I was going through my "church" files the other day looking for some information on the topic of Reverence that I was teaching about in primary today . . and came across some talks that my parents gave in their home ward about 4 years ago. I had heard they had spoken in their Sacrament Meeting and so I asked for copies of their talks. I was sad that I had not been able to hear them deliver them in person. These talks were neatly filed away in my file of church talks and lessons. Both of their talks were fantastic and even made me cry, but my Mom's talk especially stood out to me. I'm thinking that my Dad most likely helped her write and organize the talk, but I'd like to believe she wrote a lot of it. Here is a copy of that talk:
Sacrament Meeting talk delivered by Mom on Sunday, June 27,
2010 in the MP 12th Ward
One summer when I was a young girl, my parents gave me a
very special book. This was a Bible Story
book written by the well-known author, Pearl Buck. I started reading it the day I received it,
and I literally reveled in the stories.
The author rendered each of the stories in a way that was completely
understandable, and I found them most exciting.
I spent that summer reading on my bed or under a tree outside.
I became impressed with the idea that the Lord required
complete and uncompromising obedience of his people. He tested Abraham by asking him to sacrifice
his own beloved birthright son, Isaac.
Abraham did not question. The Lord
was testing his obedience and trust in a most dramatic and painful way. I learned also that the Lord even required
his people to consecrate and even sacrifice their very lives when it becomes
necessary.
I also remember the story I regarded as being so romantic:
that of Rebecca and Isaac at the well. I
still recall the triumph and awful tragedy of David’s life. These stories literally came alive for me and
served to strengthen my testimony.
Other factors in my life have strengthened my testimony. I will recall the unflagging example of
unquestioning faith, manifest by my own father.
He was bishop of our ward – even though he was an obstetrician and was
frequently away from home many days and nights delivering babies and attending
to other medical emergencies.
My testimony has continued to grow because of the callings I’ve
had here in this ward. Some of the
highlights include working with the youth in mutual. I still value the memories of river trips,
youth conferences, many testimony meetings, and community service
projects. Many of those young people I
worked with are now parents with children and some are even directing mutual
activities in their own wards.
During the time Mike and I served a mission in England
between 2000 and 2003, my testimony still continued to grow. I saw the trust and faith of the young missionaries. I loved them like my own children. Over these past sixty-odd years, my life has
been rich and wonderful.
I relate all these experiences to assure you that through
them I have come to learn that this mortal life is not the real life. All the things I’ve learned and the
experiences I’ve had have taught me that the real life is the one that begins
with our celestial resurrection and goes on forever.
Recent developments in my life have rendered my testimony of
the gospel especially precious to me. I
am grateful to know that the Lord knows me personally and yearns to live with
me forever.
I know that most of you know that about two years ago I was
diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. I
assure you that by reiterating this, I am not seeking attention or
sympathy. I also assure you that I do
not blame the Lord for this illness. I
don’t believe the Lord orchestrated its occurrence, but I think it is simply a
part of this mortal life. There are plenty
of adversities here in mortality to go around, and some of us are unlucky enough
to acquire this one. Ultimately none of us has complete control of our circumstances
and of the hardships we will face. Because
of this, I have come to recognize how important it is that each of us is
careful to look after each other, since mortality will sometimes deal with us
unfairly. It will sometimes deal us
adversities we don’t deserve.
It would seem that few, if any, of us will completely avoid frightening
and trying circumstances and happenings during our lives. Though I would choose almost any other
diagnosis to the condition I have, I have settled on the notion that this
condition is simply my lot in life.
I have always assumed that patients with this diagnosis lose
their insight before they lose their memory.
This would be a more merciful way for it to happen. I have, however, learned that this is not the
case. I am fully aware of my condition
and its prognosis. I am so deeply
grateful to those of you who are sensitive to my plight. Many of you are so very attentive to me and
my occasional meltdowns and I will be forever thankful to you. I have sensed that this condition is out of
my control and out of the control of the medical community. But with your patience and love and with the
Lord’s ministrations, I will make it through this. I love all of you dear, kind people. I will never forget you. I pray that you will all appreciate even more
the many blessings you have. And I say these things . . . and that was the end.
There are many parts of this talk that touched me, but a few really stood out:
- "I have come to learn that this mortal life is not the real life." This is such a great reminder of the fact that this is the temporary life -- "the test" to see how we handle ourselves in tough times and good times -- and the "real life" comes later. I love this important reminder!
- "I am grateful to know that the Lord knows me personally and yearns to live with me forever." This is a comforting thought! He knows exactly what each of us is going through and wants so badly for each of us to return to live with Him.
- ". . . mortality will sometimes deal with us unfairly. It will sometimes deal us adversities we don’t deserve." This is all part of the test -- to teach us the things that we need to learn. As painful as it can be sometimes, how else can we learn compassion, empathy, understanding, love, and all those important things?
- "I have always assumed that patients with this diagnosis lose
their insight before they lose their memory.
This would be a more merciful way for it to happen. I have, however, learned that this is not the
case. I am fully aware of my condition
and its prognosis." This is the sad truth about this disease! Unfortunately my Mom has been aware from the very beginning. That's been the most heartbreaking part of all of this . . . watching her try to be strong with us and having her tell us things like, "People treat me different." "People treat me like I'm already gone!" "Why do I have to have this disease? My other brothers and sisters didn't get it." etc. One tender mercy of this last stage of Alzheimer's is that one does start to lose their insight and awareness! That's beginning to happen in our case I believe. I don't know for sure, but I would imagine in the beginning stages of this disease, it was confusing to my Mom, and she probably didn't quite know what was happening. She most likely hoped the symptoms were coming from something else like stress or depression or whatever else! After all, she was serving as a mission president's wife, and from what I've observed and seen, it can be very stressful. Again I'm guessing what was going through her mind, but I believe as she came to realize what was happening to her at the young age of her late 50's, she tried to cover it up. This caused her to be more quiet, anxious and observant, and not her true, outgoing self. Although the real diagnosis did not come until around 2008 as she mentioned, many of us feared the horrible truth, even back in 2001! Can you imagine the dragged out agony of knowing you have a fatal disease that will slowly take away your memories, abilities and dignity? I honestly can't think of anything worse and she used to tell me the same thing. "I do not want to lose my mind, Mardi! I can't think of anything worse!" "When I get to the stage of not knowing anyone or having to have my diapers changed, just let me go!" Although she says she would have chosen any other diagnosis than the one she got, I have often wondered about that! Would it really have been better to get a Stage 4 diagnosis of cancer or Lou Gehrig's disease and be gone within a few months, or this? She might say YES, that might have been easier! But for me and probably many of my family members, that's a hard question! As strange as it may seem, I am grateful for this prolonged amount of time that I have had to spend with my Mom and the lessons I have learned from her and this experience. I have had time to take lots of photos and ask her many questions. I've even filled out a book of memories that she helped me do. I'm determined to have NO REGRETS! It's definitely been tough, but I'm convinced this is a major part of my test, and many of our family members. "By golly, we're going to pass this darn test, if it's the last thing I do!" I would rather that it not drag on too much longer, but just long enough to have learned all that we need to!
My Mom and Dad out in front of their house with half their
grandkids in about 2010!
- "I pray that you will all appreciate even more the many blessings you have." It's so easy to dwell on our trials and the things that are not going right in our lives, but we must remember the many blessings we have! This is the good life, despite our trials and struggles! Remember, the "real life" is yet to come!
Flashing back to 6.5 years ago . . .
October 2, 2007
I just got off the phone with my Mom after not talking to her for about a week. My parents have been quite the travelers lately! In the last few weeks they have been to St. George with a group from their ward, an annual trip to a friend’s cabin, and to Seattle to go on the yacht of my Dad’s cousin Jeanne and her hubby, Wayne. Although they are having a good time and keeping busy, I sensed from my Mom today that she wants a little break! They are now leaving again to go down to St. George with a few other friends. She expressed to me that she wished she “had a say in where they went and who they went with.” I think my Dad just makes the plans and tells her about it and I think she’d like to be more in on the decisions! I feel bad for her and have shed a few tears for her today.
Right before my parents left for St. George last week, I was on the phone with my Dad and he told me that my Mom had misplaced her car keys to the car that they were going to take on their trip. They had searched the entire house and could not find them. I forgot to ask her today if they ever found them. I hope so because my Dad seemed very frustrated about the whole thing. I guess this is quite a common occurrence with my Mom these days. The funny thing about that is that it sounds a lot like me. I’ve been known to throw some important things away and I even lost MY car keys a few months ago. I’ve concluded that either I or my youngest two year old Josh threw them away. They are long gone! Anyway, I guess this happened another time to my Mom about a month ago when my brother Steve was in town from Maryland. Steve ended up finding the keys in a trash can down at a park at the end of my parent’s street. My poor Mom!! I can only imagine how frustrating that would be to have your short term memory fail you on a regular basis! I sensed her frustration this morning as I talked to her and she couldn’t remember the main reason she had called me. Finally, after a few minutes, she remembered that she bought my kids some t-shirts and she wondered if she had given them to us yet. I informed her that she hasn’t and she is now going to look for them because she doesn’t know where they are! My poor Mom!
Although I think I’ve come to terms with all of this, I still often wonder why it is that this is the trial that my family has been given at this time. It’s painful to watch a Mother go through this and to watch my Dad have a life that he didn’t plan on or expect. Heavenly Father, help us all to get through this trial with flying colors. That’s my prayer!! There are important things that we are all to learn from this dragged out trial and I hope we become better people for it. The hard part is that my Mom has to lose some of her dignity in the process!!
I am determined to help my Mom keep as much of her dignity as is possible! She deserves the best in life! She deserves to be treated with as much patience and love as possible. She didn’t choose to lose her short term memory!
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| Celebrating my Dad's birthday at Asian Star a few years ago! |
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