"I have had a great life!"

April 9, 2014

My Dad had his usual Tuesday correlation meeting in downtown Salt Lake yesterday afternoon.  Tuesdays are my usual day lately to go hang out with my Mom while he's in those meetings! Yesterday I met my parents downtown and decided to just stick around down there with my Mom, instead of going somewhere else with her. Downtown Salt Lake is a fun place to hang out, especially on a beautiful day like yesterday! There are numerous shops and places to eat, and just pretty scenery to see!  I need to go down there more often . . . very therapeutic!

I found a few coincidences from yesterday . . . first, my 17 year old son was asked to fill in playing the piano at a restaurant located on the roof of a building right next door to where my Dad's meetings are . . at the very same time of his meeting.  They both had to be there at the same time and so it worked out so well to drive down there with him, and then go spend time with my Mom!  And the other coincidence . . . while my Mom and I were just walking around this outdoor shopping center, we ran into some old friends of my parents, the Wheelwrights, who are living in Hawaii right now, but are here visiting for conference.  

Running into the Wheelwrights in downtown Salt Lake, April 2014

The Wheelwrights were mission president in the London Central Mission at the very same time that my parents were mission president of the London South mission, (2000-2003) and that's how they met and became fast friends.  The Wheelwrights are now next door neighbors to my sister and her family in Hawaii where they are president of BYU Hawaii.  They just happened to notice us as we were walking past the restaurant they were eating in yesterday afternoon.  I'm not sure my Mom remembered who they were, but if she didn't, she really fakes it well.  Her social grace is not gone and she's still as friendly as ever.

Throughout the day I found it interesting that my Mom kept bringing up her parents and grandparents and how she would love all of our family to get to know them.  She asked me a few times if I was the one that hiked up "that mountain", Ensign Peak, with her recently.  "Yes, that was me.  We had a good time, didn't we?" I said. 
"I really want our whole family to hike up there and hear the stories of my parents and grandparents . . . that was my stomping ground . . that's where I spent a lot of time when I was little." 

Temple Square, April 2014

While eating in the food court at this City Creek outdoor mall, my Mom and I had a good little chat.  Although she didn't remember seeing the Wheelwrights 30 minutes earlier, her mind seemed fairly clear.  A few minutes into our lunch, she said, "This life is really interesting, isn't it?" 

Me:  "Yes, it really is!  You just never know what is going to happen in life, do you?"  We then went on to talk about these two men (young Dads) that were just recently hit and killed while riding their bikes to work and how sad and unpredictable life can be.  I asked her, "Up in heaven, before we came to earth, do you think we got to choose our trials?  Do you think you agreed to having Alzheimer's disease?  Do you think you might have said, 'YES, I will volunteer to have that horrible disease!  In exchange for my great life, I will suffer Alzheimer's at the end of my life!'  
Or is life more random than that?  Do things happen more by chance?"  I'm not sure what I believe concerning this!  Are coincidences just coincidences or do things happen for a reason?  

View from Dad's cousins condo, April 2014

Mom:  "I think it's just random . . .You know, Alzheimers hasn't been all that bad for me.  I've been able to do what I want to do and go where I want to go."  This is so true.  For over 10 years with this disease, she has been able to ride her bike and take some beautiful hikes and travel with her friends and my Dad.  Interestingly, her feelings used to be so different!  She has told me numerous times how she would much prefer having any physical ailment over losing her mind.  I'm so glad she has forgotten about this! 


My Mom went on to say, "I have had a really good life.  I've been blessed to have good parents and good friends and a great family!"  

I'm so happy she feels this way! 



Flashing back to 5.5 years ago . . .

September 18, 2008

    I am on a little 3-day getaway with my hubby and some friends in St. George, Utah.  My parents own a condo there and we go down there as often as time will allow. (3 or 4 times a year)  I haven’t been sleeping great lately.  I’m often up and awake very early in the morning.  Since I'm up early before everyone else, I thought I’d take this time to write down the thoughts that have been on my mind!

    My Mom met me at a tennis clothes store a little over a week ago to help me pick out some tennis clothes since I've decided to take up tennis again after many years.  My youngest child, Josh is now 3 years old and just started preschool a few weeks ago, so I’m enjoying some "childless" time a few days a week.  Don't get me wrong . . I love my kids more than anything, but you know what I mean!  We all enjoy our breaks!  I thought this would be the perfect time to take up tennis again after 15 years of not playing much . . . through 6 pregnancies, nursing 6 babies, etc.  I never thought I’d reach this stage of life! Yahoo! 

    My Mom knows the owner of this tennis store because her and my Dad have shopped there for years.  My parents have been big into tennis for almost 30 years now and I think have shopped there all along!  Josh and Spence, my two youngest kids, were with me when I met my Mom, and then we all then went out to lunch at Café Rio after.  As we pulled into the parking lot, we were very pleasantly surprised to find my youngest brother, Steve, and his wife Jenny, and their little Ashley coming out of the restaurant.  They had met there in the middle of Steve’s work day for Jenny’s birthday.  Of all restaurants in the whole Salt Lake Valley, I couldn’t believe what a coincidence that was to see them!  

    Anyway, my Mom and I had a very open and nice and difficult conversation during lunch.  She confided in me about how hard it is to not be able to remember things.  She said that she would rather be enduring ANYTHING else right now, namely any physical ailment (cancer, etc.) than to be losing her mind - as she says she is.  Like I’ve mentioned before, that has been one of her very worst fears in her life - losing her mind!  She doesn’t understand, of all her four other siblings, why her?  It's a good question, but I believe it's just how life goes!   

    By the way, I was proud of myself for staying strong during our chat.  I was able to hold myself together during most of our conversation, until the last few minutes.  I broke down and tried to express to her how sad I am that SHE is so sad.  I didn't tell her this part, but I'm also obviously sad because I know that my Mom, who I love so dearly, is slowly dying and will not always be with me here on this earth, to call her anytime I want and so she can watch my children grow up.  

Out to lunch with extended family in about 2010

    My Mom’s perspective is amazingly clear.  She clearly knows what is happening to her.  I even brought up the word ‘Alzheimer’s’ for the very first time with her.  I asked her if she thought she might have Alzheimer’s, and she said “Oh yes!”  There is no question in her mind. 

    “I’m not afraid to die”, she said, “I’m just afraid of how I’m going to get there!”  The last thing she wants to do is be a burden to anyone or to have someone else have to wipe her bottom, she has told me many times.  “I wish I could just die of some other cause . . . soon. . . I wish I could just die before it all gets worse . . . Now I completely understand why my Dad took his own life.”  I’m not exactly sure what brain disease my Grandpa had (I believe Picks disease), but I guess he went through similar forgetfulness before he turned on his car in an enclosed garage and took his own life.  He just couldn’t take it anymore!  My Mom keeps mentioning that her forgetfulness reminds her a lot of her Dad.  I assured my Mom, through my own tears that I would make sure she is taken care of with all of her dignity intact.  

It surprised me that my Mom even mentioned the fact that she never wants to be placed into one of those homes . . assisted living homes where she could possibly be abused by one of the employees there.  How sad that she's even thought of that and has that fear!  I will do everything in my power to not allow that and I’m sure the rest of my family will do the same!  I would take her into my own home before I would allow her to go into a home.  

    That day at lunch my Mom clearly made it known that she understands the big picture of all of this.  Although she’s unsure as to why she has this particular trial, she knows that this earth life is just a short little part of eternity.  “We have the gospel and we have our family”, she said.  Together we decided that we need to take it a day at a time, appreciate the good, and help each other make it through.  

    A few other things my Mom said that day at lunch that I don’t want to forget . . . She expressed how much she misses her parents and looks forward to seeing them all again!  Her Dad, my Grandpa, died about 40 years ago, before I was even born, and my Grandma died when I was 10.  I’m now 39.  That was a long time ago!  My Mom has also mentioned a couple of different times lately that she hopes we will all remember her when her mind was good.  Of course we will!  I am going to make sure of it!!

    It made me sad that my Mom apologized for putting all of us through this.  “The last thing you want to do is have to babysit your Mother!” she said.  That’s true, I don’t want to do that, but I'll certainly do it for her!  I’d do anything for her!

My youngest bro Steve and Mom in St. George, summer 2010

    My Mom’s birthday was on the 10th of this month.  She turned 65 years young!  My Dad went on one of their medical trips, alone without her, right over her birthday and so he had arranged to have a dozen red roses delivered to her that day.  Way to go Dad!  I think that meant a lot to her!  I took her to get a pedicure and a manicure that day, and to get a slushee from Sonic.  She deserves to be pampered like that and she loved it!  She went right home after she got home and wrote me a thank you note and mailed it.  It read: 

“Mardi,   
What a wonderful daughter I have been blessed with. with (crossed out)  I have had such an enjoyable birthday thanks to you!  I was pampered and spoiled as I received my manicure.  I also had a chance to visit with you in a quiet setting. 
I’m still enjoying my slush as I write this card.  You are truly a special child of God, and a great blessing to me.                                               
This day will be a wonderful memory for me.
                        Much love,
                            Mom
It will be a great memory for me too!  It made my cry and I’m going to keep it forever!  

    Although I think this whole process of watching my Mom slowly lose her life over a period of many years, is the hardest thing I will ever do, I am grateful for the many cherished memories I will have of her.  I am grateful for the lessons I have learned from her and the time I have to spend with her.  I do and will have many opportunities to spend time with her and to tell her that I love her.  I would not like it if one of my loved ones died suddenly without a chance to show and tell them how much I love them!  My Mom is the best!