"Please take me home!"

January 9, 2015

"I want to go home!" seems to be the main theme of the month with my Mom!  She keeps collecting her coat and a pile of blankets and clothes in her arms and telling my Dad she wants to go home . . and even when she IS home! What is this home she is talking about?  We're not exactly sure, but we believe it's her home that she lived in with her parents and brothers and sister fifty plus years ago!  

This disease is the most interesting disease!  Have I said that enough?  It's almost as if all of her current memories - her memories from the last 50 years - are slowly being erased . . . and she is now back in her twenties when she was looking for jobs and living amongst her grandparents and parents and siblings.  She's not remembering many of the people in her current life from the last 50 years, but talks about her parents and siblings as if it's 50 years ago! So strange!   

My older sister Paige and my Dad are the ones that see my Mom the very most.  They are with her daily.  And also Mafi and her daughters are there most days of the week to help keep her entertained and to help keep the house in order.  Both my sister and Dad tell me that my Mom seems to have taken a pretty big turn for the worse since Christmas.  "She is getting bad!" they say.  

Have you heard of the term, "sundowning"?  I think I've mentioned it before on this blog, but it is defined as "a psychological phenomenon associated with increased confusion and restlessness in patients with some form of dementia.  Most commonly associated with Alzheimer's disease, this term was coined due to the timing of the patient's confusion.  A multitude of behavioral problems begin to occur in the evening or while the sun is setting. Research shows that 20-45% of Alzheimer's patients will experience some sort of sundowning confusion." (From Wikipedia)

My Mom has been "sundowning" for quite some time now, but my Dad says that it is no longer occurring just at night, but now seems to be on and off all throughout the days too.  "I'm not sure what to do about it," he says. "She is getting so hard to handle sometimes . . . she is so confused . . and gets so angry and agitated . .  "  I think my Dad is going to look into getting some meds that might help her to settle down a bit. My fear is that she will get to the point of being too hard to handle at home and will have to go into a home at some point. I really hope and pray it doesn't get to that point because I remember conversations with my Mom when she would tell me that she knows what can go on at those care centers . . . I'm assuming she was talking about abuse of some kind . . and she doesn't want to go to there!  My Dad is in a hard spot too because he doesn't want to feel the guilt of abandoning her, but doesn't know how much longer he can do this every day!   

This is the time in the disease that I have been dreading the very most . . . when she is forgetting all her friends and family and when she is getting hard for my Dad and caregivers to handle.  I pray daily for tender mercies . . . for my Mom and for my Dad.  I hope that her wishes to "go home" are granted to her sooner than later!  That's what she desires . . I know it is!    

A "selfie" on my 46th birthday . . . January, 2015

Yesterday was my birthday and I drove in to go to lunch and spend some time with my parents and a few of my sisters.  After lunch, just my Mom and I went on a little walk down and around the park by their house.  It is so strange . . . in one sentence she will be talking about how worried she is that "Mike" (my Dad) is going to be leaving her and going back to his wife . . . "What would you do if you were in my position?" she asks me . . . and then in the next sentence she will tell me how glad she is when I come to spend time with her.  She said to me about three times, "I am so glad that you will come and do fun things with me!"  I knew when she said that, that she clearly knew who she was talking to! One minute she seems so with it and then the next minute she is clearly so confused! 

Yesterday, back at their house, one minute my Mom will be nuzzling up to my Dad with her nose in his cheek, and joking around with all of us, just like a wife and Mom would do, and then the next minute she is asking my Dad when he will take her home, as if he is a perfect stranger to her.  It's so crazy!  

I am so happy that I get to spend these precious moments with my Mom!  I will forever treasure them!  And I know the good times will continue even after this life.  I've mentioned before that my Mom and I have always joked that we are going to dance and sing together in the next life, and of course hike and bike together too!  We may joke about it, but I'm really seriously looking forward to that!  

The thought also occurred to me the other day that my Dad is not going to be around forever either and I can't forget to make just as much effort to spend time with him too!  I love them both to pieces! 

NO REGRETS is my motto!      

 
In my Mom's journal, I found the story of how my parents met and got together, and so I thought I would share the fun story here . . . as written by my Mom.  Interestingly, my story with my husband is pretty similar to theirs, as we also met and started dating our junior year in high school, and I also wrote him on his mission!  Here's the story . . .  

Mom and Dad in the early 60's!

     "During my Junior year at East High School, I took an American history class from Rose Santi.  She announced one day that she was going to take two people from each of her four classes to be on a special committee to write a group report on capital punishment.  She mentioned that we would need to meet together out of class since we were not all taking history the same period.
     The committee met one evening at the home of Carter Jones to discuss how we should proceed.  After a bit of discussion on the topic, we divided up the responsibilities.  I noticed one of our team members, Mike Preece, was on the phone trying to get a date for that weekend.  When the girl wasn't home, I teasingly said, 'Oh, don't worry, I'll go with you.'  We both laughed, but as I was leaving, he followed me out to my car and asked me if I would go to the movie, "Ben Hur" with him that Saturday night.  So that was our first date!

Cheerleading days at East High School in the late 50's!

     Mike and I always had a joking relationship, but sometimes it turned a bit sour. One night when I was asked by another boy to a dance, Mike found his car in the parking lot and hooked his blinker lights up to his headlights.  The results were blinking headlights all the way home.  The boy found out who played the joke and presented Mike with a bill to have the wiring on his headlights fixed.  (My Dad was a little mischievous fella! :)) 
     On another occasion when I was on another date, Mike talked my sister into helping him play another prank.  She left a note on the front door saying, 'Why don't you two come in and have a bowl of icecream?'  Then he and my sister were going to spy on us from the backyard.  Realizing that I was being set up, I hurried to the door and destroyed the note before my date could read it.  It's a wonder that I ever had a date! 

Wedding day, July 31st, 1964

     We continued to write while Mike was on his mission in the Northeast British Mission.  The summer after he arrived home, my Dad and Mom were called to preside over the Melbourne, Australia Mission.  At the time of the call, I was attending a sorority convention in Greenbrier, West Virginia.  While away, my father called Mike over to our home and told him that he had been called as a mission president, and would he marry me and live in their home?!!
     Mike agreed to the proposal from my Dad :), and then wrote me a telegram in West Virginia to see if I would marry him.  He had played so many jokes on me that I didn't answer either telegram. 
     When I flew home, he met me at the airport with a ring and asked me to marry him (for real!) We were married a month later, and my parents left the day after for Australia." 

I guess I have the American history teacher, Rose Santi, to thank for helping my parents get together . . . and the girl that turned my Dad down to go to "Ben Hur" that weekend long ago.  I love these stories!!