"How do we know each other?"

November 19, 2013

My Mom and Dad, November 2013

Today I am going to meet my Mom and Dad so that I can take my Mom for the afternoon and early evening.  My Dad is on the correlation committee with the church and has meetings every Tuesday afternoon.  My Dad sometimes still leaves my Mom home alone for short periods of time by herself, but not very often anymore.  He usually has to take her with him or make sure someone is in charge of her.  Today she is going to go with me to take my 10 year old son to piano lessons, and then maybe we'll go find her a new dress or something.  My Dad said she's been complaining lately about not being able to buy anything new.  My Mom used to shop A LOT and so I think this has been difficult for her . . . not being able to shop anytime she wants, and spend the money however she pleases.  My Dad doesn't allow her to carry the credit cards or money anymore because she loses them or forgets she has them.  Every time I am with her, she feels like she is missing something and often asks, "Did I have anything?"  I think it's her purse she feels like she's missing because she's lived a lifetime of having a purse on her shoulder and money and lipstick at her fingertips at all times.  

I like spending time with her . . . even though she's getting a little worse each day.  I've started wondering lately if she will remember that we are mother/daughter and not just friends.  She said to me a few weeks ago, "So remind me how we know each other."  We had just spent a few hours together  grocery shopping and she helped me make some chicken enchiladas . . . and then she said that to me, "Did you just show up at my door one day and we became friends?  Or how did we get to know each other?"  I calmly said, "Well you are my Mom you know."  And instead of acting a little embarrassed like I thought she might, she said, "Oh yes, I knew we were related, but just couldn't remember how." 

And, flashing back to 7 years ago . . . 

August, 2006

What will MY trials be in life?

I’ve always wondered what my big trials would be in life.  Of course I have had many small trials along my journey in life, but nothing major.  I have been blessed with a great husband, six healthy children, and wonderful extended family and friends.  I think I’m beginning to figure out what one of my big ones is . . . and right now I’m determined to pass the test with flying colors, as I've mentioned before . . . and I want to help everyone else pass too.  We’re going to get through this!  I’ve decided that I’m going to keep a journal to help me get through this for a few different reasons:  #1 I believe that by writing my feelings down, it will help me to keep track of all the great things about my Mom, and #2  I feel that perhaps one day my thoughts and feelings  might help someone else that might go through this same difficult trial, and #3  It is a safe and somewhat private way that I can share my feelings that build and build until I can’t stand it anymore.  I’d much rather cry to my computer than fall apart in front of my family and friends! 

I’m attached to my parents!

My Mom has always been my best friend.  I know that we had our fair share of the normal Mother/daughter arguments, but for the most part we have always had a great relationship.  I remember running home from the bus stop in junior high and high school just to tell my Mom the latest happenings with boys or with my friends at school.  I felt like she had been through many of the same experiences I was going through and she understood me.  I’ve always liked her good advice!  She also gives the best arm and back rubs.  When I was younger and living under my parent’s roof, we would often take turns tickling each other’s arms while watching television on her bed.  She continues to love to have her head rubbed and I still do that whenever I can.  She’s quite the heathen! :)

My Mom and I in 2009?

Ever since my husband, Matt graduated with his Master’s Degree from BYU, he has talked about how great it would be to move out of the state of Utah and be adventurous and live somewhere else.  I have never been able to stand the thought of living anywhere else but here in good old Utah right here by my parents.  “This life is too short.  I want to live here near family for as long as we can!”  I have never liked the thought of living away and not being able to see my parents on a regular basis.  Something is very comforting about knowing that I can jump in my car at any time and be to my parent’s house within 30 minutes. 

First realization that others were aware that something might be wrong:

My Mom has always been very active and physically fit.  Around the age of 35, my Mom took up the game of tennis.  She picked it up really fast, and quickly moved up the ladder to a 4.5 player.  You may not be familiar with the tennis rankings, but the lowest level player ranks at a 2.5 and then goes up to 3.0, 3.5, 4.0, and then 4.5 is the highest level you can play without being a pro.  Although her ranking is now lower, my Mom continues to play tennis with some of the same gals.  I ran into one of her long time friends and tennis friends, Jean, down at the pool at my parent’s condo in St. George a few months ago and she asked me the dreaded question,  “How is your Mom doing?”  At first I didn’t know know what to say.  I haven’t known quite how to respond to such a question.  What does she mean by this?  Am I supposed to answer, ‘fine!’ and then change the subject?  This was actually the first indication that I have had from anybody outside our family that people were becoming aware that something might be wrong with my Mom.  That realization hit me pretty hard, and I cried on and off for many weeks following.  Not even my family was aware of how upset I was by all of this until it finally exploded out one day to Matt.  I think this is how this whole journey is going to be for me.  I think I will be able to hide it well on the outside, but in my private moments, it will hit me hard on and off . . . a not-so-fun roller coaster ride!