I love butterflies!

June 15, 2014

At a church activity a few months ago, we as women got together and had a service night!  We all thought of a service that we could give away, wrote it down on a piece of paper, and then took turns drawing out what service we would receive.  I just so happened to get "a guided, hiking tour in Corner Canyon", meaning that my neighbor, Janet, who is a big biker and hiker, said she would show me a new hike up in the mountains near my home.  This was perfect!  I really was very excited because I have hiked in these mountains near my house a handful of times, but had never dared venture out and go the other direction.  I have always done the same old hike, but have been told there are many other paths to be explored! Janet told me that she would show me around up there!  

Clark's Trail up Corner Canyon, June 2014

So, about a week ago, I got a call from my good neighbor Janet, and the next day we were off on this adventure!  I had previously planned to go hiking with my Mom and Dad that same morning, but unfortunately my Dad had injured his foot while playing tennis and thought he'd better rest it, so this was the perfect day for my "guided tour"!  And what made it even more great was that my Dad drove my Mom out to go hiking with us that morning!  My Mom is happiest when she is outside in nature and I love to see her happy!  The weather was perfect and we had a great old time!  Janet was so kind and patient with my Mom who kept bringing up how the mountain so reminded her of the gully that was in her backyard growing up. (My Mom's memories of her childhood are foremost on her mind right now!)  At one point during our hike, my Mom asked me how many siblings I have and where I grew up in front of Janet . . but Janet didn't bat an eye.  She understood, and later told me in a text that she "could feel immediately what a wonderful person she (my mom) is . . . what a sweet lady.  I am in awe of how she zipped up and back down that mountain.  Thank you so much for sharing your day."  I thought that was very sweet of Janet! For the most part, I think my Mom knew who I was that day!  It was a fun and beautiful morning!

Yesterday my husband and I met my parents and sister at a restaurant about half way between our two houses. It's Father's Day today and so we wanted to take my Dad out for the occasion.  It was a good time!  I noticed my Mom stayed pretty quiet during our conversation, which isn't unusual lately.  I can't help but wonder how much she hears and understands about what we are talking about.  She doesn't participate much in the conversation, other than to ask what was said or who a certain person is.  At one point, I asked her if I could have a taste of her tasty looking shrimp and noodle dish. Of course she said YES and then kept insisting that I have more and more.  I think she ended up thinking her meal was both of ours and then kept saying that she thought she was eating too much of it.  That darn memory!  I couldn't convince her that it was HER meal!  I love that she still has such a kind and giving heart!

My older sister told me last night that although my Mom is still aware that she has Alzheimers, she's pretty sure that my Mom doesn't see the disease as a problem anymore.  It used to depress her and make her sad, as you can imagine it would, but I'm so grateful for the tender mercy she has received .... that she is unaware that her condition is worsening by the day!  At least I hope she is!

Happy Father's day to my awesome Dad who is being put through the ringer right now! I admire his patience and love in caring for my Mom! And to all the other great men in my life! 

 
Flashing back to 4.5 years ago . . . . 

January, 2010

Back in September at my Mom's Birthday lunch at Chuck-a-rama, I asked my Mom if she had seen one of her best, old high school friends that has recently gotten a divorce.  She said that her group of friends from school had invited this friend to a few places recently, but she just hadn't shown up to anything.  We concluded it was probably just too hard for her to be around these old friends of hers whose lives seem so perfect and good.  “Little does she know”, my Mom said, “that I’m slowly dying!”  I really don’t like it when she says stuff like that!  I don’t know how to respond. 

I’ve noticed lately that my Mom has been openly telling people that she has Alzheimer’s disease.  I think that’s a wise decision for her to do that, versus trying to hide it, and hoping that people don’t notice.  

I'm on the verge of having a conversation with my kids about my Mom's disease.  I've never had an open conversation with them about it.  I'm pretty sure that at least my older kids already know and suspect, and probably know much more than I even know, but I just feel that I need to talk to them about it and get it out in the open.  I'm a little afraid, though,  of not being able to control my emotions!

My Mom has been so good about sending Christmas and Valentine's cards each year lately.  Here is the most recent Christmas card we received from my Mom and Dad just last month (December, 2009), written by my Mom:

“Dear Matt, Mardi and Family,  
Just thought I’d send you one of my homemade Christmas cards.  (A copy of a stocking she painted)  We’re certainly in the Christmas spirit after hearing Mardi’s Christmas concert.  (I sing in a 100 person chorale and they came to hear one of my concerts!)  We cherish all of you and wish you the best Christmas as you think about others and forget yourselves!  You are good at that!  You are loved and cherished!   Love, Mom and Dad   

My Mom and my youngest in the fall of 2009

My Mom has been one of the best examples I know of serving and loving others, and forgetting herself and thinking of others!  I love that advice and I believe that’s one of the greatest keys to being happy in this life!  It’s so easy to get caught up in ourselves and feel bad for ourselves about what someone said or did . . but by serving others and getting out of ourselves, we find true happiness!  She has always had such great advice, even when the neurons in her brain are dying.  She still has that eternal perspective and hopefully can always remember that as she struggles through this trial!  I hope I can always remember too! 

I recently read the book "Still Alice" by Lisa Genova -- a great book about a woman named Alice that has Alzheimers.  I reviewed the book in my book club and cried all the way through my review, just because it hit way too close to home!  I really tried to keep my composure, but just couldn't! In the book, it talked about how Alice "liked being reminded of butterflies. She remembered being six or seven and crying over the fates of the butterflies in her yard after learning that they lived for only a few days. Her mother had comforted her and told her not to be sad for the butterflies, that just because their lives were short didn't mean they were tragic. Watching them flying in the warm sun among the daisies in their garden, her mother had said to her, see, they have a beautiful life. Alice liked remembering that.” 

I instantly loved this when I read it! My Mom, too, is like the butterfly, whose life might eventually be cut a little short . . . but a beautiful life it has been!  Her life has brought much happiness and joy into my life, and the lives of many people.  I've never told anyone before, but the butterfly is my new favorite little bug!  I can never look at a butterfly now without thinking of my Mom!  I wear a butterfly ring on my right, middle finger, and I don't believe I've ever told anyone the significance!  I think I'll keep it on for as long as I live, to remind me of my great Mom . . . and her beautiful life!