Perhaps I'm starting to show signs of Alzheimer's myself??

December 28, 2013

We went and spent some time at my parent's house on Christmas afternoon.  Half of my siblings live out of state and were not in town, and so we were a small little group this year.  I always love spending time with them! 

In the first 5 minutes, after arriving, my Mom spilled a glass of water all over the kitchen table and accidentally dropped and broke a plate into hundreds of tiny pieces on the kitchen floor.  She said that her day wasn't going so well.  I assured her that it was just "spilled milk" (or water) and a plate that could be replaced.  Thank goodness, I think she quickly forgot about it.  

Lately my Mom fixates on certain topics and can't let them go.  For example, Christmas day she was stuck on the idea that her tennis friends no longer want her to play with them.  She kept bringing up the idea that her friends were all playing without her the next day, and she really wanted to call them.  We couldn't convince her otherwise.  My poor Dad deals with that on a daily basis.  

I sometimes find myself wondering which one of us kids (out of me and my siblings) is going to get her same disease?  Will any of us get Alzheimers?  Will a few of us get it?  Obviously I hope that none of us get it, but I find that I think about it quite a bit.  I know that a few of my siblings do too!  I'll have a moment of forgetfulness and wonder, 'could it be starting already?'  I really pray that I never get it.  I tell my kids and husband to be nice to me if I ever do!

My Mom and her 4 siblings at Christmas time, 2011 . . .
a few years ago!

Flashing back to over 7 years ago . . . 

 

September 21, 2006

My Mom and Dad in Bountiful at my grandparent's house
(my Dad's parents) . . in the 80's!  My Mom and I used to share
that green outfit!  I loved it!  We shared a lot of our clothes.

            I hadn’t talked to my Mom or Dad for a while and so I called this morning to see what’s going on with them.  First I talked to my Dad.  We chit chatted about our kids and about them redecorating their family room.  The big joke whenever I call and get my Dad on the phone, I always say, “Whatcha doin’?”  About 90% of the time my Dad is on his computer working on some project, so he always says, “Well, I’m just spending a little time on my computer.”  He practically lives on his computer.  I think other than his morning treadmill walk, my Mom, the grand kids and his tennis racket, his computer is his best friend! :)

            My Dad retired about 6 years ago from being an extremely busy, well respected and successful Cardiologist.  He retired early, in his late 50’s, to serve a mission.  Now that I think back on that, they were lucky to get that mission in when they did because in the next year or two I’m not sure they would have been called.  As mentioned a few times before, it was about half way through their three year mission that my Mom started her feelings of anxiety and forgetfulness.  Anyway, my Dad has been so used to working 14 hours a day when he was a doctor that retirement has been a really different situation for them.  They were accustomed to their separate lives during the day, and now that they are home together everyday, it has been a huge adjustment for both!  I believe my Dad has his computer and his tennis games as a little get away and my Mom goes on long bike rides and plays tennis as hers. 

            I asked my Dad how Mom is doing.  “Are her spirits up?” I asked. 

            “The good times come and go but basically she’s pretty happy.  Generally speaking, she’s happy and doing ok.” he said.  To some degree I think my Dad tries to protect me.  He knows how very sensitive I am and doesn’t ever want to upset me.  He might sugar coat things just a bit as not to upset me.  For some reason I got off the phone and had another one of my mini break downs.  (A breakdown = having a short little cry to myself or to someone who asks me about my Mom)  I cried for just a few minutes in the shower but fortunately my mind was taken elsewhere quickly as my 3 youngest boys were all trying to get my attention.  I think these breakdowns occur for a few different reasons.  First and foremost, I’m upset that my Mom is gradually losing her mind and I greatly fear what lies in the future with that.  I’m also upset for my Dad who is trying so hard to be brave through all of this.  This is not exactly the life he had hoped for and he is putting on the happy and brave face.  I think deep down he is really hurting and that really hurts me to see my parents hurting.  Then, my Mom is perfectly aware of what is happening to her and I hate to see her down and depressed.  

            My Mom called me later after her shower.  Conversation is normal for the most part and I am grateful to still have my same old Mom.  I don’t want things to change right now.  We had a regular old conversation about this and that and as always she gives me good advice and gives me her listening ear.  What will I ever do without that?  She seems to be in pretty good spirits while still carrying on a very busy life.  She and my Dad still go down to the juvenile detention center every Wednesday night and teach the boy juveniles different lessons.  Mom says that she’s still doing ok with that, but it’s just really hard since she can’t remember a whole lot.  My Dad has offered the last few weeks to take her class at the juvenile detention center, I’m sure to relieve her of any stress, but my Mom doesn’t want to give it up.  “If I stop doing it now, I guess it’s over.”  (just like with her teaching of gospel doctrine)  Her short term memory is just what’s suffering the very most.  That’s one thing she keeps saying . . . “everything is just fine . . . if only I just had my memory back.”  That darn memory!  To a small degree I know what she might be feeling.  Every once in a while I catch myself asking someone the same question over again just a few minutes later.  I guess the difference is – I catch myself doing it.   

          Lately I’ve also found myself forgetting things that I shouldn’t be forgetting.  For example, as 2^nd Counselor in my ward’s Young Women I was asked by the President to call my across the street neighbors, to ask them a question about a Daddy daughter party we are having next week.  I completely forgot and I’m sure that the President thinks I’m a total flake or just a bit of an air head.  Actually, I’m hoping she’s understanding to the fact that I’m dealing with six children compared to her 1.  I think she regrets having called such a busy person as me!  

            I also sometimes have a hard time remembering what someone just told me minutes earlier.   Maybe I’m just not paying attention like I should be.  I don’t think I’ve been like this my whole life.  I just keep telling myself that it’s my six kids that make me this way.  I have brain overload most of the time!  I hope it gets easier and not worse as my kids get older.  Bottom line, I think I understand my Mom’s frustration to a certain degree.  I believe there’s a small possibility that I’m losing my memory right along with my Mom.  I think there’s even a better possibility that my six kids is a very valid excuse for my “brain deadness!”  Am I normal?  I hope so!

            My Mom and Dad really are great people!  I couldn’t feel more blessed to have been brought up and raised by such wonderful and great parents!  I hope my children feel the same way about me when they are older.