Small turns for the worse

April 21, 2014
 

My hub and I in St. George, Utah . . April 19, 2014

Yesterday was Easter.  My family just returned last night from our spring break trip to Southern Utah.  On our way home I watched a video that has been circulating around Facebook for the past week or so entitled "Because of Him".  I've been curious about it all week, but finally got around to watching it. I love the message of it and couldn't help but think of my Mom and Dad as I watched it. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HE9t5UeYaNE

". . A single act that changed history . . he was a carpenter, a teacher, an outcast, a leader, yet he did what none had ever done . . he rose from the dead . . he lives, and because he lives, you and she and he and they and we will all live again . . BECAUSE OF HIM, death has no sting, the grave no victory . . We can start again and again and again . . BECAUSE OF HIM, guilt becomes peace, regret becomes relief, despair becomes hope . . BECAUSE OF HIM, we have second chances, clean slates, new beginnings . . There is no such thing as the end . . BECAUSE OF HIM!

The part that stuck out to me the very most was "DEATH HAS NO STING" and of course it made me cry thinking of my Dad and dealing with my Mom on a daily basis, and knowing what the final outcome will be with this disease.  I've mentioned this before but I know this is probably not the life at all that my Dad imagined for himself and my Mom at this stage in their lives . . and I'm sure it's not the life my Mom imagined either!  If we can only remember the messages of this video always in our lives! "Death has no sting!"  "Despair becomes hope!"  "There is no such thing as the end!"  And all "BECAUSE OF HIM!" How grateful I am for this knowledge, to know that we will live again and that my Mom will get her good old mind back one day!  For how else could we make it through all this crud in this life?  

Last year, 2013 on a walk to the park by their house!

I just talked to my Dad on the phone a little earlier today.  He says my Mom seems to take a little turn for the worse on a daily basis now.  I guess yesterday she kept talking about how she needs to go home as she was searching for her suitcase and wanting to pack to "go home."  What is this home she is talking about?  I know she is confused and this is just part of this crazy disease, but I want to think she is wanting to go home to be with her parents and loved ones that have passed on before. She has told me before how excited she is to see them again!  What a reunion that will be!  I sit and cry just thinking of it!  I pray daily that this part of the disease will not drag on for too long . . . just long enough that we can enjoy our time with her, but not long enough for her dignity to be lost!  

My Dad's found hired help is just starting today.  They are just going to come for a few hours each day for a while until they are needed for longer periods of time.  My Dad said that he's still a little nervous about how my Mom will react to them, but is hoping for the best. The only interaction my Mom had with the one gal today (that I know of) was when my Dad was driving my Mom to play tennis.  He said they were introduced to each other then, but he doesn't know how she really felt.  He hadn't talked to her yet.  Knowing my Mom, she was on her best behavior and was friendly, but I wonder how she really felt?  I guess we'll soon find out! 



Flashing back to 5.5 years ago . . . "small turns for the worse" even back then!

September 29, 2008

    I’m afraid my Mom is taking a small turn for the worse!  We had dinner at my parent’s house last night and I don’t think I’ve seen her quite this bad.  She seemed extra quiet and couldn’t seem to track what we were talking about.  She kept asking questions and seemed confused.  I think it becomes worse for her when there’s a lot of confusion around.  My brother and sister-in-law are in town from Boston for two weeks and staying with my parents.  They have an almost 4 year old boy and two 17 month old identical twin girls.  Combine that with my six kids and my other brother’s little three year old girl, and things can get a little loud and crazy!
    My Mom and I were left alone in the kitchen last night and she opened up to me about her church calling.  I’m so glad that she will open up to me about her deep feelings!  I guess the Primary President came up to her at church yesterday and asked her if she would like to be released from her calling as a primary teacher.  She said “yes”, but has really mixed feelings about it.  I think it will bring her great relief to not have to worry about preparing a lesson every other week and having to deal with kids who sometimes are hard for her to deal with.  I think she’s enjoyed it for the most part, but it will be good for her to be able to go back to Sunday school and Relief Society.  I hope they find a calling for her that will not overwhelm her and will make her feel important and needed!  

Summer of 2010 with my Mom and sis-in-law Jenny

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     Interestingly, my Mom has the belief that most people do not know that she is having trouble with her memory.  It upsets her to think that the Bishop and other people know that she struggles with her memory, or that people will find out.  She does not want to be treated differently!  Of course the Bishop and most people know and have probably known for years, but I’m glad that my Mom thinks otherwise.  

    I’m afraid that my Mom’s driving days might be coming to an end fairly soon.  My older sister went somewhere with her the other day and says that she doesn’t feel she should drive much longer.  That’s a hard one!  I went driving with her on her birthday a few weeks ago and I thought she did just fine, but what do you do?  If she causes a horrible accident by entering the freeway going the wrong direction or something like that, we would all feel terrible!  Yet how do we take her license away?  How do we tell her she can’t drive anymore, and take away that freedom?  She did lose her car in a parking lot a few weeks ago and my bro Steve had to drive down there to help her, and maybe it’s things like that that we should help her avoid.  I hope she comes up with the idea herself of not wanting to drive anymore, but that might not happen!  But how hard will that be too for my Dad to have to drive her to all of her activities?  He'll feel like a chauffeur!  I guess I’ll just let my Dad make those kinds of decisions!   

    I’m going out today to get my Mom a new calendar.  She has a calendar with little 1 inch by 1 inch squares that she tries to write her whole day schedule in, and no wonder she gets confused and can’t figure out where she’s supposed to be . . . and when!  I think a good calendar would help her feel more organized!