The big 50th wedding Anniversary this month!

50 Years of Marriage . . . on July 31st!!

July 17, 2014

Summer always seems to fly by!  I always assume me and my kids are going to have so much down time in the summer to go to the pool and have our lazy days, but for some reason those down days are becoming less and less of the norm.  My life seems to be getting more and more complicated the older I get and the older my kids get, although I always assumed the opposite would be true!  As kids in the home get older and start to move out, wouldn't you think that life would get a little less chaotic?  I guess not!  I have four remaining kids at home ranging in ages from 9-17, and keeping all their schedules straight, and making sure they are all entertained can be a challenge sometimes!  

Right now I am fortunate to be enjoying two days of this "down time" I'm talking about.  Matt (my hub) has a speech he's doing here in Napa Valley, California, and the company he's speaking for was nice enough to fly me here too . . for a little getaway/work trip!  I just so happen to be sitting out by the pool right now on a breezy, 80 degree, heavenly day.  I'm feeling a bit spoiled right now!  

It's been a little while since I've updated this blog, so I thought this might be a great chance to do so!  Here is the latest update about my fabulous Mom and her Alzheimers disease . . .  

Things seem to be getting a little bit worse with each week that I see her.  Although she still seems to know who I am most of the time, I am watching her slowly but surely forget all the details about her family and friends around her.  Most boggling to me is how she has forgotten who my Dad is most of the time!  I don't understand it.  The person who wakes up next to her, drives her places, helps her dress and pick out her clothes . . the one who does her hair, takes her to get her haircut, and does virtually everything for her is now mostly seen as "the guy who is staying with her" while her husband is at meetings or playing tennis.  

I can only imagine the loneliness my Dad probably feels on a daily basis.  Fortunately he has us kids and neighbors and church friends that are here to help and support him, but he's still got to feel frustration, sadness and loneliness on a regular basis! And of course that makes me sad!  I really think he looks at this time in his life as a huge learning time.  He knows the big picture of this temporary earthly experience and knows darn well it's "not the real life" . . . . . but a test . . a very hard test!  But still!  Even with that knowledge, it doesn't make it any easier!  I'm left to wonder how long he has to endure it all!  You would think it would take as long as it takes for us to learn the lessons we need to learn, but I'm feeling like it's dragged on long enough . . for him anyway!

At the cabin . . . "10th Annual, but 1st Actual" family triathlon!

Over the 4th of July weekend, a large handful of us extended family went up to my Mom's family cabin up above Oakley, Utah.  My immediate family went, as well as my Mom and Dad and sister and her family . . . and lots of cousins and aunts and uncles.  My Mom's normal routine would be to make the rounds to all of the various family members and find out what they are up to and how they are doing.  That's just always what she's done.  I didn't find her doing that this time, but instead she seemed confused as to who everyone was . . . even me on occasion, as she would pass me and give me a nice smile as if I was her niece she hadn't seen for a while, or something.  We all had a good time though, getting caught up on each other's lives and bonding with the fam!   

Last week my Dad invited my hub Matt and I up to a little town in Utah called Peoa.  Their good friends invited them up to their cabin (or fancy, amazing lodge) to see a music program with some high school students performing some numbers from a recent Les Mis production they put on at their school.  It was amazing!  I love stuff like that!  It was fun to go on a date with my parents!  I watched my Mom in amazement as she socialized with various people after the program.  She is just as socially gracious as ever, and continues to laugh and have a sense of humor like always, but I've been wondering lately if she says things that may embarrass my Dad in public?  I'm thinking that it's probably happening more and more lately as her condition worsens.  My Dad doesn't always stay with her during socializing, but let's her usually roam around to different people as usual.  It's probably easier to let her go and not know what is said between them.  A few weeks ago when I went out to get sushi with the two of them, my Mom kept telling our waitress that she looked like Mafi "a lady from home" . . . the gal that helps clean their house and watch over my Mom at home. My Dad was not comfortable with her repeating that at all, but the waitress kept saying, "it's ok" as if she knew what my Mom's situation was.  Some people are very intuitive! 

We ended up leaving the social gathering early that night . . . my Dad said it was because he didn't want to drive too late and in the dark, which I totally believe, but I also think it's because he's not so comfortable lately in social situations like that with my Mom!  Oh, my Mom, in her right mind, would feel so bad if she only knew!  She loves social gatherings like that and would have stayed all night if allowed.  She must have said two or three times as we drove home that night that it was "so fun to see people that I haven't seen in ages!"  My Mom and I are a lot alike that way . . . liking to chat with people and be social.  Our husbands on the other hand . . . . . 

I noticed my patience level that night in the car, to and from Peoa, not being where it should be and where it usually is with my Mom.  As we chatted back and forth, I found that my Mom kept interrupting the conversations with questions about what we were talking about, and then repeating back what she thought we said, which was usually quite far from what was actually said.  To patiently respond to that every time is difficult and I felt bad for my lack of patience!  My Dad experiences that on a daily and hourly basis and I think he's a saint for doing so!  Way to go Dad!  You can do this!  We can do this!  Let's continue to be patient with this woman that we love so dearly!  Let us not forget the amazing and beautiful life she has lived, the joy she has brought into our lives and the valuable lessons we have learned from her!

A few months ago I figured out that my parents will be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary at the end of this month!  50 years!  Can you believe it?  Not surprisingly, a lot of my friends and acquaintances parents are also celebrating the same occasion . . . and I have noticed lately (on Facebook and Instagram) how many people are celebrating this big milestone by taking their whole families on a big cruise!  No, that will not be happening with us!  In fact, I can tell my Dad doesn't really even want to celebrate . . and if he does, he wants to in a very small way!  That's just him . . . and under the circumstances and all!  We were thinking that all of us kids could take them to a really nice dinner, but then realized that half my siblings will not be in town at the end of the month!  Now I'm thinking that I may ask a handful of my parent's friends and family members to write a brief email about the difference my parent's have made in their lives, or a fun memory or two, or just whatever . . that I can compile into a book for them!  Doesn't that sound good?  And then it can be memorable and special without the awkwardness of my Mom not remembering what they are celebrating.  Maybe we'll still go to dinner though.  I just want them to celebrate their big day somehow, sometime!!  

I guess last week my Mom got lost while taking a walk with my Dad.  He walks quite a bit faster than her and got ahead of her as he was listening to a book with his i-pod and headphones.  When he turned around to find her, she was nowhere to be found!  He looked everywhere and did not know which way she had gone . . so he went home, hoping she would make her way there.  Knowing she was lost, my Mom finally asked a stranger (man) if she could use his phone.  She called their house (and thankfully remembered the number!!!) and my Dad or Mafi went to get her!  Phew!  All these close calls of getting lost are a little unsettling!  

I called my Mom the day before we left to fly out here to California.  I was actually returning my Dad's call, but got my Mom on the phone instead.  My Dad was gone and my Mom was home with Mafi.  "What are you up to today, Mom?" I asked her. 

"I'm just complaining to my babysitter about how I don't have any freedom left!  My freedom is completely gone!"  This surprised me.  My Mom has never referred to Mafi as her "babysitter", but rather the "nice gal that helps them clean and organize their house."  She was wanting to go on a bike ride, or a walk, or just something, and Mafi was not comfortable with letting her do any of that by herself . . . and my Mom was feeling trapped and frustrated . . . understandably so!  Thank goodness this Mafi, and her daughters, are about as nice as they come, and want to do everything they can to make my Mom happy!  What a blessing to have them there!  It's so sad that my Mom now refers to them as being her babysitters, but I'm so happy at the same time, and feeling blessed to have them in her life!  I think Mafi ended up driving her up to the cemetery that day . . . because that's where my Mom wanted to go. . . to see the grave sites of her parents and grandparents! 

My parents are headed up to Yellowstone with my two brothers and their families this weekend.  I'm happy for them that they can get away.  I hope it goes smoothly!  My Dad was a little nervous and told me that he hopes he doesn't end up having to come home early because of my Mom. Let's keep our fingers crossed that all goes well and that she doesn't get too confused about where they are and who they will be with!  I hope they have a great old time! 

Flashing back to a little over 4 years ago . . . 

March 1, 2010

    Right now my parents are in Palm Springs with a handful of old high school friends.  I’m glad they’re keeping busy and still able to go fun places like that.  I hope it’s not too difficult on my Dad to keep things in line for her.  I wonder if he gets embarrassed at her lack of short term memory?  (That's all I wrote that day.  My journal from the past is dwindling down and I only have a few more entries!) 

"The gully was a paradise for us kids!"

June 29, 2014

I picked up my Mom a few days ago from her house to go on a little outing.  We ended up going to visit my older sister for a few minutes who lives just up the street from my parents, and then we went down to a nearby shopping place where we picked out a treat from the Sweet Tooth Fairy . . . yum!  My Mom still definitely loves her sweets and so do I!  And we looked around a little in a few shops, which was my Mom's idea.  My Mom's love for shopping is still alive and well! :)

Mom, Dad, brother and sis-in-law, at nephew's baby blessing, June 29, 2014

We left my car in the parking lot there and proceeded to go on a little walk for probably a few miles round trip, in a neighborhood where we (my Mom, Dad and older sister) lived from the time I was about 3 years old to 7 years old.  And I think my two younger sisters even lived there for a short time when they were just new babies.  Wow, it's amazing how much I remembered about the old neighborhood from way back then!  I was surprised to find that I could name a handful of the families that lived on my street . . at such a young age!

We took a walk down memory lane, passing the house that we lived in and finding that it had been knocked down and a brand new house built in its place.  It's a beautiful home there at 1944 Yale Avenue in Salt Lake City!  As far as I could tell, my Mom had very little memories of this home and neighborhood.  As I was naming all the families that I could recall, and reminiscing how I remember our lemonade stands, walks to church and riding bikes down that street, I'm not sure she remembered.

The house that was foremost in her mind was her house that SHE grew up in years and years ago, and ironically that house is just about 5 blocks west of this home, on the very same street, Yale Avenue.  Unfortunately we didn't have time to go walk down the five blocks to that house, and it was beginning to sprinkle rain on us, but that's where she grew up and where my grandparents lived until the time they died.  That's where the "gully" runs behind the house that she talks about all the time lately.  That's where my Mom has so many memories from her early childhood . . . even still!  As we walked along the streets that afternoon, in the sprinkling rain,  my Mom talked of her friends that she played with and about her adventures in the gully as a young girl!

Sisters and nephew Johnny, June 29, 2014

At one point, my Mom said, "let's go home and see if 'Dick the Doc' is there."  I wasn't sure that I heard her correctly . . . was she talking about her Dad and my Grandpa Richard ("Dick") who died about 50 years ago, before I was even born? 

"Who is Dick the Doc?" I asked her.

"Since my brother is Rick and my Dad was Dick, people sometimes got them mixed up, and so we call my Dad, "Dick the Doc."  She laughed as she reminisced and talked about her Dad.  I'm not sure if she was thinking he was still alive or if she was talking about him in the past.  I love to imagine that reunion between her and her parents one day!  I think she really looks forward to that great day!

My Mom seemed extra confused yesterday about simple things.  She picked up a bottle of syrup on her kitchen counter and could not figure out what it was or where it belonged . . . and as she went to get into the front seat of my Suburban, she asked me if that's really where I wanted her to sit, and then said that she felt like she was in a baby seat, or a car seat as she sat there in the seat she has been in many times. She seemed to go in and out of knowing who I was and then not being sure who I was . . . and knowing who my Dad is . . . . and not . . so strange! 

Memory book memory:  I asked my Mom a few years ago what her favorite thing was about her home she grew up in on Yale Avenue.  She said, "The gully!  We had a fish pond with fish in it, we played in the river, waded in the river, played hide-n-seek, and walked the many trails all around down there that led to other people's houses . . . it was a paradise for us kids!"  I bet it was! My Mom and Dad lived in that house when they were very first married, while my Mom's parents were on a mission in Australia, but then had to move out when my grandparents came home early . . . because of Grandpa's sickness! 

Their newest grandchild, Johnny!

I was surprised to find out that my Mom rode her bike all the way up Emigration Canyon this past week . . . by herself and without her helmet!  I think she forgot the helmet, which might be a first!  It's a ride she has taken many many times by herself and with others, but I don't think she's done it on her own for a while!  As far as I know, it went ok for her and she must have found her way home alright, but that really makes me nervous!  I don't think she should be doing that anymore!  


Flashing back to a little over 4 years ago . . .


February 22, 2010

Random Experiences and Quotes by Mom in 2009:
   
I drove in to go to lunch with my Mom with the hopes of being able to somehow help her clean out the bathroom drawers in their master bathroom. My Mom has always been the one that has kept those drawers clean and organized, and right now they are an unorganized MESS . . . with her make-up, jewelry, combs, bobby pins, etc. all mixed up!  I found it to be a little too awkward and thought it may offend my Mom by making the offer to help her clean them, so I decided I’m going to do it one of these days while they’re out of town.  Will she notice?  I don't know!  

Me and my Mom's side of the family in about 1972!
I am the one with a striped shirt and piggy tails!
My Mom was probably taking the photo! 

“I hope no one else gets this disease!  It is not fun!”  My Mom said this one day, on a day that I wasn't being very strong.  Sometimes I find myself so strong, and others not so much!  I could not control my emotions that day and broke down right in front of her.  “Did I make you cry?  I’m so sorry!” she said.  We then had a discussion about the fact that her Dad might have had the same disease – early onset Alzheimer’s disease.  She agreed and thinks he probably did, although he was never diagnosed as having that.  I always heard that he had Picks Disease, but it’s not clear to me.  Maybe we were told that so that all of us who have a 50% chance of getting the disease will not spend our lives worrying.  I definitely think about my chances of getting it one day . . . but luckily not too much!   


One day we went and had lunch together at the Red Butte Café in Foothill Village, and had a great time.  She had a hard time remembering names of people and names of familiar restaurants, but then most of them came to her later as we drove home in the car.  At lunch that day is when I started filling out my book of memories of my Mom, a book that was given to me by a good friend.  I hope to get the whole book filled out one day!  I asked her questions about her early childhood and I think she loved talking about those good old days! 

“I think my tennis days might be almost over . . .", my Mom said to me one day recently. "I’m really not playing well . . . my friends don’t really ask me to play in my regular group anymore, but I’m just a substitute in a group of older ladies."  Older or not, I'm so grateful for those ladies who still include her!

I’m so thankful for the friends that have stuck by my Mom and have not been afraid to face the disease and have continued to be a good friend to her.  (Virginia Stevens, Susan Cottrell and I’m sure there’s many many others I don’t know or hear about.)  I think what’s possibly happened to some of her closest friends is that they are busy and don’t understand the disease enough tor realize how very aware she is, that she still has feelings of being left out.  I think they think her mind is already pretty much gone!

“Don’t forget I think you’re a great daughter!”  My Mom said this to me one day, and as you can imagine, I don't ever want to forget it!  And right back at her I told her that I don’t want her to forget that she has been the best Mom ever!

My Mom can’t wait to get out on her bike any chance she gets!  That’s her therapy!  I don't know what she'd do without that! 

I've noticed lately that my Mom isn't wearing her usual make-up.  Lipstick is about it lately. Maybe I'll have to teach my Dad how to do the make-up.  He's learning to do everything else! 

My Mom keeps telling me that she either needs to lose a little weight or buy some bigger pants.  She had to unbutton her pants even before we started eating lunch one day. My Mom has always been a small lady and I'm pretty darn sure has never had a weight problem, but I think she may have put on 5 or so extra pounds that she's not used to.  She loves her sweets and probably forgets when she has already had some. A few extra pounds is not going to hurt anyone . . . especially if you're able to enjoy your life!  I'd say let her eat and do what makes her happy!

Here are a few of my Mom's favorite things that she talks about a lot, and I don’t want to forget:  teaching high school nursing careers class, oatmeal raisin cookies, playing tennis, riding her bike, singing and dancing! My Mom and I look forward to singing and dancing in heaven together one day! :)  We always joke about that!

I don’t know exactly what I’m supposed to be learning through all of this, but I’m betting it’s because perhaps there will be a day that I will have to deal with more loved ones with  similar issues. Maybe . . . but hopefully not!