The heart never forgets!

June 1, 2014 

I came across this great video on Facebook the other day about a man with Alzheimer's that got lost . . . and watch what happened next . . . it's under 3 minutes long and is a tear jerker . . . at least for me!  http://sfglobe.com/?id=875&src=share_fb_new_875 . . . 

"Even though the mind doesn't remember, the heart does!"  The heart never forgets!!  "It's amazing what happens when LOVE becomes an instinct!" I have to admit that I shed a tear or two for how sweet that man is, and also how sweet the officer was to help him! 

Time seems to be flying by these days!  Can't believe it's the end of another school year already, and can't believe my first missionary has been out for almost a year now!  And it has already been almost two weeks since I have written a blog entry!  

My Mom and her only sis, Deanne at the cabin!
May, 2014

Last Monday, for Memorial Day, I had the chance to go up to my Mom's family cabin up and beyond Oakley, Utah.  It's beautiful up there at this time of year!  I drove up with my Mom, Dad and sister . . . it's a long story but the rest of my family was driving home from San Diego that day. Three of my Mom's siblings were up there with a small handful of their kids and grand kids too!  We had a good time!  It was like the olden days when we used to go up there on Memorial Day almost every year when I was young, and on the 4th of July too!  

After lunch, we all met up at the nearby reservoir and took a little walk, and a few even jumped into the freezing water!  I borrowed my aunt's bike and rode to and from the lake with my one of my uncles and a cousin, which was really fun, but I realized I'm not in as good of shape as I thought! :/

My Mom, in a social setting like that, would normally make her rounds to everyone there, asking them how they are and what they are doing in their lives.  She always had such a way of getting into other people, making good conversation and making people feel good about themselves!  This time she seemed a bit confused and unsure as to who all the people were.  I'm pretty sure she recognized her siblings, but her nieces and nephews and their kids, I'm not too sure!  She wandered around a bit, a little unsure as to what she was to be doing -- it seemed.  She even passed me in the kitchen a few times, seemingly not even knowing who I was.  And I noticed that people (including myself) were talking behind her back about her condition and she seemed totally unaware!  How sad she would be in her right mind to know that family was talking behind her back! Of course we talk in love, because we all love my Mom, but she would be sad nonetheless!
 

My Mom and 3 of her 4 siblings . . at the cabin! 
May, 2014

Just a few days ago I found myself driving down the street with tears falling off my face, mourning the fact that my great Mom, who I have known and loved for 45 years, is slipping away from me in this life time.  Like I've mentioned before, I have accepted the fact that this is the reality of my life and our family's life, and I am dealing with it as strongly and the best I know how . . . but every once in a while, I breakdown from the actual reality.  

My Dad says that my Mom seems to be getting a little worse each day.  Lately she has been taking photos off the walls at their house and taking clothes out of her closet and drawers and saying that she needs to take those things and go home!  What home is she talking about?  She is no longer remembering this home that she has spent the last 38 years in!  It's so mind boggling to me!  My Dad says, "It's not her fault . . . it's the disease's fault!"  He has grown incredibly patient through all of this! 

My parents have a big photo wall in the den in their house. It has approximately 20-30 different photos of various extended and immediate family members.  The other day my Mom asked my sister and I if we knew anybody on that wall.  We said, "Yes, we know everybody!"  She couldn't believe it and asked who all of them were!  She says she wants to replace the photos with different ones!? 

My Mom and sis taking a spin on the bikes at Smith and Morehouse Reservoir!
May, 2014

 My Mom keeps talking about the "school up on the hill".  Somehow she thinks there is a school up the hill from where they live, although up the hill is a mountain.  I'm trying to figure out what school she is thinking of?  She must be thinking of the two different high schools where she used to teach a nursing careers class . . that's the only schools I can think of . . . and she still talks of wanting to get another job there.  "I wonder if they'll hire me," she says. I try to convince her that she doesn't want to go back to work! 

I've recently found my Mom's most recent journal and have brought it home to read.  Inside the journal was also a pile of letters my Dad wrote to my Mom while he was on his mission to England.  It's so very interesting to read about the inner feelings of both of them!  I'll have to include a few excerpts from her journals soon.  I'm glad she was such a diligent journal writer! 


Flashing back to 4.5 years ago . . . 

January, 2010

(The following are isolated happenings that took place in the year 2009, but were written about in January, 2010.)  

Mike and Jennie (bro and sis-law) were in town from Boston for a little while . . . Jennie felt more comfortable if she drove my parent's car instead of my Mom, with her kids in the car.  I don't blame her.  My Mom said later, “Everybody already thinks I’ve lost it!”  

My Dad had a few incidences of doing some dumb things over a few week period and my Mom was so happy about it!  “I’m so glad it wasn’t me this time that did something stupid!  It’s usually me!”  My Dad got his car key stuck in his car, his Pilot, and he somehow lost his Ipod.  They were two major ordeals that really frustrated my Dad.  Fortunately for my Mom, she was comforted by the fact that temporarily she was in good company in being so forgetful, doing dumb things and misplacing things!   

One day while we were getting a pedicure, my Mom turned to me and said, “If I die soon, in my death bed, be sure and make sure that everyone can see my pretty toes!”  She keeps making remarks about “when she’s dying”, or “when I’m gone", or will you remember?”  I don’t like it!

My sis-in-law Jennie feels strongly that we need to get involved with an Alzheimer’s support group . . . she's probably very right, but for some reason I just can't do it right now!  I'm not in an emotionally stable enough position where I could go sit through those support meetings!  I'd probably bawl my eyes out and I'm afraid of that! Jennie ended up going to a meeting while she was in town (and my sister went too I think) and then told my Mom when they got back that they had gone.  A few days later my Mom broke down because she thought they had gone behind her back.

My Mom and her sis, Deanne in 2009

I called her one day to find out she had spent much of the morning in tears.  “I’ve just had a really dark morning. . . I have no memory! . . . I understand so perfectly what my Dad went through and why he took his life.”  I can usually hold it together while talking to her, but this time I could not.  How do you talk to someone that’s experiencing such a dark moment, and help them feel that life is worth living?  I told her I wanted to help her, but she said she has no idea what she’d have me do.  “I’m not afraid to die”, she said.  “I’d much rather have physical problems than to go through this . . . or maybe I wouldn’t.”  I need to start meeting her once a week and going to lunch and going on a little outing.  I think she really likes to be busy so that she doesn’t have to think of this disease and the future that lies ahead!