This is our one and only life and we need to make the best of it!

May 6, 2014

My brother and sister-in-law are in town from South Carolina and so we got everybody together for dinner this past Sunday.  This same brother is moving from South Carolina to Idaho Falls next month . . . and then my sister, who has been living with her family of 7 in Hawaii for the last 5 years, is also moving back next month!  After 5 years of them living away, we are finally going to have everybody within driving distance!  Our Sunday dinners are going to be wild and crazy when we have everyone there (19 grand kids altogether!), but they will be fun too!  I'm excited!  

Anyway, this last Sunday, when we arrived at my parent's house, my Mom met us at our car as we pulled up.  She was happily welcoming us all!  The first thing I noticed was just how happy she seemed.  There has been many a time that we have showed up and I have been able to tell that she has been putting on a happy face, but something has been wrong with her and she has been down about something.  This disease has made her sad and mad on many occasions . . . but not this time! She had a smile on her face and that makes me happy to see!  It makes me think that slowly but surely she is becoming unaware of her circumstance of having Alzheimer's.  It's sad, but a tender mercy at the same time!

One of the first things my Mom said to me when we got inside was that she wanted me to come see her "friend" or "visitor" that lives in their bathroom.  This is about the third time that she has shown me the full size mirror in her bathroom and what appears to be a visitor looking back at us.  This time I could see that she clearly thinks the image of herself in the mirror is a stranger . . someone else!  She even introduced me to her this time with a little chuckle in her voice.  "How would you like to get out of the shower every morning and be greeted by that?" Wow!  I really don't know what to think of this.  Is it that her eye sight is going bad? Is it that she's seeing things that aren't really there? Does she really not recognize herself in the mirror? Well, we got a good little laugh out of it . . . even her!  If I don't laugh, I'll probably cry . . . so I think it's best to laugh a little instead! 

Anne, my Dad and Mom . . May 4, 2014

Some of my parents very best friends over the past 40 years, Steve and Anne, are now serving a mission for the LDS church back in Palmyra, New York.  After dinner my Dad got a call from Anne.  He went into the living room to talk to her since we were being noisy in the dining room.  I quickly figured out that Anne was playing a little trick on my parents as my sister and I watched her walk down my parent's driveway.  It was a fun little surprise for my parents to see her come walking through the front door when my Dad clearly believed he was talking to her while she was in New York.  She's here visiting her elderly mother.  I'm glad that they were able to spend some time together.  I wasn't with them long enough to know if my Mom fully remembered Anne, but I'm hoping so.  Anne and my Mom's friendship goes way way back and they have spent a ton of time together . . . many good times have been had by them . . . tap dancing, pool trips with our families, traveling together, book club luncheons, weekend outings, family outings together, playing tennis etc.!  

I would love to have known what Anne's thoughts were as she walked up to her car that day.  She didn't say it, but it was almost as if she wasn't letting herself think of the possibility that maybe that could be the last time she would see my Mom on this earth in a state where my Mom would somewhat know her.  By the time they get home from their mission in a year and a half, who knows what things will be like?  I'm glad I caught that great photo of them!
 

Paige, Mom, Dad and Sarah, Smith Fieldhouse at BYU, 5/01/14

My husband and I spoke at a big Women's Conference at Brigham Young University last week, and my parents came to watch.  It was great having a lot of the people that mean the most to me sitting right there in front supporting me!!  I spoke for about 20 minutes and then my hub Matt spoke for about 30 minutes.  A few times since that day, on the phone and in person, my Mom has asked me how Matt feels being done with such a big speech.  Interestingly she doesn't remember that I spoke too!  Oh well!  I'm glad she could be there anyway! 

My bro and sis-in-law and their family flew back home to North Carolina on Monday.  On their way to the airport I met them at Olive Garden where we all had lunch together.  I thought it was cute and interesting at the same time!  My Mom, with all her social grace that she hasn't lost yet, politely said to the waitress, "I have never eaten at this restaurant before . . . will you tell me what's good here?"  I'm not sure that anyone else heard her say that, and if they did, everyone just ignored it.  Although we have probably eaten at that very restaurant with her 50 times, she did not recall eating there and the waitress proceeded to tell her the favorites.  My Dad encouraged her to have soup and salad like most of us.  

I simply can't imagine how difficult it would be to live with someone like my Mom 24/7.  It would be so trying on the patience all the time!  Every now and again my Dad seems a little annoyed, but for the most part, he is doing awesome!!  He said something to me just before they drove away to take my brother's family to the airport . . . "I really don't know what life will be like 3 or so months from now. . . I really hope to be able to take care of Mom until she dies . . at home!"  I hope it doesn't get too hard to handle so that we can fulfill my Mom's wishes of never having to send her to a "memory care" facility! 


Flashing back to 5.5 years ago . . . 

December 8, 2008
 
    My Mom and Dad just returned from Colorado, visiting my sister Katie and Adam and attending my niece Annie’s baptism.  It was a quick trip (just a few days) but I think they had a good time.  I hadn’t talked to my Mom for over a week so I called her this morning.  We both had a good cry.  I asked her how she was doing as far as her memory goes.  She immediately broke down and told me how good it feels to be able to let it all out.  She says she usually bottles it all up and doesn’t say anything, but I’m glad that she feels like she can open up to me!  She’s just very frustrated over her lack of memory and not being able to remember anything.  She says she has to write everything down or it goes forgotten.  “I’m tired of faking it!” she said.  I told her she doesn’t need to fake it.  The stress over faking it probably makes it even harder for her to remember!  She came to the conclusion herself that the people that know her best probably know anyway.  They do!  And even people she doesn’t know as well, I think they know too.  It would probably take a lot of pressure off her to just talk openly about it with her friends and stop trying to fake being healthy and normal. 

    Again, she expressed her desire to die a quick death.  “It would be so much better!”  “I don’t fear dying, but it’s just how I’m going to get there!”  I assured her again that we would make sure that she is taken care of and that her dignity would stay in tact.  “Dad has enough money that he could put me up in a good nursing home. . . I just don’t want to be taken advantage of and abused in one of those homes!”  It makes me sad that she is even worried about that! 

    She also feels bad for my Dad for having to babysit her and keep her in line!  My Mom is also a little frustrated with my Dad because sometimes he’s not very patient with her.  She says she wishes he were more patient!  I want to talk to my Dad about it but I don’t want to offend him.  I’m sure it is very hard for him and without walking in his shoes, I can’t very fairly tell him to be more patient!  

Eating at Asian Star for my 40th Birthday, January 2009

    I asked my Mom today if she has been taking any drugs to help her.  She’s been taking Aricept, a drug for Alzheimer's patients.  I’ve guessed that she was taking something, but it was confirmed to me today.  My Mom knows and realizes that the drug will not cure her but will only slow it down.  She knows the reality of it all!  It’s too bad that she’s so aware of what is happening with her and her brain!  I talked to my Aunt Pat the other day about my Grandma who also had Alzheimer’s (we think!), or possibly it was just a form of dementia.  As far as we know, she was not aware what was happening to her.  We could be wrong though.  Maybe she was just more private and didn’t want to worry any of us by talking about it.  Maybe she knew what was happening but thought she could cover it up!  I think my Mom would probably bottle it all in too if I didn’t bring it up.  I think they need to be able to talk about it!  Just a small piece of advice:  If you have a relative that you suspect has it, figure out a way that you can let them talk about it so they can get it off their chest!

    My Mom is truly the best!  I told her the reason I’m the saddest is because I can’t imagine my life without her in it!  The thought of her dying and leaving me is devastating and I have already shed millions of tears over it. . . and I know a million more are coming!  There’s got to be some good and learning that will come out of all of this though.  There are things that I need to learn and that others need to learn through all of this.  I hope and pray that my Mom’s suffering is minimal through our necessary learning!  I want to be sure and remember the good times.  She so deserves to be remembered for her goodness and love, and not for this horrid disease! 

    My Mom’s biggest fear is the future and what the future brings with this disease!  I told her the only thing we can do is go a day at a time, enjoy the good times, and not worry about what will happen in the future.  It will happen as it happens and she will die the day she dies.  Profound huh? :)  There’s no stopping it and nothing we can do about it.  This is our one and only life and we need to make the best of it!  I hope to help her see that!  I hope that she can remember that! 

    I told my Mom this morning about the new planner I bought her that will help her keep track of her life.  She is excited for it and I'm excited to give it to her!