The Immediate Goodness of God!

June, 2021

It's amazing how quickly time seems to pass by. We hit the 5 year anniversary of my Mom's passing this past January 18th.  Five and a half years!  I remember so well that night I first heard the news as I sat almost paralyzed on my family room couch and didn't move for a couple of hours! I had a similar experience a few weeks ago where I received a call from a friend that told me that our other friend's 26 year old son had just passed away in a tragic small plane crash near Ogden, Utah.  I felt the same numbness and went out in my back yard and just sat for at least an hour.  

Can't believe it has already been years since I last wrote on this blog. I still think of her often, and I'm sure I always will!  Certain experiences in my life bring up memories of her and yes, the tears still come at times . . . not too often but they still come! I'm convinced they will continue to come throughout my lifetime.  I recently had all our home videos turned digital so that we can store them for life and just a few days ago I watched a video of a birthday party for one of my kids where my grandparents and Mom and Dad attended.  My Mom was in her prime and so beautiful and funny and personable.  I was surprised at my response as I had to turn away and compose my emotions.  Yes we miss her and always will!  

I love the little reminders of my Mom throughout my journey in this life!  I hope these reminders keep coming!

When my Mom died we put together a slideshow of many photos of my Mom, and the music we chose to be the background music was by a group called "Sleeping At Last".  I hear this music on a fairly regular basis, and although it brings up some sadness, I've learned to embrace the emotion and just love the memories it brings up.  

I have many more times when I have been reminded of my Mom and I will include more of them in my next blog entry.  


Here I want to include a talk I gave in church a few years ago about my Mom on May 12, 2019.  Matt and I were asked to speak in our Sacrament Meeting in church and told we could talk on whatever talk we wanted from the previous General Conference . . . this is the one I chose!  

Mother’s Day talk

“The Immediate Goodness of God” by Elder Kyle S. McKay

We are the Townsends, Mardi and Matt.  Our family has lived in our house and in this ward
for almost 14 years so most of you probably know us.  We moved in when our oldest Sarah
was 12 and our youngest Josh was 8 months old, with our other 4 boys in between . . . a lot
has happened since then.  Just a few little funny tidbits about Matt and I that you may not
know . . . Met in high school in the front hall of our school, Highland High . . . later found out
we went to preschool together - saw me wet my pants . . . front hall - he’s so goofy

Fast forward a few years . . .  we went on one of our first dates on a priest quorum 4
wheeling activity. Never a dull moment with him. :) 

As many of you know, Britton, our number 4 child, is on his mission in Osorno Chile and
has been gone about 9 months.  Knowing that missionaries look so forward to General
Conference, I asked him what his favorite talks were from this last conference . . he
mentioned 2 of them and challenged us to go reread or re-listen to them.  I did. One of
them was Elder Holland’s talk and the other one was one that I have chosen to talk about
today . . . “The Immediate Goodness of God” by Elder Kyle S. McKay. I think I discovered
why it was one of his favorites. You may remember that it talks about how this life is tough,
just like a mission is tough, and oftentimes we are waiting for a trial to pass or blessings to
come, but God’s timing is different than ours and it sometimes takes longer than we want.
This talk emphasizes that there are many blessings that come to us immediately even in the

midst of our trials . . . . whether it’s on our missions or in our everyday lives.    

I get to talk about 2 of my very favorite things today . . Being Mother’s Day, I wanted to talk
about my Mom and her goodness and Jesus Christ and his immediate goodness that we
can feel right now . . two things that make me the happiest and often bring the tears. I’m
hoping to keep the tears away!

When I was younger I always had a fear of losing my parents . . as probably many kids do.  
My parents travelled a lot with my Dad’s work and also just for fun! I had an uncle, my Dad’s
brother, who died in a plane accident when I was in elementary school so my child brain
worried a lot and I remember lots of tears leading up to my parent’s departure.  I believed
that I would not be able to live in this life without them . . especially my Mom since we were
very close. So I would pray often for their safety.

From the years 2000-2003 my parents were serving as mission presidents of the London

South Mission. My Mom flew home for my youngest brother’s wedding and we all noticed

something was different about her. She was repeating herself more than usual and she seemed

a little distant and different from her usual self.  We all tried to convince ourselves and each other

that it must just be the stress of being a mission Mom. After all, she WAS constantly having to

prepare meals, change sheets, entertain visitors, go to meetings and there was hardly ever a time for her to just

sit and relax . . but somehow I just knew it was much more than stress. We had recently dealt with

my grandma on my Dad’s side that had dementia of some form and I had a feeling that this was

just the beginning . . the beginning of a very long disease. I remember hearing that people could

live for 10 years or more with such a disease and I believed there was simply no way that I could

handle watching my Mother, one of the people I loved most in the world, deteriorate from a disease

such as Alzheimers. I am so happy to tell you, as I stand before you today, I did survive 14 years

of the disease with my Mom. I cried thousands of tears in private and many not in private as

this disease progressed and felt that it was the hardest trial I could be experiencing in my life.  I

am happy to be on the other side and I feel that I am a better person because of it. There’s no

doubt that I had help and that I experienced that “immediate goodness” over and over again!

My Mom did get to finish out their 3 year mission as the disease was very slow moving at
first.  I remember praying that this disease would not be dragged on for years and years as
I heard it could. I remember counting forward 10 years ahead to 2012 and thinking, “Wow,
I sure hope it doesn’t drag out that long!”  As Elder McKay said, “The Lord’s timing is different
from ours. Patience is the key. Without it, we can neither develop nor demonstrate faith in
God until life and salvation.” One of the reasons I love this talk so much is because it’s such
a great reminder that even while we are patiently waiting upon the Lord to answer our prayers
or to have a trial pass and end, certain blessings will come to us immediately, often right in the
middle of our biggest trials.

Elder McKay said, “The immediate goodness of God comes to all who call upon Him with real
intent and full purpose of heart. This includes those that cry out in earnest desperation when
deliverance seems so distant and suffering seems prolonged and maybe even intensified.”  
For me, deliverance for my Mom and for all of us did seem so distant at times. But when I
look back at my whole experience now, I now know how I made it through . . . who helped
me through.

What is this immediate goodness of God that I experienced as I went through what I believe
to be one of the hardest things that I have had to go through thus far in my life?  What is this
goodness that Britton can experience as he has dark, lonely and difficult days in the mission
field? What is that goodness that we can all experience as we go through the many trials of
our life?  

The Lord strengthens us, eases our burdens, pronounces peace upon us, gives us hope
and provides us with his never ending LOVE.  Sometimes it’s through other people that the
Lord strengthens us and eases our burdens. It might be through a blessing or while you are
praying that we feel this peace, hope or this love.

I was determined to have no regrets when it came to this situation with my Mom. I wanted
to help her and my Dad as much as I could.  My goal was to try and spend a few hours a
week with my Mom . . we went on field trips of all kinds . . . hikes, shopping trips, walks,
trips to the zoo . . . right up until about 3 months before she passed. Even when she went
into a care facility home, I continued to visit her weekly and then daily as we could see that
her condition was going downhill.  

Sometimes it took all the strength and courage I could muster to get myself to go visit her . . .
and especially at the care center.  It was agonizing for me to see her in such a condition but
then so good and uplifting at the same time. Elder McKay describes this sort of situation well
as he told the story about the woman, Alicia, that had just been told that her son had just been
killed in a snowmobiling accident and her husband was seriously injured.  As her bishop gave
her a blessing, he said that Alicia was filled with indescribable peace, love, comfort, and
somehow joy. Here Alicia had just found out that one family member was gone and the other
seriously injured, yet she felt joy and peace? How could that be? I remember many a time
feeling the same way as I sat with my Mom or as I drove away from a visit with her . . .
such a peace!  The tears still came though.

Elder McKay also mentioned a woman named Emilie in his talk who struggled with substance

abuse for so many years.  In a very low moment in Emilie’s life, as she had been taken away

from her family and put into an inpatient facility, she prayed desperately for God to save her.  

Elder McKay said, “Jesus stretched forth His hand and caught her sinking soul, and there came

over her a ‘wondrous calm, courage, assurance and love’ that everything was going to be ok.”  

Her healing and ultimate deliverance took months and months of treatment and counseling during

which time she was carried and sustained by his goodness. She ended up being sealed forever in

the temple to her husband and children.  I remember feeling the same calm and assurance that

everything was going to be ok. It was not going to be easy but everything was going to be alright.

I kept a blog to record the many experiences I had with my Mom and her disease over the
years.  I wanted a place to keep all the great memories of my Mom and to record the many
experiences I had with her in hopes that maybe it would help others in my same situation.  
I saw it as a safe place to express everything I was feeling. It was safer to cry to my computer
than to other people. On this blog I would often express this peace and calm assurance that
I had.   Here is just a sample of what I wrote about 5 weeks before my Mom passed away and
my Dad and I were visiting her in the care facility a few weeks before Christmas:

Instead of finding my Mom eating lunch as I expected, I found her laying on the couch

near the tables where everyone was eating.  This is what I said . . .

I really wanted to stay strong and keep my emotions under control that day . . . but didn't do
a very good job at all! As my Dad went down the hall to talk to some hospice people, who are
starting this week to come on a regular basis, I sat for about an hour next to my Mom and cried
and struggled to talk to her. I promised her long ago that I would be there for her in the end
and would rub her scalp and back like she has always loved. She wasn't too responsive to the
head rub and back scratch, but I did it anyway and hope she felt it and somehow knew it was
me.  

As I rubbed her bony back, I talked in her ear for a while before she said anything, and even
before I was sure if she was hearing me. The first thing she said back to me was, "I love you too,"
after I told her I loved her. "All of us love you, and don't forget it!" I said to her. I really felt as if
I was talking to her on her death bed. There was something very peaceful about it though, it's
hard to explain. I was so grateful to be there having that experience with her, yet it was one of
the harder things I've done.  

I then went on to say . . ,

There are a few reasons why I think I'm surviving all this . . . #1 The love and support from you
family and friends has been amazing! #2 I have had my sorrows balanced out with the joy of a
new little grandbabe in our family and being a new grandma and that has helped a lot, and #3
Of course I would not make it through all this without my knowledge of the plan of happiness
and knowing that we can all be with our loved ones forever! Especially at this time of year, I am
grateful for Jesus Christ whose birth we celebrate and who has made this all possible!

 

In the Christmas devotional last Sunday night, Sister Burton said, "There is joy in knowing the
plan of happiness and in our knowledge that we will see our loved ones again . . . there is peace
and joy and hope that comes from this knowledge." (paraphrased) As we celebrate this
Christmas season and the birth of Jesus, I could not be more thankful for Him. That's what
keeps me going in this crazy and challenging world we live in! I know that I will see my Mom
again when her mind is healthy . . . and I can't wait for that day!

  

I want to add my testimony to Elder McKay’s when he said, “I bear witness that Jesus
Christ is the Great Deliverer, and in His name, I promise that as you turn to Him with real
intent and full purpose of heart, He will deliver you from everything that threatens to
diminish or destroy your life or joy. That deliverance may take longer than you would
like—perhaps a lifetime or longer.  So, to give you comfort, courage, and hope, to
sustain and strengthen you, I commend to you and testify of the immediate goodness
of God.”

I’m so grateful for the calm, peace, strength, love, assurance and hope that we can
feel now, immediately, even in the very midst of our trials.  I am grateful for the hope
that we can see our loved ones again someday and the hope that we can live with him
again. I am grateful for my Mom and her wonderful example of service and selflessness
and love.  I am grateful for the Savior and that he helps us through any trials and
challenges that come our way. We are not alone and I know we can make it through
even the hardest of trials because of Him and his immediate goodness, and I say these
things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.