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| 50 Years of Marriage . . . on July 31st!! |
Summer
always seems to fly by! I always assume me and my kids are going to
have so much down time in the summer to go to the pool and have our lazy days,
but for some reason those down days are becoming less and less of the norm. My
life seems to be getting more and more complicated the older I get and the
older my kids get, although I always assumed the opposite would be true!
As kids in the home get older and start to move out, wouldn't you think that life would get
a little less chaotic? I guess not! I have four remaining kids at
home ranging in ages from 9-17, and keeping all their schedules straight, and
making sure they are all entertained can be a challenge sometimes!
Right
now I am fortunate to be enjoying two days of this "down time" I'm
talking about. Matt (my hub) has a speech he's doing here in Napa Valley,
California, and the company he's speaking for was nice enough to fly me here
too . . for a little getaway/work trip! I just so happen to be sitting
out by the pool right now on a breezy, 80 degree, heavenly day. I'm
feeling a bit spoiled right now!
It's
been a little while since I've updated this blog, so I thought this might be a
great chance to do so! Here is the latest update about my fabulous Mom and her Alzheimers disease . . .
Things
seem to be getting a little bit worse with each week that I see her.
Although she still seems to know who I am most of the time, I am watching her
slowly but surely forget all the details about her family and friends around
her. Most boggling to me is how she has forgotten who my Dad is most of
the time! I don't understand it. The person who wakes up next to
her, drives her places, helps her dress and pick out her clothes . . the one
who does her hair, takes her to get her haircut, and does virtually everything
for her is now mostly seen as "the guy who is staying with her" while
her husband is at meetings or playing tennis.
I
can only imagine the loneliness my Dad probably feels on a daily basis.
Fortunately he has us kids and neighbors and church friends that are here to
help and support him, but he's still got to feel frustration, sadness and
loneliness on a regular basis! And of course that makes me sad! I really
think he looks at this time in his life as a huge learning time. He knows the
big picture of this temporary earthly experience and knows darn well it's
"not the real life" . . . . . but a test . . a very hard test! But still! Even with that knowledge, it doesn't make it any easier! I'm left to wonder how
long he has to endure it all! You would think it would take as long as it
takes for us to learn the lessons we need to learn, but I'm feeling like it's
dragged on long enough . . for him anyway!
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Over the 4th of July weekend, a large handful of us extended family went up to my Mom's family cabin up above Oakley, Utah. My immediate family went, as well as my Mom and Dad and sister and her family . . . and lots of cousins and aunts and uncles. My Mom's normal routine would be to make the rounds to all of the various family members and find out what they are up to and how they are doing. That's just always what she's done. I didn't find her doing that this time, but instead she seemed confused as to who everyone was . . . even me on occasion, as she would pass me and give me a nice smile as if I was her niece she hadn't seen for a while, or something. We all had a good time though, getting caught up on each other's lives and bonding with the fam!
Last
week my Dad invited my hub Matt and I up to a little town in Utah called
Peoa. Their good friends invited them up to their cabin (or fancy,
amazing lodge) to see a music program with some high school students performing
some numbers from a recent Les Mis production they put on at their
school. It was amazing! I love stuff like that! It was fun to
go on a date with my parents! I watched my Mom in amazement as she
socialized with various people after the program. She is just as socially
gracious as ever, and continues to laugh and have a sense of humor like always,
but I've been wondering lately if she says things that may embarrass
my Dad in public? I'm thinking that it's probably happening more and more lately as her condition worsens. My Dad doesn't always stay with her during socializing, but let's her
usually roam around to different people as usual. It's probably easier to let her go and not know what is said between them. A few weeks ago when I went out to get sushi with the two of them, my Mom kept
telling our waitress that she looked like Mafi "a lady from home" . . . the gal that
helps clean their house and watch over my Mom at home. My Dad was not
comfortable with her repeating that at all, but the waitress kept saying,
"it's ok" as if she knew what my Mom's situation was. Some people are very intuitive!
We
ended up leaving the social gathering early that night . . . my Dad said it was because he didn't
want to drive too late and in the dark, which I totally believe, but I also
think it's because he's not so comfortable lately in social situations
like that with my Mom! Oh, my Mom, in her right mind, would feel so bad if she only
knew! She loves social gatherings like that and would have stayed all
night if allowed. She must have said two or three times as we drove home that night
that it was "so fun to see people that I haven't seen in ages!"
My Mom and I are a lot alike that way . . . liking to chat with people and be
social. Our husbands on the other hand . . . . .
I
noticed my patience level that night in the car, to and from Peoa, not being
where it should be and where it usually is with my Mom. As we chatted
back and forth, I found that my Mom kept interrupting the conversations with
questions about what we were talking about, and then repeating back what she
thought we said, which was usually quite far from what was actually said.
To patiently respond to that every time is difficult and I felt bad for my lack of patience! My Dad experiences that on a daily and hourly basis and I think he's a saint for
doing so! Way to go Dad! You can do this! We can do this! Let's continue to be
patient with this woman that we love so dearly! Let us not forget the
amazing and beautiful life she has lived, the joy she has brought into our
lives and the valuable lessons we have learned from her!
Right now my parents are in Palm Springs with a
handful of old high school friends. I’m glad they’re keeping busy and
still able to go fun places like that. I hope it’s not too difficult on
my Dad to keep things in line for her. I wonder if he gets embarrassed at
her lack of short term memory? (That's all I wrote that
day. My journal from the past is dwindling down and I only have a few
more entries!)
A
few months ago I figured out that my parents will be celebrating their 50th
wedding anniversary at the end of this month! 50 years! Can you
believe it? Not surprisingly, a lot of my friends and acquaintances
parents are also celebrating the same occasion . . . and I have noticed lately
(on Facebook and Instagram) how many people are celebrating this big milestone by taking their whole families
on a big cruise! No, that will not be happening with us! In fact, I
can tell my Dad doesn't really even want to celebrate . . and if he does, he
wants to in a very small way! That's just him . . . and under the
circumstances and all! We were thinking that all of us kids could take them to
a really nice dinner, but then realized that half my siblings will not be in
town at the end of the month! Now I'm thinking that I may ask a handful of my parent's friends
and family members to write a brief email about the difference my parent's have
made in their lives, or a fun memory or two, or just whatever . . that I can
compile into a book for them! Doesn't that sound good? And then it
can be memorable and special without the awkwardness of my Mom not remembering
what they are celebrating. Maybe we'll still go to dinner
though. I just want them to celebrate their big day somehow,
sometime!!
I
guess last week my Mom got lost while taking a walk with my Dad. He walks
quite a bit faster than her and got ahead of her as he was listening to a
book with his i-pod and headphones. When he turned around to find her, she was nowhere to be
found! He looked everywhere and did not know which way she had gone . . so he went home, hoping she would make her way there. Knowing she was lost, my Mom finally asked a stranger (man) if
she could use his phone. She called their house (and thankfully
remembered the number!!!) and my Dad or Mafi went to get her! Phew! All these
close calls of getting lost are a little unsettling!
I
called my Mom the day before we left to fly out here to California. I was
actually returning my Dad's call, but got my Mom on the phone instead. My Dad was gone
and my Mom was home with Mafi. "What are you up to today, Mom?"
I asked her.
"I'm
just complaining to my babysitter about how I don't have any freedom
left! My freedom is completely gone!" This surprised me.
My Mom has never referred to Mafi as her "babysitter", but rather the
"nice gal that helps them clean and organize their house." She
was wanting to go on a bike ride, or a walk, or just something, and Mafi was
not comfortable with letting her do any of that by herself . . . and my Mom was
feeling trapped and frustrated . . . understandably so! Thank goodness
this Mafi, and her daughters, are about as nice as they come, and want to do
everything they can to make my Mom happy! What a blessing to have them
there! It's so sad that my Mom now refers to them as being her
babysitters, but I'm so happy at the same time, and feeling blessed to have
them in her life! I think Mafi ended up driving her up to the cemetery
that day . . . because that's where my Mom wanted to go. . . to see the grave
sites of her parents and grandparents!
My parents are headed
up to Yellowstone with my two brothers and their families this weekend.
I'm happy for them that they can get away. I hope it goes smoothly!
My Dad was a little nervous and told me that he hopes he doesn't end up having
to come home early because of my Mom. Let's keep our fingers crossed that all
goes well and that she doesn't get too confused about where they are and who they will be with! I
hope they have a great old time!
Flashing back to a little over 4
years ago . . .
March
1, 2010
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