If only we could keep that "temporary earth life" perspective!

April 15, 2015

Happy tax day!  

My fabulous Mom on one of their many excursions!

If you have read a handful of my blog entries, you probably know by now that I usually spend one afternoon a week with my Mom.  Some weeks it doesn't work out for one reason or another, but for the most part, we have kept up this tradition for a while now.  My reasons for keeping up this tradition are many.  First, I love my Mom dearly and don't want any regrets after she passes on.  I want to spend as much time as I can with her and treat her the way I would want to be treated if I were ever, heaven forbid, in the same situation. I want to take her to do things that she has always enjoyed doing like being outdoors, hiking, getting treats and going shopping.  I also want to help my Dad out by giving him little breaks and giving him some adult conversation which he probably craves sometimes.  The reality is, at this point in my Mom's disease, I'm not sure that my Mom even remembers that we are getting together on a regular basis.  Lately she has said to me, "You ought to come more often!"  When I tell her that I come every week, she says, "Oh you do?"

Mom and my Britton in 2000, visiting them on their mission to London!

It ends up equating to about 4 hours a week that I get to spend with my Mom, and that is not really that much at all, and especially when you consider how many hours my Dad is with her each day and week. I mentioned in my last blog entry that I know that I really don't know even the half of what my Dad is experiencing with my Mom daily at their house.  I want him one day to write down about his experiences, and perhaps he'll let me share on this blog.  I'm only giving you my perspective from what I see in those 4 or so hours each week and from what I hear from my Dad and siblings on the phone.  The reason for telling you this is so that you will understand that you're not getting the whole story . . . and either am I!  I know that my Dad keeps a lot of the nitty gritty details from me . . . just to spare me the worry! Maybe one day we will get the whole scoop!  Or maybe I don't want to know it all?!  Do I?    

Mom hiking with some of her dinner group friends, 1998!

I've noticed lately that my Mom is losing her abilities to do even the smallest and simplest of tasks . . . things that we all do many times a day without much thought . . . like turning on and off a faucet, pushing a button to shut or open a garage door, putting on a jacket and zipping it up, hanging clothes up on a hanger, taking a lid on or off, fastening a belt, etc.  During Priesthood session a week and a half ago, I went with my daughter and we met my Mom and sister at Hires to eat . . . just us girls while the men were at their meeting!  It's hard to watch my Mom as she now has difficulty knowing how to eat a burger and then can't go to the restroom on her own because she can't figure out how to get her button and belt undone.  She walked out into the main part of the restaurant with her button and belt undone, but still said she couldn't go to the bathroom.  Of course I was happy to help her and she so sweetly told me that she wanted to hire me to be her helper all the time.  We both laughed about it . . a little.

I've also noticed lately how everyone my Mom meets is a friend.  Her same, kind self always shows itself when we are out and about amongst people.  She gives lots of hugs and tells a lot of people that they look familiar.  It's a little awkward at times, but most people are so kind and seem to understand . . . even when I don't tell them that she is my sweet Mom with Alzheimer's disease. 

Most people are just so nice!  A few weeks ago we took a walk down by Foothill Village where my Dad was going to pick us up on his way home from somewhere.  As we were waiting to cross Foothill Boulevard, which is a very busy road, a lady pulled into the gas station and Wendy's parking lot right next to us, jumped out of her car and ran over to us.  "Do you know this lady?" she asked me.  "Yes, she's my Mom and we're just out on a walk," I told her.  "Oh phew!" she said.  "I have picked your Mom up a few times lately and driven her home from various locations . . . I was just hoping that she was not trying to cross this road on her own!"  I've never met this lady in my life, but I did catch her last name, Fredericks.  It just amazes me how kind and caring and thoughtful some people are!  She was concerned about my Mom and hardly even knows her!  I love people!  There are good people everywhere and that is comforting knowledge!  I want to be one of those "good people!"  

Night times, from what I've heard, are "hellish" lately at my parent's house.  My Mom constantly thinks that people are taking off with all of "her Mom's" things, or she wants to go home and piles up many of her belongings to take with her.  We've been out of town for the last week for our spring break and we just got back a few days ago.  I called my Dad to see how things were going today and he said, "It's crazy around here . . but what is new?"  My Mom was angry at him for taking many of "her mother's things" and giving them away!  Keep in mind that her mother, my Grandma Tanner, has been gone for 35 years now!  It's true that my Dad is slowly cleaning out closets and getting rid of stuff to get their house organized, but he would never throw away things of value . . . but we can't convince her otherwise!  

Piano recital of one of my kids a few years ago!

Yesterday was my day to spend time with my Mom after missing a week during our spring break!  Because of the crazy wind and cooler temps, we were unable to go outside and do our usual walking adventure, so instead we went to lunch and then went back to their house where I gave her a manicure and pedicure.  What treasured memories these are for me!  I found myself getting emotional a few times throughout my time with her as I now believe she only thinks of me as the kind lady that comes to spend time with her.  She asked me over and over again about my family and where I live.  Sometimes I feel that she knows who I am, and I'll watch her nuzzle into my Dad on occasion like the old days, but for the most part, she is confused about all of us now.  She's still pleasant to be around and is her same, happy self . . . although I guess it's a completely different story in the evenings when she experiences "sundowning".  My Dad and sister said a few nights ago was the worst they've experienced with her thus far and my Dad is now trying to see if Mafi and her daughters can spend more time helping him each day.  He just can't keep doing this every night!  Instead of the usual 4-6 hours that I think they spend there each day helping out, I think he's going to see if they can add a handful of hours and possibly even help him at night! 

My Dad is a trooper and is determined to keep my Mom at home til the end!  I hope he can do it!  I was teasing my Dad yesterday about the expertise he has gained in the last few years!  He is now an expert hair dresser, fashionista who chooses out her clothes each day, a chef, babysitter of grandkids extraordinaire, and master organizer of closets and rooms etc.  He has become quite the domestic and we had a pretty good laugh about that! :)  At least I know he will be fine on his own one day!   
 

Yesterday after the manicure and before the pedicure!

I was talking to one of Mafi's daughters yesterday (Talipa?) as she was at their house cleaning and helping out with my Mom.  She says my Mom is different than many of the people they work with with this same disease at this stage.  Many just want to sit and watch tv and end up sleeping for much of the days, but not my Mom!  She has always been a woman on the go and continues to want to go go go . . and do do do!  As I left yesterday afternoon, and my Dad was leaving too to go to his correlation meeting, she asked, "What am I going to do while you are gone?  I've got to find something to do!"  She still continues to bring up the idea of wanting to go find herself a job!  Luckily, Talipa is so good with her and often accompanies her on hikes or walks or takes her on drives to get treats etc.  Again, I am so thankful for the many good people in the world!   

Mom's Journal . . .
A while back, when I was reading in my Mom's journal from 1978, I came across a quote of hers that has stuck with me . . . and I think you'll like it too.  On April 24th, 37 years ago, the journal entry goes like this: 
"Monday was a day spent cleaning, straightening, washing and visiting Grandma Storrs.  Mike Tanner (her brother) was mowing Grandma's lawn and we all ate lunch there.  It was wild and Grandma commented on how could I possibly handle the commotion and demands of lunch time every day?  Cammy and Katie (my younger sisters) were hollering out for chocolate milk and Michael (younger brother) was crying for his lunch, and was also cross because his first teeth are coming in.  
 Mary Ann Stewart (good friend Anne's little daughter) slammed her hand in the car door and I was the "first aid lady" to her.  

One of my Mom's "besties", Anne!

We spent family home evening that night at Grandma Margaret and Grandpa Bill's eating a turkey dinner in honor of Patricia's birthday (my aunt, Dad's sister!)

(And now this next little bit is the part that I really loved!) After coming home and working on my mutual lesson on temple marriage, I got a feeling of what a short period of time this earth life really is -- so many trials and tests.  If we only could keep this "temporary earth life" perspective always so that we might make the most of our time and appreciate life . . . curb our anger, offer love more freely etc.  I am grateful for my knowledge and testimony of the gospel!"  

Yes Mom, thanks for the reminder of how short this earth life really is!  And may we all make the most of our time here!  Love you Mom for your great example and love!