My Mom is a queen and I sometimes do dumb things!

December 11, 2013

I went to my annual, book club Christmas luncheon yesterday with a handful of my friends.  This book club consists of about 20 ladies and has been going now for over 15 years!  It started out with about 12 girls and then people have dropped out and people have joined through the years . . . many that I knew in college and some who I have just met since.  We read a different book each month and then gather at someone's house to discuss the book and eat lunch.  Since December is such a busy month, we don't read a book, but we have a gift exchange instead.  This year we exchanged cook books.  

We play that game where we all draw a number and take turns opening a gift, one of the cookbooks . . .  and then if the person after you wants to steal your book, they can.  One book can be stolen up to three times and then it becomes "frozen" . . . and so there is usually a lot of stealing that goes on at these parties.  I drew number 5 out of 13.  When it was my turn I decided to steal someone else's cook book that I was excited about and everybody was saying it was a great one!  In fact, there ended up being about 3 other similar cookbooks, all written by the same authors.  Well a few minutes later, as I was sitting there with the book I wanted, I found my cookbook being stolen from me.  Darn!  So it then became my turn to open another present or steal someone else's book.   I wanted one of those 4 books out there that were similar and looked really great!  Absent-minded me went right back to the gal that had just stolen from me and tried to get my book back!  Ooops, stupid me!  Of course she's the one that just stole it from me, and of course you can't do that, but my eyes were just on the cook books!  Dumb but innocent mistake!  My friend, in a pretty disgusted tone, and without making any eye contact with me, said, "I'm the one that just stole the book from you!"  As if to say, "Duh!  Are you stupid?"  Well, to say the least,  I felt very stupid in front of my 12 other friends!  

It dawned on me at that very moment that this is probably the way my Mom often felt as she was just starting to show signs of her Alzheimer's and people were not aware yet that she had the disease.  I'm sure she had many embarrassing and awkward moments like that where her friends and other people pointed out that she was asking the same question for the third time, or that she was sitting in the wrong seat or that she was doing or saying something wrong!  It's so sad to me . . . to think that she probably went months and maybe even years trying to hide the fact that her memory was failing her . . and she probably had many of those embarrassing moments!  

I'm not the kind of person that would hold a grudge about my friend's reaction to me and my stupid mistake yesterday.  People often act without speaking and I very well realize that!  I, for one, have said many things that I regret!  So, I will let this pass and will hopefully not think another thing of it . . . but I don't want to forget the lessons learned from this . . .

Me, my Mom and my 3 sisters . . . 1979!

I'm so thankful for people that are patient and loving in all situations.  Allow people to make stupid mistakes without making them feel like they want to climb in a hole!  I need to use that learning in my own family especially!  Let my kids make mistakes without making them feel STUPID!  I want to be better at that!  I think I'm pretty good at that when it comes to friends and acquaintances, but not always with close family members! 
 

Flashing back to over 7 years ago . . .

August, 2006

My Mom before the mission

Has been playing tennis since about age 35
and has always loved it!

Before my parents served their mission in England from 2000-2003, my Mom was involved with so many things!  She taught a nursing careers class at East High School . . . and from what I gathered, it was a very popular class that many wanted to take.  My Mom made her lessons fun and exciting and the teenagers just adored her and the class.  I wonder how many people are nurses today because of the efforts and love of my Mom?  I'll bet there are a lot of them out there!  My Mom also used to volunteer up at the University of Utah on the Alumni committee.  I'm not sure what exactly she did with them, but it kept her pretty busy!  She has always loved the sport of tennis and has played on teams for about the last 30 years!  She continues to play tennis a few times a week and has fulfilled many important callings in the church, etc., her favorites being in the Young Women I would guess.  

Loved teaching a nurse careers class at East High
and Highland High in the 90's!  Her students
 loved her from what I heard!

My Mom has had such a full life and has made such a difference in the world.  I'm really afraid that all will be forgotten after this long road of such a horrible disease!!  I have to make sure that doesn't happen!

September 1st, 2006

I talked to my Mom on the phone the other day and asked her how she was doing.  She said she’d be great if only her mind was normal.  Another comment she has made to me recently is, "You don't know how lonely I feel!"  These comments make me so sad, and I often am left not knowing what to say to her!

My mom has also expressed to me that she would want to die to relieve my Dad's frustrations!  She knows she is frustrating to him sometimes and she obviously doesn't want to put him through this! 

September 7^th, 2006

            My parents just tended our six children for a few days while my husband and I went on an annual trip to Lake Powell with some friends.  We got home last night.  First thing this morning my Mom called to see if we had a good time.  Conversation is so normal and good with her.  Just every once in a while she will have a hard time finding a word, or remembering someone’s name, or she will forget what she was about to say.  Don’t we all do that at times?  I know I do.  I’m just so happy to still have my Mom!  I have to admit that I still have little mini breakdowns about once or twice a month when I get thinking of what really might be happening to my Mom, my best friend, who has always been so understanding of me, and who I have shared clothes with for years, and who I love to death!  The reality of my nightmare just hits me at weird times.

Mission photo in 2000!

            As mission President of the London South Mission during the years 2000-2003, my parents met many wonderful people through that experience, some who they keep in regular contact with.  One of these couples are the Romneys, who served in the London Central Mission at the very same time.  They flew over with them and spent time with them in the MTC before leaving.  They have had only great things to say about them.  In fact, I ran into C. Romney at Women’s Conference this past spring.  She recognized me and said that I looked like a great mixture between my Mom and my Dad.  That’s a big compliment to me because I think there are both pretty darn good looking!  :) hehe   

         Anyway, my Mom proceeded to tell me on the phone this morning that she and my Dad had the opportunity to go up to the Romney’s cabin and spend some time with them.  She said it was absolutely beautiful up there!  Close by to where they were visiting this cabin, my Mom’s book club friends were also meeting for a book club get together at one of their cabins.  My Mom got to go to both cabins in one day.  She said it was particularly fun with her book club friends because they all got real with each other and opened up and poured out their souls to each other.  They all admitted their problems and she said that it was a lot like a testimony meeting.  “It is so refreshing when people are so honest and straightforward with each other,” she said.  I didn’t ask how open my Mom was, but it would sure be interested in knowing.  I’m sure she probably admitted to being so frustrated with her short term memory loss and expressing fear over the loss of her mind.  I hope she received a lot of love and support from them!  She really does have some great friends and I hope they stick by her through all this! 

            My Mom has done so much good in the world and she deserves to be treated like a queen!  I told her for her birthday on Sunday that we are going to celebrate for her, the queen, and for my little niece Ashley too, the princess.  She just laughed!  I love her so much!

(A very interesting and ironic sidenote:  My parent's friend C. Romney has since been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, but I think she's a few years behind my Mom in her progression!)