Another Letter to Mom!

Dear Mom, 

Today is October 18th. I started a letter to you a few weeks ago and didn't quite get to finish . . . there are just so many memories and things I still want to tell you, and that's why this letter is turning out to be a two or three part letter.

Mom and sister Deanne, Sept. 2015

Right now I must tell you that you are still at a geriatric medical facility where the doctors are still trying to help you find the best meds that will help you cope with your agitation that you sometimes feel. You're also not sleeping well lately and so they are trying to help you with that too. It is taking a lot longer than we expected and I can only imagine the confusion and frustration that you must feel. I'm so sorry! I just really hate that your disease has brought you to this point! Alzheimers is just a mean disease and we're keeping our fingers crossed that you can go back soon to your other place that I think will be more comfortable for you! It's also a place that I think I will be more comfortable visiting. 

You've been at this medical facility for over two weeks now and although I've visited you there once on Conference Sunday, Dad says I should probably wait until you go back to the other place to start visiting regularly again. I think he's worried that I'll just sit and cry . . . he knows me too well, and of course you know that I love you so darn much that I sometimes have a rough time keeping my emotions under control. This place is just not quite as "homie" as the other place! The doctors were saying that you could possibly move back this past Friday, but now they are saying this Tuesday . . maybe! I am hopeful and my fingers are crossed! I want to come visit you soon! It's been too long and I have missed our outings and walks! 

Mom with my 3 youngest boys . . a few years ago!

I think about you every day, and about this big transition of you being moved from your house of 39 years and into these new living arrangements. As much as I was hoping you would never have to enter one of these homes, and Dad too was so wanting to keep you at home to the end, it is just not meant to be. The decision to send you to a home was no doubt one of the hardest decisions Dad has ever had to make, but I feel strongly that it was a good decision under the circumstances, and I think you would definitely agree. I so hope that we still have opportunities to go on more walks together and to spend more time together in the near future! Your confusion is getting worse and so I'm a little doubtful, but still hopeful!

Dad visits you every single day. He spends an hour or two with you . . helping you shower and dress and do your hair as he has done for the last few years. Dad seems to be doing pretty well, and your neighbors, ward members and friends are inviting him to dinner and to various places. I'm so happy about that because I don't want him to be lonely without you! Although Dad continues to appear strong through all of this, I can tell it is hard on him because he hates seeing you live like this, but yet doesn't see that there are any other options at this point! We are just doing what we feel is best for you!  

Mom and good friend, Karen in the summer of 2013

Since this disease has taken away so many of your memories and abilities, I know that you are probably wondering if any of us will remember the real you . . you from 10+ years ago! Rest assured that we will for sure!  I mentioned that in the last letter, but I just want to make sure that you know that our memories of you will last forever! So many memories have been passing through my mind lately, and every time one comes to mind, I have to hurry and type it on to my notes app on my phone so I don't forget. I've thought of so many of the good times, but I've also thought of some harder times that have come to mind. I have learned so much from you and feel that because of your example, and Dad's, I am who I am, and I thank you for that. I will now make sure that the good memories and stories will be carried on to future generations. You will live on in our stories and minds and will never be forgotten, I promise!

We might be losing you and your mind for a time, but we know that there is more after this life and we all so look forward to picking up where we left off when we all enter the next phase!  

Extended family dinner at Olive Garden, 2012?

Here are some of the memories and lessons that have come to mind lately . . . 

Do you remember every February sending us all Valentine cards in the mail? I'm guessing it was until about 4 or 5 years ago that you sent one to each one of us, including all of the grand kids. Did you know that you now have 20 grand kids, with number 20 just arriving last Friday! With one more on the way in a couple months! And you have your very first grandchild expected to be born sometime this week or next! Yes, that means I will be a granny for the first time too and I can't wait! There's even talk that this new great grandchild (from Sarah and Brady) may carry your name as their middle name? That would be pretty cool, right? This baby will be able to carry on the name of one of our most favorite people ever! I'm so grateful that I kept a large handful of those Valentine cards so that I can look back on them and see your great cursive handwriting and read your beautiful love notes to us. I can still picture how you positioned your hand as you would sign your name or write your usual cursive . . . rarely did I ever see you write in print. You have always had an amazing heart and I loved getting those cards from you!

I loved how you discovered your ability to paint about 10 or so years ago. We now possess a handful of your paintings and they will forever be treasures to us!  We have one of your paintings in our main floor bathroom and one of the temple in our bedroom. One day I would love to own the big one in your house that has all the beautiful, colorful flowers.  

Mom meeting Britton for the first time in 2000 in London!

When Matt and I first got married, I had a lot to learn about cooking, even though you taught me how to make a handful of things as I was growing up . . like scrambled eggs, your orange rolls, raspberry jam, donuts etc. Thanks for your patience when I would call you often for advice! I really wish I had half of your knowledge when it comes to cooking and entertaining people! You probably would argue with me about this, but you really were a great cook. Thanks for all your great meals and for making me eat my veggies! I miss being able to call you with my cooking questions, but it has forced me to figure things out myself, which is good I suppose. 

I'll never forget being woken up early by you on school mornings for scripture study. All of us kids would lay on your bed to listen to you read a page or a chapter. I must admit that I sometimes dozed off to sleep during those sessions, but I tried my best to listen and to learn. I so admire your dedication to do regular scripture study with us, to have family and personal prayers and to have family home evening on a regular basis. I can picture you and Dad kneeling by your bed saying your private prayers. I have fond memories of you assigning me to be in charge of the lessons for family night. That was such great practice for me in helping me to prepare for my future callings in the church!

Mom, Dad and my daughter Sarah, 2012
(She's the one having the grandbaby this week!)

I'm sure you'll remember me borrowing your clothes on a constant basis! I honestly don't remember a time that I asked if I could wear something of yours, that you told me NO. And now that I'm a Mom and love my clothes to be available and clean when I want to wear them, I am more grateful for you and your patience and trust in me. I don't feel that I would be quite that patient! I always thought your taste in clothes was so classy and sharp and I always felt lucky and grateful that we were the same size!

I remember people telling me what great legs you had/have! :) You were always so fit and tan and set a great example of taking good care of our bodies! 

California beach in about 1999?

I remember so well waiting on the grassy hill after elementary school and being picked up by you at the back of the school. Thanks for all the rides to piano and violin lessons, ballet classes, art classes, tennis classes and matches, to the movies, and for always being so supportive at recitals and performances. With the six of us kids, I now look back in amazement that you could keep up with all of us and our crazy schedules! You were amazing! 

It's no surprise to me that there were some days that you had "just had it!" Only a few times do I remember you leaving the house in frustration while just needing a break! You later told me that there were a few times that you drove down to Provo and went to see a movie by yourself for a few hours . . . but then you came right back and were back at it! You put up with a lot of stress with all of us kids but it's impressive how you were able to keep your cool 95% of the time! Way to go! You did it!  That's got to feel good that those crazy, stressful mothering days are over now for you. You should be happy and rest easy that you did such a great job! I think I can speak for all of us kids when I say that we could not have asked for a better Mom . . . really!   

Thanksgiving walk in St. George, 2013

I remember watching you performing tap dancing numbers with your friends at various church and school events, and you being willing to dress up to be the Care Bear at our elementary school where you wore that big, warm costume, and never complained about it. What a trooper! I'm pretty sure that I would have turned that job down . . . but not you! 

I remember you going to the juvenile detention center with Dad and teaching the kids there . . . and loving it! You always had a way with the youth and knew just how to make people feel good about themselves. I've had a handful of your past nursing career students from Highland and East High tell me how great of a teacher they thought you were. It's no surprise that they loved you, and I know that you LOVED them too!  

Well again, I could go on and on about memories with you and stories of people whose lives have been positively impacted by you, but I will stop here for now.  More to come.  

Thanks for being the best Mom ever!    

Love, 
Mardi 

PS.  I just talked to Dad on the phone a little earlier today and he said that you are for sure moving back to your original Memory Care facility tomorrow (Tuesday)! I'm so happy for you that the doctors were able to help you with your sleep and agitation problems, and I pray that it goes well and that you will be able to stay there!  xox  I'll visit soon!