Hallucinations, Delusions, Illusions and Paranoia . . .

March 31, 2014


I didn't know that hallucinations, delusions, illusions and paranoia all come with Alzheimer's disease! Now I know. They do.  I guess they often come with the territory, and WOW!  I can't get over what an interesting and cruel disease this is and how difficult it can be for the primary caregivers . . . AND for the person with the disease! My Mom seems to be getting slightly worse by the week now! 

My Mom and Dad flew to Colorado today to go visit my one of my brothers and his family.  My Dad has expressed to me a few times in the last few weeks how nervous he's been to go to Denver and take my Mom into a new environment . . . with people she might not recognize.  I got a call from my Dad from the airport this morning as they were just about to board the plane.  Things seemed to be going ok.  I'm sure it was a challenge getting packed for both of them, but they made it to the airport, and I was happy about that.

Now that they are there, my Mom believes that she has been taken to a strange place, to an unknown house, with a man "from her neighborhood" that she thinks might be trying to take advantage of her.  My older sister and I spent some time on the phone with her trying to convince her otherwise . . . with no luck!  "He is not my husband!"  "I can't believe you actually believe it's him."  "You need to believe me when I tell you it's not him."  "This guy is scaring me!" I assured her repeatedly that she was safe, nothing bad would happen to her, and in fact she was going to have a fun week with her son, daughter-in-law and 4 of her grand kids.  I even tried to explain to her that her Alzheimer's disease was making her forget about who her husband is, and that "that man" was nice and is not going to hurt her.  I don't think she bought any of it!  But I hope with a little sleep tonight, tomorrow will be a better day!  I hope they end up having a good week and won't have to come home early! 

Ensign Peak, March 28, 2014

Last Friday my Mom and I went on a fun little hike up to a peak above downtown Salt Lake City called Ensign Peak.  It's actually the same place where my hub Matt and I got engaged and it's beautiful up there.  The views are amazing!  We asked a few different people to take our picture while we were at the top and I love that my Mom still has her sense of humor.  Each time someone went to take our picture, she said, "Make sure you make us look good!" and then laughed a little.  She still gets jokes and we can still laugh at things together and I am grateful for that! 

My Mom talked a lot about her childhood on that hike and after the hike and kept bringing up how this was bringing back memories of when she used to play in that neck of the woods.  At a nearby cemetery, she would often play hide and seek with her friends and siblings as her grandpa was the sexton of the cemetery.  Her grandma and my great grandma lived near there years ago and her family even lived in a home nearby.  She spent a lot of time at those homes and it was fun to hear her talk about those memories!  I'm grateful for any memories she still has!  We were able to drive by and see those two homes and she even remembered the addresses from way back then!  

Great Grandma Storr's house in the Avenues of Salt Lake City

On our drive home my Mom kept talking about the third person in my back seat and asking if they were ok.  I assured her a few times that it was just the two of us.  When we returned to their home, she once again took me into her bathroom with the full length mirror to again show me their "visitor" that was looking in on them.  She keeps the bathroom door shut as a result!  Such a sad and scary way for her to live!  
 





Memory Book:  

Me: Who is the oldest person in your family you can remember knowing when you were a child?  What do you remember most about that person?

My Mom:  I remember traveling often to visit my Great Grandma Simmons in Payson, Utah.  Deanne (her sister) and I would go with Granny and Grandpa Storrs.   Great Grandma Simmons lived on a farm and had lots of animals . . . and I remember them churning their own butter.



Flashing back to 6 years ago . . . 

January 11, 2008

    Another busy Christmas season over!  It’s always a little stressful for me, but I made it!  Right around Christmas we had quite a bit of family time because for the first time in a few years, my entire family was in town and together  -- from Colorado, Maryland, Massachusetts, and of course Utah.  Our family is a little spread out right now across the country and I’m sad about it.  Sunday dinners as an extended family just aren’t the same without half the fam.  We even had a big family portrait taken, which I have a feeling might be the last for a long long while.  I wouldn’t say this to anyone because it sounds too morbid, but it might be the last photo taken of all of us on this earth.  I’m so glad that we did it! 

    My Mom seemed so good over Christmas!  She seemed happy and just herself.  On occasion she would repeat a question or tell me something twice in a short period of time, but for the most part I’m just enjoying good quality time with her!  She’s such a good lady and it kills me to watch her frustrated over her mind.  I’ve mentioned this before but she’s completely aware of her difficulty with pulling up certain information.  When I ask her a question about when and where we’re doing something, she always has to ask my Dad and can not remember little details like that. 

    I left my cell phone at my parent’s house over Christmas and my Mom brought it to me last week.  She came with me to return a few Christmas clothing items at a store and we ended up going shopping for a little bit and going out to lunch.  Her love for shopping is just the same!  I think she’s always enjoyed shopping and has always been so willing to buy me whatever I want.  I think I was quite spoiled as a child growing up in her home.  Even now she’ll say, “I’ll put some money towards that” or “Do you need a new jacket?”  We had a good time and I will always treasure these little experiences I get to have with her. 

    I talked to my Dad on the phone yesterday and he told me one of his worst nightmares happened yesterday.  My heart dropped as I could only imagine what had happened – a car accident? she got lost? she entered the freeway going the wrong way?  I was relieved to find out that fortunately it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it could be.  One of her tennis friends called to find out if my Mom was on her way to her tennis match.  She wasn’t and she was late!  My Mom had either written it down on the wrong day or somehow she just didn’t get the details straight.  Those situations really frustrate my Mom!  My Dad said he knew she’d come home upset about it.  I feel so bad for her!  Can you imagine functioning in this life with very limited short term memory?  How would you do anything?  And the even sadder part of it is that she is aware of her lack of memory and expressed to me the other day at lunch that she often can’t find certain words that she’s looking for in her mind. 

    I’ve been waking up early in the mornings, and while still lying in bed I try to come up with some way that I can also help my Dad through this most difficult situation.  This has got to be so hard on him, knowing that he’s going to be babysitting her from now until the end.  “At what point do you take her car away?”  I asked my Dad that question the other day on the phone.  My Dad wasn’t sure but knows that time is coming.  For the most part I think she does pretty well in the car, but how long will that last?  My Dad said that she’s not doing well with just the basic everyday details of life.  My concern about her when she gets to the point of not being able to be left alone is ‘who will take care of her?’  Will we take turns staying with her?  Will she be put into a home?  I would want her to stay home and we’d take turns taking care of her.  She deserves that and we all owe that to her!

All 8 of us reunited in about 2012 . . . a rare occasion to be all together!

Well I came up with an idea the other morning.  Since I have a hard time talking to anyone about my Mom and her condition in person (because I cry and get upset), maybe I’ll start writing my Dad emails and we can support each other that way.  Then my Dad will have a way to express his feelings too.  I’m thinking that might be therapeutic for him, and for me.  Knowing my Dad, he doesn’t talk to anyone about it and probably bottles it all up.  I think he needs to let it out!  I just would never want my Mom to find the emails because I think she’d be devastated if she knew we were talking about her behind her back and how much we worry about her!  

Memsie Bob Doodle Toots!

March 27, 2014

My Mom's social calendar was empty today and tomorrow . . . no luncheons or tennis matches or anything!  Since my Mom can no longer entertain herself very well, I think these kinds of days are difficult on my Dad.  If he has any work he needs to get done, I think he has a difficult time doing so.  He feels the need to be doing something with her.  He can't very well even let her go on a walk by herself anymore.  

A few days ago I told my Dad that I would come and take her on a hike or do something with her either today or tomorrow.  Well today turned out to be a cold and rainy/snowy day and so I thought that tomorrow would definitely work better . . . since sun is in the forecast tomorrow!  I called my Dad to talk to him about it and he told me he needed to call me back.  

A short time later, he called back . . "We're havin' a lot of fun over here, Mardi!" He had been right in the middle of a little incident when I called.  Since my Mom didn't have anything to do, she told my Dad that she wanted to go play tennis down at Coach Mike's Tennis Center.  She was just going to walk on down and go see if her friends were there.  My Dad told her she couldn't just show up like that because that's not how it worked.  Normally they call first when they needed her to fill in.  My Dad could not convince her that she could not just go show up!  She insisted on walking down there, which is probably a little over a mile to get there.  

Walk/hike at Alta Ski resort last year . . .
 she loves picking the flowers!

The rain had stopped and she took off all on her own.  My Dad said he had no choice but to let her go.  Within the hour my Dad got calls from at least 3 people telling him that they had seen her walking, and should they pick her up?  Finally the last person just picked her up and brought her home.  I called just as she was getting home.  She was frustrated and could not understand why my Dad wouldn't want her to be able to play tennis with her friends!  I even talked to her for a few minutes and tried to convince her that her friends were most likely not even there, and if they were, they probably already had the 4 people they needed.  "No, it's not like that Mardi.  You can just show up!"  I was not successful and she was not happy . . but she still tried to assure me that things were fine there!  I too was not convinced!  Frustrations all around!  I feel so bad for both of them!  
 

Memory Book:
A few years ago I received a memory book from a friend that includes all sorts of questions that you can ask a loved one, and then you fill out this memory book and have it to keep for years to come.  Over a period of many months, I was able to get most of this book filled out for my Mom.  I believe I captured some priceless memories that will be handed down through the generations.  I wanted to include some memories from that book . . . 

Me:  "Why were you given your name, Merrilee?  Were you named after someone else?"
My Mom:  My parents saw my name in some funny papers and changed it a little.  Many people have been given my name since . . . it's a popular name . . Merrilee Lloyd, Merrilee Bench, Merrilee Richards. . . I've always liked my name because it's a happy name." 

Me:  "Did you have nicknames growing up?" 
My Mom:  "Always!  I've always had nicknames for as long as I can remember.  My parents and grandparents used to call me Mem.  I don't know where that came from, but my guess is that I couldn't pronounce my name and maybe called myself Mem? . . . Dad used to call me 
Memsie Bob Doodle Toots :) (I love this one!) . . . . Steve Stewart (one of their friends) called me Z-Bob, which originally came from Dad . . . also Merlee from Dad."  I used to call my Mom Meermore. :)  I call her "Mims" or "Mumsie" right now. 


Flashback to 6.5 years ago . . . 

October 9, 2007

            My Mom called me the other morning to tell me she was going to go look around at IKEA and wondered how to get there since it is just a mile or two from our house.  Although the store opened many months ago, I had not been there yet because I have feared the crowds.  Anyway, I thought it would be fun to go with her that day.             

            My Mom was a half hour late getting to my house that day.  She said she thinks she made a wrong turn somewhere and drove around for quite a while.  At least she made it!  It makes me wonder how long she will be driving and how long she will be able to get around safely, without getting lost.  She drove over to IKEA that day and she seems to be doing just fine.  I hope it lasts! 

            Oftentimes when my Mom goes to say something, she loses her train of thought and can’t remember what she was going to say.  I do that too occasionally, as I’m sure everyone does, and it’s frustrating!  I can’t imagine what it would be like to have that happen almost every time you open your mouth to say something.  My Mom made the comment on our 5-minute drive to IKEA that she has “always had just a strong and keen mind and it’s so frustrating to not have my mind work the way it used to.”  I feel for her frustration!

            We had a good time strolling through IKEA that day for a few hours.  I have to cherish every experience that I have with her like that!  I wonder how many times we have been shopping together in my lifetime.  I’m sure that it is hundreds and hundreds of times . . . grocery shopping, school clothes shopping, Costco, mall shopping etc.  We’ve had some great times together.  I don’t think I’ll ever forget all the times she used to take me school shopping every year right before school started.  Unlike myself who is very conservative and I don’t like spending much money, my Mom used to go crazy buying us kids clothes.  It was great!  She has always wanted the best for us and has spoiled us rotten!

            Anyway, there was one more specific thing that my Mom said that day we went to IKEA that stands out in my mind.  She said to my four year old son, Spencer, who is going through a “no kissing” stage and would not give her goodbye kisses.  She said, “There’s going to be a day that I am dead and no longer here and you will be sad that you didn’t give me lots of kisses.”  Of course she was just teasing him and having some fun with him, but that hit me as being so true!  I wanted to force him to kiss her that day.  Fortunately, my daughter Sarah ran across the room and threw her arms around her and said, “I will give you kisses!”    

City Creek shopping center in Salt Lake with extended fam!

            I have a neighbor and friend down the street, Becky in my ward, whose Mom is also showing signs of Alzheimer’s disease.  We don’t talk about our Moms too often, as it’s too painful to talk about (at least for me), but we did talk about them a few days ago for a few minutes.  I was proud of myself for keeping my emotions in check for most of the time until the very end.  It’s good having someone that you know can relate.  Thanks Becky for listening and for understanding! 

 

"This is Not the Real Life!"

March 23, 2014

I was going through my "church" files the other day looking for some information on the topic of Reverence that I was teaching about in primary today . . and came across some talks that my parents gave in their home ward about 4 years ago.  I had heard they had spoken in their Sacrament Meeting and so I asked for copies of their talks.  I was sad that I had not been able to hear them deliver them in person.  These talks were neatly filed away in my file of church talks and lessons.  Both of their talks were fantastic and even made me cry, but my Mom's talk especially stood out to me.  I'm thinking that my Dad most likely helped her write and organize the talk, but I'd like to believe she wrote a lot of it.  Here is a copy of that talk:

Sacrament Meeting talk delivered by Mom on Sunday, June 27, 2010 in the MP 12^th Ward

One summer when I was a young girl, my parents gave me a very special book.  This was a Bible Story book written by the well-known author, Pearl Buck.  I started reading it the day I received it, and I literally reveled in the stories.  The author rendered each of the stories in a way that was completely understandable, and I found them most exciting.  I spent that summer reading on my bed or under a tree outside. 

I became impressed with the idea that the Lord required complete and uncompromising obedience of his people.  He tested Abraham by asking him to sacrifice his own beloved birthright son, Isaac.  Abraham did not question.  The Lord was testing his obedience and trust in a most dramatic and painful way.  I learned also that the Lord even required his people to consecrate and even sacrifice their very lives when it becomes necessary. 

I also remember the story I regarded as being so romantic: that of Rebecca and Isaac at the well.  I still recall the triumph and awful tragedy of David’s life.  These stories literally came alive for me and served to strengthen my testimony. 

Other factors in my life have strengthened my testimony.  I will recall the unflagging example of unquestioning faith, manifest by my own father.  He was bishop of our ward – even though he was an obstetrician and was frequently away from home many days and nights delivering babies and attending to other medical emergencies. 

My testimony has continued to grow because of the callings I’ve had here in this ward.  Some of the highlights include working with the youth in mutual.  I still value the memories of river trips, youth conferences, many testimony meetings, and community service projects.  Many of those young people I worked with are now parents with children and some are even directing mutual activities in their own wards.

During the time Mike and I served a mission in England between 2000 and 2003, my testimony still continued to grow.  I saw the trust and faith of the young missionaries.  I loved them like my own children.  Over these past sixty-odd years, my life has been rich and wonderful.  

I relate all these experiences to assure you that through them I have come to learn that this mortal life is not the real life.  All the things I’ve learned and the experiences I’ve had have taught me that the real life is the one that begins with our celestial resurrection and goes on forever.

Recent developments in my life have rendered my testimony of the gospel especially precious to me.  I am grateful to know that the Lord knows me personally and yearns to live with me forever.

I know that most of you know that about two years ago I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.  I assure you that by reiterating this, I am not seeking attention or sympathy.  I also assure you that I do not blame the Lord for this illness.  I don’t believe the Lord orchestrated its occurrence, but I think it is simply a part of this mortal life.  There are plenty of adversities here in mortality to go around, and some of us are unlucky enough to acquire this one. Ultimately none of us has complete control of our circumstances and of the hardships we will face.  Because of this, I have come to recognize how important it is that each of us is careful to look after each other, since mortality will sometimes deal with us unfairly.  It will sometimes deal us adversities we don’t deserve.  

It would seem that few, if any, of us will completely avoid frightening and trying circumstances and happenings during our lives.  Though I would choose almost any other diagnosis to the condition I have, I have settled on the notion that this condition is simply my lot in life.

I have always assumed that patients with this diagnosis lose their insight before they lose their memory.  This would be a more merciful way for it to happen.  I have, however, learned that this is not the case.  I am fully aware of my condition and its prognosis.  I am so deeply grateful to those of you who are sensitive to my plight.  Many of you are so very attentive to me and my occasional meltdowns and I will be forever thankful to you.  I have sensed that this condition is out of my control and out of the control of the medical community.  But with your patience and love and with the Lord’s ministrations, I will make it through this.  I love all of you dear, kind people.  I will never forget you.  I pray that you will all appreciate even more the many blessings you have.  And I say these things . . . and that was the end. 

There are many parts of this talk that touched me, but a few really stood out:

• "I have come to learn that this mortal life is not the real life." This is such a great reminder of the fact that this is the temporary life -- "the test" to see how we handle ourselves in tough times and good times -- and the "real life" comes later.  I love this important reminder!  
• "I am grateful to know that the Lord knows me personally and yearns to live with me forever."  This is a comforting thought! He knows exactly what each of us is going through and wants so badly for each of us to return to live with Him.  
• ". . . mortality will sometimes deal with us unfairly.  It will sometimes deal us adversities we don’t deserve."  This is all part of the test -- to teach us the things that we need to learn.  As painful as it can be sometimes, how else can we learn compassion, empathy, understanding, love, and all those important things? 
• "I have always assumed that patients with this diagnosis lose their insight before they lose their memory.  This would be a more merciful way for it to happen.  I have, however, learned that this is not the case.  I am fully aware of my condition and its prognosis."  This is the sad truth about this disease!  Unfortunately my Mom has been aware from the very beginning.  That's been the most heartbreaking part of all of this . . . watching her try to be strong with us and having her tell us things like, "People treat me different."  "People treat me like I'm already gone!"  "Why do I have to have this disease? My other brothers and sisters didn't get it." etc.  One tender mercy of this last stage of Alzheimer's is that one does start to lose their insight and awareness!  That's beginning to happen in our case I believe.  I don't know for sure, but I would imagine in the beginning stages of this disease, it was confusing to my Mom, and she probably didn't quite know what was happening.  She most likely hoped the symptoms were coming from something else like stress or depression or whatever else!  After all, she was serving as a mission president's wife, and from what I've observed and seen, it can be very stressful.  Again I'm guessing what was going through her mind, but I believe as she came to realize what was happening to her at the young age of her late 50's, she tried to cover it up.  This caused her to be more quiet, anxious and observant, and not her true, outgoing self. Although the real diagnosis did not come until around 2008 as she mentioned, many of us feared the horrible truth, even back in 2001!  Can you imagine the dragged out agony of knowing you have a fatal disease that will slowly take away your memories, abilities and dignity?  I honestly can't think of anything worse and she used to tell me the same thing.  "I do not want to lose my mind, Mardi!  I can't think of anything worse!"  "When I get to the stage of not knowing anyone or having to have my diapers changed, just let me go!"  Although she says she would have chosen any other diagnosis than the one she got, I have often wondered about that!  Would it really have been better to get a Stage 4 diagnosis of cancer or Lou Gehrig's disease and be gone within a few months, or this?  She might say YES, that might have been easier!  But for me and probably many of my family members, that's a hard question!  As strange as it may seem, I am grateful for this prolonged amount of time that  I have had to spend with my Mom and the lessons I have learned from her and this experience.  I have had time to take lots of photos and ask her many questions.  I've even filled out a book of memories that she helped me do.  I'm determined to have NO REGRETS!  It's definitely been tough, but I'm convinced this is a major part of my test, and many of our family members.  "By golly, we're going to pass this darn test, if it's the last thing I do!"  I would rather that it not drag on too much longer, but just long enough to have learned all that we need to!   

  

  My Mom and Dad out in front of their house with half their
  grandkids in about 2010!

• "I pray that you will all appreciate even more the many blessings you have."  It's so easy to dwell on our trials and the things that are not going right in our lives, but we must remember the many blessings we have!  This is the good life, despite our trials and struggles!  Remember, the "real life" is yet to come! 

Flashing back to 6.5 years ago . . . 


October 2, 2007

    I just got off the phone with my Mom after not talking to her for about a week.  My parents have been quite the travelers lately!  In the last few weeks they have been to St. George with a group from their ward, an annual trip to a friend’s cabin, and to Seattle to go on the yacht of my Dad’s cousin Jeanne and her hubby, Wayne.  Although they are having a good time and keeping busy, I sensed from my Mom today that she wants a little break!  They are now leaving again to go down to St. George with a few other friends.  She expressed to me that she wished she “had a say in where they went and who they went with.”  I think my Dad just makes the plans and tells her about it and I think she’d like to be more in on the decisions!  I feel bad for her and have shed a few tears for her today.

    Right before my parents left for St. George last week, I was on the phone with my Dad and he told me that my Mom had misplaced her car keys to the car that they were going to take on their trip.  They had searched the entire house and could not find them.  I forgot to ask her today if they ever found them.  I hope so because my Dad seemed very frustrated about the whole thing.  I guess this is quite a common occurrence with my Mom these days.  The funny thing about that is that it sounds a lot like me.  I’ve been known to throw some important things away and I even lost MY car keys a few months ago.  I’ve concluded that either I or my youngest two year old Josh threw them away.  They are long gone!  Anyway, I guess this happened another time to my Mom about a month ago when my brother Steve was in town from Maryland.  Steve ended up finding the keys in a trash can down at a park at the end of my parent’s street.  My poor Mom!!  I can only imagine how frustrating that would be to have your short term memory fail you on a regular basis!  I sensed her frustration this morning as I talked to her and she couldn’t remember the main reason she had called me.  Finally, after a few minutes, she remembered that she bought my kids some t-shirts and she wondered if she had given them to us yet.  I informed her that she hasn’t and she is now going to look for them because she doesn’t know where they are!  My poor Mom!  

    Although I think I’ve come to terms with all of this, I still often wonder why it is that this is the trial that my family has been given at this time.  It’s painful to watch a Mother go through this and to watch my Dad have a life that he didn’t plan on or expect.  Heavenly Father, help us all to get through this trial with flying colors.  That’s my prayer!!  There are important things that we are all to learn from this dragged out trial and I hope we become better people for it.  The hard part is that my Mom has to lose some of her dignity in the process!! 

    I am determined to help my Mom keep as much of her dignity as is possible!  She deserves the best in life!  She deserves to be treated with as much patience and love  as possible.  She didn’t choose to lose her short term memory! 

Celebrating my Dad's birthday at Asian Star a few years ago!

    I tend to get caught up in my extremely busy life of driving 3 boys to football almost daily, 1 boy to soccer and my girl to tennis and piano lessons every week.  That is on top of all the homework and housework that has to be done, and the stress from my husband’s work.  But amidst all of that, my Mom and Dad are always on my mind.  I pray daily that they are happy and patient and treated well.  It’s no fun to watch your parents grow old and to watch their bodies not work quite as well as they used to.  It’s just downright depressing and I hope that when their days come to an end, it’s a peaceful, easy and quick passing.  That sounds pretty morbid, doesn’t it -- to think about them dying?  But I can’t help but think that there will be a day that my parents will not be here with me.  It’s difficult for me to think about, but I know the day will eventually come!

"I'd even have her back with the Alzheimer's!"

March 22, 2014

     As some of you know, my husband (Matt) has a radio show on one of Utah's big radio stations every Saturday morning . . KSL News Radio . . with his show topics usually revolving around some sort of relationship topic.  Last month, right around Valentine's Day, he did a show he titled, "How to Keep Your Love Alive."  He talked about how love is so easy to attain when you first start dating and get married, but then as time goes on, it sometimes seems to fade and doesn't come so easy anymore.  It takes work!  The  discussion with callers was about various ways to keep the love alive in marriages . . . all year round and not just around Valentine's Day!  

     One of his callers that day was a guy named Bill -- an 88 year old man who lost his wife about 5 years ago to Alzheimer's disease, after 50 great years of marriage!  Of course I immediately thought of my parents!  They've also almost been married almost 50 years!  You couldn't help but like this man right off the bat.  Such a sweet guy!  He told about a contest that he and his wife would continuously have in their marriage where they tried to outdo each other on who could make the other happier . . . and he said that she always won!  :)  He then went on to say how he missed his wife and has happy thoughts of her, "and would even take her back with the Alzheimer's."  Knowing second hand how difficult it is to care for someone with Alzheimer's, I was touched to hear him say that.  I'm sure I don't even know the half of how hard it is for these caretakers!

     Bill's love was so strong for this woman that he said he would even take her back with her disease! That's pretty amazing!  He went on to say that it was all so worth it and he loved every minute!!  It makes me wonder how he handled the hardest days?  Did he ever lose his cool?  Did he lose his patience on occasion?  Did he ever feel depressed and feel lonely?  My belief is that of course he did!  He's only human!  I think when it's all said and done, hopefully it's the good memories that prevail and the most difficult memories fade!  I hope that happens with my Dad!  It happens in other aspects of life . . . you could have the most difficult labor and delivery at one point and then be having another baby and doing it all over again a few years later.  Bad memories DO fade!  That's probably one of the tender mercies of the Lord . . after going through a difficult time.  

"GP" (Grandpa) Bill (a different Bill than the one mentioned above)
and "GG" (Grandma) Margaret, 2003! 

If you want to hear the brief conversation with Bill on the radio, click the following link: 

https://mail-attachment.googleusercontent.com/attachment/u/0/?ui=2&ik=71f7b31168&view=att&th=144e6b3f62243e63&attid=0.0&disp=safe&zw&saduie=AG9B_P-Ff0eo-nNWcQ9QRhdjciWx&sadet=1395443877583&sads=UfpeOr0Nj3SyE8v9u6DSBivYezU

Flashing back to 6.5 years ago . . . 

August 8, 2007 

  It’s been a long while since I’ve written.  Grandpa died on April 26th (photo above) . . . that was hard . . we will miss him!  I’ve gotten out of the routine of writing since the kids have been out for summer break!  Pretty soon I’ll be able to get back into some kind of routine again . . . hopefully!     

  Right now my parents are in Africa on one of their medical trips.  Lately they have gone a lot more often than before.  It seems that they have had at least two trips a month for a while.  This one is a bit different in that my brother Steve is on a little break from his medical school and was able to go with them.  I’m anxious to hear all about it.

  Interestingly my Mom seems just about the same or maybe even better than she did 5 months ago when I last wrote.  Most of the time, it is just my same old Mom that I’m dealing with, with the same sense of humor as always and the great loving person that she is.  She does continue to ask the same questions over and over, but that doesn’t bother me . . . only to the extent that I wish it wouldn’t happen anymore.  Every once in a while I hope and dream that maybe this is all a nightmare and maybe things will just change back to the way she used to be.  Unfortunately I know deep down that is never going to happen.  This is a trial that we are all to face for a reason and although it’s very painful at times, I can see how it will make us all stronger!  For the most part, I am handling it well right now.  I am happy to report that I haven’t shed any tears about it for a few months.  There are other times that I cry about it for days in a row.  I think I’ve come to terms with the whole thing.

  I find myself avoiding the topic of how my parents are doing.  Usually I don’t say much, other than the fact that they’re happy and traveling a lot.  I’m afraid I’ll break down if I tell people the truth of how my Mom has lost her short term memory and often acts confused, and that my Dad is having a hard time with the fact that his wife is just not the same.

  Last weekend Matt and I went to our 20-year high school reunion, which was so fun to see people that we had not seen for years!  One gal came up to me and asked in a very concerned voice, “How is your Mom?”  This caught me off guard and I asked, “What do you mean?”  She replied, “I was just talking to my Mom and she told me that your Mom has Alzheimer’s!”  This really surprised me because my Mom has never been officially diagnosed by any doctor as far as I know.  I guess there are people out there who are diagnosing her themselves, as I guess we have also done.   This also upset me a bit because my Mom would be devastated if she knew that people were talking about her as having Alzheimer’s.  Obviously people are talking.

Mom and I in about 2009 . . . at nephew Matthew's baby blessing!

  My Mom continues to be in amazing physical condition.  A few weeks ago she rode her bike out to our house in Draper, Utah, which is probably about 15-20  miles from their house.  I think it took her close to 4 hours to get here and she ended up getting rained on for a while.  I think she still plays tennis just a little, when she gets called by her old tennis friends.  She says it’s not as fun these days because she “can’t see the ball as well” and she “can’t keep track of the score.”  

She says that bike riding is her therapy . . . all by herself. Occasionally she’ll go out with a friend, but most of the time it is by herself and she loves that!  I worry about her in the winter because I wonder what she’ll do then . . . to get out for her outdoor and exercise therapy?