A quick update on my Mom . . . I know I'm not aware of even half of what goes on at my parent's house between my Dad and Mom and sister on a daily basis, but I do know that they are struggling! My Mom has been especially hard to deal with lately! Sometimes I don't even dare ask my Dad how things are going because I know that I will just get bad news! But I know that he needs to talk about it and so I try to call whenever I think about it. My Dad's usually positive though when I ask him how things are going.
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| My oldest son Jake and Mom, 1999 |
I often think how bad my Mom would feel, in her right mind, to know what she is putting my Dad and others through! She would feel just awful! Bless her heart . . . this crazy disease!
In a brief texting conversation with my Dad a few days ago, he mentioned that "things are going ok, but she is constantly rejecting my counsel." I guess my Mom's pretty cooperative when it comes to getting dressed and letting him do her hair, and eating and things like that, but it's mostly at night or at times when she's wanting "to go home" . . and he won't take her! I guess a few nights ago, she insisted on leaving and would not take no for an answer, so my Dad felt that he had no other choice but to let her go out. His only other choice is physically restraining her, and that would not be pretty! She ended up walking to a neighbor's house a block down the hill who neither of them even knew. Here are my Dad's words: "We had an ugly happening where she walked to a neighbor's house we didn't know after I counseled her strongly not to wander. She told these people I was mad at her and that she was afraid." After a few minutes of her being gone, my Dad drove around looking for her, when he found her a street away. He told her to get in the car and she refused to get in unless he took "her home". She did not want to go back to "that house." (their house) She stubbornly continued to walk down the street as my Dad just sat and watched her from the car. Keep in mind that it is dark and cold and night time when this is all happening. "When I rang their doorbell, they looked at me with considerable suspicion."
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| Niece Rachel's baptism, February 2015 |
My poor Dad . . honestly! I think little incidences like this are happening on a regular basis now.
I'm still seeing my Mom at least once a week for our weekly outings. Last week, because the weather was cold and wet, we went down to Foothill Village shopping center and looked around and got a treat at "Sweet Tooth Fairy". My Mom's sweet tooth is still alive and well and she loves her sweets! Mostly the weather has cooperated for us and we have managed to find a walk or hike to go on most weeks. She still is liking that except for she often thinks we are going the wrong way . . . and that makes it difficult sometimes.
I had an incident with my Mom about 3 weeks ago that upset me, which is a little unusual. You probably know by now that I'm a cry baby for sure, but I say unusual because I have surprised myself with how strong I have been able to be lately. So we walked down to Hogle Zoo where we walked around for an hour or so and looked at all the animals and got a little exercise. When it came time to go home, my Mom was convinced that I was not leading her home in the right direction. She kept pointing in the opposite direction and saying that she knew that was the way! What should have taken us about 15 minutes to get home, took us more like 45 minutes and I was a bit frazzled when we got home. She thought I was deceiving her and I couldn't convince her otherwise, which caused me to have a little breakdown to my Dad when we finally got there. Sadly, I'm pretty sure that's what my Dad goes through on a daily basis. "Welcome to my world!" he said. As hard as it was to see my Mom like that, I'm also grateful to get more of a taste of what my Dad is going through everyday . . . and my older sister too, who is often there!
My Dad made the remark last week, "If only her health was good?! There's so many things we could be doing!" I didn't have a response to that. It's so sad! I wonder if couples their age appreciate it when both are healthy? I hope they do! My Dad would give a right arm, I'm pretty sure, to have her healthy again and to go back to way things used to be! His memories are fading fast of the good old days, but I make it a point to remind him of the great life they have had together. I try to show him photos of those good old days! Maybe that's not making the situation any better . . . perhaps it makes him more sad??
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| Youngest brother Steve's wedding day 10+ years ago! |
Instead of including an old journal entry of my Mom's, which I would normally do right now, I wanted to talk about something that has been on my mind so much lately . . . the topic of tender mercies. I've thought so much about this topic in the last few months . . and even in the last few years. Tender mercies, or small, personal miracles, are happening on a daily basis, all around us . . . yet perhaps we don't recognize them as such! I've made a special effort lately to look for the tender mercies in my life and it seems to make such a difference in how I see life and the challenges we face. I am so grateful for tender mercies!
What exactly is the definition of a tender mercy, you may ask. According to David A.
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| Mom and I hiking on the east bench of Salt Lake City, Feb 2015 |
Perhaps we don't recognize the tender mercies in our lives because we think they are just coincidences that happen randomly? David Bednar goes on to say, "I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord’s timing of His tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them."
Tender mercies can come by way of an answer to a prayer, a peace and reassurance that everything will be ok, a friend who comes into our life or the lives of our kids that blesses us, a song that may touch us deeply, or an overwhelming feeling of the spirit in our lives. We may feel an extra confidence or faith. Tender mercies provide us with the help and support that we need, and usually just when we need it the most. He knows us better than anyone, and he knows what challenges we face in life, and he knows what we need in order to get through them.
When we receive and recognize the tender mercies in our life, it is a testimony to us that God really knows who we are, and what we stand in need of. It is a witness that he is personally involved "in the details of our lives" and wants to bless us so that we can be successful in returning home to him. I love this! (David A. Bednar, “The Tender Mercies of the Lord,” Ensign, May 2005, 99)
A few years ago my extended family witnessed and experienced a big tender mercy, and I think we all recognized it as such right away! My parents returned home from being mission president in the London South Mission in 2003, and in the years following that experience they were called on a medical mission of sorts, where every few months they would travel to some area of the world and my Dad, a retired Cardiologist, would teach neonatal resuscitation classes, while my Mom, a former nurse, would assist and keep up all the paper work. These trips usually lasted 10 days to a few weeks and this calling lasted for many years. At a certain point, probably around 5 years ago, my Mom was no longer able to keep up the paper work because of her disease, and so she just went with him as his companion, partner and wife. At about this time, which I believe was in 2012, my Mom and Dad were called on a 6-month medical mission to Samoa. They spent a few months preparing to go over to Samoa so that my Dad could teach the people in the hospitals
about Cardiology. Since he had been retired for about 10 years at this time, he had some brushing up to do. After literally hours and hours of studying up on the
latest, and reviewing and brushing up on everything in the field, he was feeling great and ready to go!
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| My cute parents . . sometime in the last 10 years! |
Just one week before they were to leave, my Dad started experiencing some pain in his
stomach. Right after eating a smoothie
for breakfast, he had what he thought was the beginning of a stomach bug of
some kind. He's a tough guy and didn’t think a whole lot
about it . . . and went on with his day of playing tennis and doing his normal
thing. He thought for sure that it would
eventually just go away, as most things do. Right after his tennis match that day with his buddies, the pain started to get worse, and continued to get progressively
worse as the night went on. After trying
to sleep for a few hours, he decided to drive himself up to the emergency room
at LDS Hospital, his old stomping grounds, to find out what was causing his
excruciating pain!
My Dad quickly learned that he had appendicitis and his
appendix would need to be removed. The
tests also showed gall stones and asked if my dad also wanted his gall bladder
removed at the same time . . . and he opted to do that as well. Unfortunately though, the test also showed something
that he was not expecting at all! The
doctors found a 2-inch tumor on his left kidney that they didn’t know at the
time if it was cancer or not. They’re
not able to biopsy a tumor like that because I guess they run the risk of
spreading it, so they had to make the decision of whether or not he should
have the entire kidney removed or leave it alone. My brothers (who are doctors and live in
other states) and my Dad’s doctor unanimously agreed to have the kidney
removed. So, in addition to having his appendix and gall bladder removed, the next day, in a 4-hour
surgery, my Dad had his left kidney completely removed, with the hope that all cancer would be removed with it! Long story short, we saw his appendicitis as a huge tender mercy. It's strange to think that something so bad and scary and painful like appendicitis could be considered such a blessing! I hate to think what would have happened if that appendicitis hadn't flared up and if that cancerous tumor had stayed in there during their 6 month mission. He would probably not be here today!
A side note: My crazy Dad was supposed to stay in the hospital for a few days to recover, but decided he wanted to check himself out and go home the very next morning. I don't think he was comfortable leaving my Mom there alone and he's stubborn that way anyway. :) A doctor does not like being a patient! And one other interesting side note: In case you're wondering, my parents postponed their trip to Samoa only for a few extra weeks while my Dad recovered. There was no stopping him from going! But sadly they only lasted a couple of months because my Mom was too bored and didn't have enough to do while my Dad taught the classes. She could only listen to so many audio books!
Bringing the topic of tender mercies back to today and my Mom and dealing with her awful disease, I am so grateful daily for the tender mercies in my life that I see everyday! I know that He is very aware of my circumstances and sends tender mercies my way regularly . . . and I'm so grateful for that! And I'm thankful for the sweet tender mercies that my Dad (and Mom) have experienced through all this! It's definitely been a challenge, but tender mercies make it all bearable!
I challenge you to look for the tender mercies in your life. They are not just coincidences and are all around us!
A side note: My crazy Dad was supposed to stay in the hospital for a few days to recover, but decided he wanted to check himself out and go home the very next morning. I don't think he was comfortable leaving my Mom there alone and he's stubborn that way anyway. :) A doctor does not like being a patient! And one other interesting side note: In case you're wondering, my parents postponed their trip to Samoa only for a few extra weeks while my Dad recovered. There was no stopping him from going! But sadly they only lasted a couple of months because my Mom was too bored and didn't have enough to do while my Dad taught the classes. She could only listen to so many audio books!
Bringing the topic of tender mercies back to today and my Mom and dealing with her awful disease, I am so grateful daily for the tender mercies in my life that I see everyday! I know that He is very aware of my circumstances and sends tender mercies my way regularly . . . and I'm so grateful for that! And I'm thankful for the sweet tender mercies that my Dad (and Mom) have experienced through all this! It's definitely been a challenge, but tender mercies make it all bearable!
I challenge you to look for the tender mercies in your life. They are not just coincidences and are all around us!
"We should not underestimate or overlook the power of the
Lord's
tender
mercies. The
simpleness, the sweetness, and the constancy of the
tender mercies
of the Lord will do much to fortify and protect us in the
troubled times
in which we do now and will yet live. When words
cannot provide the
solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is simply futile to
attempt to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot
yield adequate understanding about the injustices and
inequities of
life, when mortal
experience and evaluation are insufficient
to produce a
desired outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are so
totally alone,
truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and
made mighty
even unto the power of deliverance."
(1 Nephi 1:20 and Elder David
A. Bednar, "The Tender
Mercies of the Lord," Ensign, May 2005, 100)
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