absolutely nothing to do . . but cleaning is something she CAN do!

Hot mama on the tennis court!

-- She is still able to play tennis . . to what extent I'm not sure.  When she was around my age (45), we need to remember that her and her team took Nationals in the 4.5 division!  She was a GOOD player!  She is still filling in as a substitute in some of the groups of ladies about once a week and says she is really enjoying that.  I really wonder how much of her ability she has lost??  I played with her a little over last Thanksgiving holiday last year and her hand/eye coordination was a little slow and not where it used to be.  She missed a handful of balls because she wasn't quick enough.  Part of me is tempted to ask some of her tennis friends that she plays with, but the other part of me doesn't want to know.  All I know is that she still loves tennis! She sometimes talks about it like it's a new game she's just discovered . . . "a fun game where you get on teams and hit a ball over a net." I'm just so grateful that her friends still include her and show patience with her.  Bless them!  Bless you whoever you are! 

-- My Mom can also carry on conversations on the phone and in person, act friendly, understand and laugh at jokes, show emotion, show love and affection, eat by herself, answer the phone with proper manners, and go on walks and hikes with me!  

I am sad for the things that my Mom can no longer do, but grateful for the things that she can!  Love her so much and so happy that we can still hike and walk and shop and go out to lunch together!!  

My Dad told me the other day that he was talking to a few of his friends and acquaintances that also have wives with Alzheimers disease.  I'm sure that gives him some comfort and peace knowing he is not alone.  Anyway, they were comparing what stages their wives are at and my Dad said he was surprised at how very different each case is!  For example, one of his friend's wives is in diapers and is more progressed than my Mom, yet has not forgotten her husband at all!  Such an interesting disease! 

Just heard on the news today that 1 in 6 women are expected to get Alzheimer's during their lifetime!  Yikes!  Please don't let that be me!

Flashing back to 7 years ago . . . 
 
March 6, 2007                                                            Tuesday

    It’s been quite a while since I’ve seen my parents.  They are keeping really busy with their travels around the world teaching 3rd World countries about Neonatal care.  They’ve been traveling about once every other month for a few years now and I think and hope that it’s coming to an end soon.  For one, I think they’re getting a bit tired of it, and two, I have the feeling it might be getting a little harder with my Mom.  I think for my Dad, it’s a bit like babysitting.  Although he’s never said anything about it being hard, I just get the feeling that it’s tough on him!  It’s such a sad thing – if my Mom were in her totally right mind, she would be mortified to know that she was a burden to someone else.  She would hate it!  Why is this happening to her this way?  What are we all to be learning from this?  All I know right now is that it’s very painful for me to sit back and watch.  Again, most of the time I can hold myself together pretty good and can fake it out in public, but deep down inside I am hurting!  It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever had to witness and I’m trying my very hardest to be strong.  I need to be strong for her, for my kids, and for my Dad.  We can do this!!

Although my Mom’s memory has seemed to be about the same for the last year or so, I have seen the situation worsen just a little in the last few months.  It’s getting a little worse with her repeated questions and actions.  Her short term memory is not good!

Right now, fortunately for my parents, they are enjoying a relaxing (finally!) trip to Acapulco with some old friends of my Mom’s from high school.   I have been looking forward to this for my Mom for a long time because she has needed a break.  She seems anxious and stressed often and I hope this rejuvenates her for a long time!  I hope she has many hours where she can just sit on the beach, read, sunbathe, and just relax to her heart’s content!  She deserves it! 

I wonder how obvious her memory loss is to her old friends.  Although it would be painful for me to know, I would be interested in talking to one of them and finding out if all seemed normal with her.

I think my Mom is getting to the point where she is not going to be able to be left alone.  About a month ago when she flew to Colorado to help out my sister Katie who just had a baby, there was a little problem with her in the airport by herself.  My Dad did not fly with her because he had a commitment he had to be to and could not meet her there until a few days later.  I was very worried about her flying alone!  I think my Dad and sister Paige downplayed it with me as not to upset me, but when my Mom landed in Denver, she ended up going to the wrong carousel to pick up her luggage and went to meet Katie’s husband Adam about an hour late.  Katie and Adam were calling my Dad in the middle of teaching his Sunday school lesson to find out if he knew where Mom was.  That kind of incident leaves me feeling so uneasy! 

I just got off the phone with my sister Katie today and she told me a little more about my parent's stay with them in Colorado last month.  Katie said that my Mom was always wanting to help out and do something, whether it was folding a load of laundry, holding the baby, changing the baby, whatever.  She said it was very fun having them there and great bonding time for them and her kids, but a little frustrating at times. One time my Mom changed the baby 3 or 4 times in a one hour period.  Katie decided not to say anything to her and just let her do it, as not to embarrass her.  Katie’s reply was, “at least the baby was clean!” And then another day my Mom asked Katie if a certain pile of clothes was clean or dirty and Katie told her that they were dirty.  A short time later Katie found the pile of clothes folded and in piles.  It makes me sad to hear things like this, but I guess the one good thing is that my Mom is not aware that she is doing these things, unless people are pointing it out to her.
 
A couple weeks ago, the day before my Mom and Dad were leaving for one of their medical trips to Myanmar, my Mom was running errands with my sister Paige when my Mom got distracted and got in a fender bender accident.  I don’t think the damage was too bad, but bad enough that they had to take the car in.  I guess the guy that they hit was very nice and patient, thank goodness!  Thank you to who ever you are!  I guess we should be counting our blessings that it wasn’t a serious car accident!  My fear is that this is just the beginning to many incidents similar to this.  I’ve mentioned this before, but my worst fear is getting a phone call one day that my Mom has gone out on a bike ride and has not returned, and no one knows where she has gone.  I hope and pray it never happens!

Mom and my youngest bro (babe of fam) Steve in the early 80's! Awww!

I mentioned that my Mom got a new church calling a little while ago in the primary, but at the time I didn’t know what age group she was teaching.  She has since told me that she is teaching the 11 year old girls, which could be a good thing and a bad thing.  The good thing is that she probably doesn’t have to deal with bad behavior problems with them since 11 year old girls are usually pretty good.  The bad thing is that they are old enough and smart enough that they might be able to pick up some of her repetitiveness and confusion.  I hope and pray it goes well and that she feels needed and loved in her ward.  I hope people understand!  My Mom is the greatest and I want her always to be treated with the utmost respect, dignity and love! 

One more thing . . . recently my family of 8 went down to St. George and spent a few days at my parent’s condo over President’s Day weekend in February.  We had a good and relaxing time, but I found something to be interesting.  This resort where we always stay was more crowded than I have ever seen it before and we ran into a lot of people we know.  The interesting thing I found is this:  when I see or run into my Mom’s tennis friends or any of her old friends, it pains me a little bit and I find myself trying to avoid them.  I believe this might be because it hurts me to see them seeming so together and healthy and I resent the fact that they are healthy and my Mom’s health is deteriorating.  I also dread the questions from them, “How’s your Mom doing?”  “Is she ok?” etc . . .  I wonder how long this discomfort and pain will last?  Hopefully not long!