6 months out . . . if only we were allowed a brief visit!

July 16, 2016

This may sound a bit strange . . but I find myself talking to my Mom in my mind on occasion . . . It's usually when I'm alone by myself going about my day, or out taking a walk by myself. I like to believe she can hear and understand me. "How's it goin' Mom? What are you doing up there? What's it like? Is it true that the colors are amazing? Are you happy? Who are you spending your time with? Are you able to hike and bike like you love? I like to think, and often say, that you are up there hiking the heavenly hills and riding the heavenly trails! Please say hi to Grandma and Grandpa Tanner for me, and Grams and Gramps Preece, Gram Storrs, Grandma Cora, Uncle Rick, Aunt Betty, Uncle Bill . . . and everybody . . I sure miss you!" 

Great Aunt Betty and Mom's sister and sis-in-laws!

There's no doubt in my mind Mom is 
having a great old time up there, or just wherever heaven might be. Lucky girl!  I just keep having the thought of how lucky my Mom is that she made it!  She made it through this challenging earth life, and she seemingly did it so well and so gracefully! We're all left to wonder how our loved ones will eventually die, and how we, ourselves will eventually leave this life. I no longer have to worry about the idea of how my Mom will pass on. It was definitely a worry of mine. My desire was that she would die peacefully, gracefully, quickly and cleanly, and that's exactly how it happened. My prayers were answered and I am grateful for that!

Mom's family in the 60's?!

I was talking to my Dad on the phone the other day and he said, "Wouldn't it be so great to be able to spend a few hours with Mom, with her healthy mind? I wouldn't want the time to end though . . and wouldn't want her to leave. I would want to go with her!" Imagining such an occasion brought the tears back. I couldn't speak for a few seconds. Tears are definitely fewer and farther between these days, and I am surprised at the randomness of when they do come and when I miss her the very most. I still have my random moments of longing for her, as some of my siblings have told me they have felt the same! My Dad definitely continues to get teary easily and quite frequently, which is unusual for him. I've never known him to be that way until these last six months! 

Aunts and uncles and cousins on Mom's (Tanner) side!

Life goes on without my Mom and it's tough sometimes. We go to the airport to welcome her brother and wife, Rick and Jan, home from a mission . . . we meet my Mom's siblings for dinner up in Brigham City a few weeks ago . . and next week for the 24th of July weekend, the whole extended Tanner family, Mom's family, will all meet up at the Tanner family cabin and celebrate my grandparents, Dick and Dale Tanner's, 100th birthdays! Grandpa Tanner turned 100 on July 10th!  

Between my Mom and her 4 other siblings, there are 30 of us cousins on my Mom's side and many of them will be there next week! I love them all! They are all fabulous people and I love to be with them, but there will always be that big missing piece whenever I am with them! It will forever make me sad, but I have found that I can be strong and do hard things. Mom would want us to go on and be happy!  

Gram and Gramps building the Tanner family cabin 60ish years ago!

 

As I continue to go through my Mom's journals, here are a few random entries that I wanted to share . . . and as you will see, her family and extended family has always played a very important part in her life . . . and in ours too!

May 9, 1978

     Last night I had my Mom and Rob (her youngest brother) to dinner and for family home evening.

     Today the kids are back at their old tricks -- all of the clothes have been taken out of the drawers and they are trying 10 different outfits on. At nursery school they made crepe paper hats . . when they got home, they plopped the crepe paper in Chuck (the dog's) water dish and turned it orange . . got orange water all over the utility room. Michael had diarrhea . . dripped out of his diaper and all over me, the rug, in my purse, down his leg etc. etc. . . the wonders of motherhood! 

May 19, 1978

     Cammy and Katie (3 year old sisters) stayed all night at Grandma Margaret's and collapsed a grate on her window well . . they both fell in and got pretty scraped up. I was home planting petunias.

Mom with sis-in-laws, Jan and Sandy Tanner!

June 9, 1978

     I'm in the Jacobsen's (dinner group friends) car on the way to Vernal to stay overnight and then go down the Colorado River in rubber rafts. Paige and Mardi are with me, but the rest of the troops are home with Grandma Cora and Grandma Margaret. Mike is coming up later tonight . . he has a hard time taking any time off . . hasn't taken one day off this year.
     Mike and I went to the temple last night and were the witness couple. I also took the kids swimming at the Teerlink's house yesterday.
     Mardi just finished 3rd grade and Paige 7th. Mardi had a ballet program at Indian Hills and her school dance festival. Mardi is taking tap dance from Dixie Schoenhals and so am I  . . tapping off pounds!
     I was just in charge of the evening of sharing program in mutual. The theme was gifts of the spirit and I wrote a poem to each of my mutual girls.
     I'm also on the luncheon committee for the closing social in Relief Society.
     Jogging or running is certainly a popular way to stay in shape . . . I wish I could make my body think it is fun!

Mom and sister Deanne!

July 2, 1978 . . Sunday

     We got back a week ago from Laguna Beach. We took everyone but Michael who stayed with Grandma Margaret.  We took Grandma Cora with us and dropped her off at her friend's house in Hemet, California. We spent a day at Sea World in San Diego and a day at Disneyland. We also had Janice and her family (Dad's sister) down to the beach for a day. It was a good change but was not very restful with 2 small children who like to pinch each other, pull hair and scratch!
     The day before we left, the bishop pulled Mike aside and asked his permission to call me as Mutual President . . It ruined my trip. I just can't imagine how I'm going to do that with all the over night retreats, etc. and still raise these little children. I feel many days like I can barely get the wash done. 
     This is a very hard period in my life as I have so much responsibility and relatively no free time. Sometimes I yearn for just one day of peace and quiet. Mike is also gone so much!
     Today we went to Mike and Sandy's ward to see the blessing of Richard Crandall Tanner. He was blessed with a love for and a desire to serve his fellowman, no matter what their station in life. We then went to Sandy's for dinner - and ate in their back yard. 
 

Gram and Grandpa Tanner in the 50's or 60's!

July 16,1978 (38 years ago today!)

     Returned today from 3 days in Bear Lake. It was the gathering for the William Tanner and Richard Tanner reunion. (My Mom's Dad and his brother) All of Uncle Bill's 13 children attended but Bryan and Mark . . also 19 grandchildren. All of our family was present . . 5 children and 16 grandchildren. We were all very cozy in close quarters with lots of bodies but had a marvelous time water skiing, playing tennis, eating etc. We had a several spiritual meetings with Uncle Bill's family -- a special Sunday school class tonight by John Tanner on raising children in today's world so that they hold fast to the gospel principles. Also had a meeting to discuss daddy . . . Richard Tanner . . and talked of his life and personality for the benefit of those who didn't know him well. 
     Uncle Bill and his family of 13 children have always been very inspirational and a great example to me. Uncle Bill also gave me a blessing that I might have more than just two kids a few years ago.
     Paige (older sis) spent last week at Brighton Camp and loved the experience. I attended the Laurel and Mia Maid Camp up on the stake's property above Oakley. We slept in tents and cooked our meals in tin cans. I had a "better than expected"  time but about froze to death during the night and returned with a bad cold . . . sniff, snort, drip!
     On July 13th I forgot to mention that I went to dinner with my old friends that I went to church with from 7 years old to 18 years old. Many of these girls I hadn't seen in ten years . . Marie Kibbe Hansen, Judy Landward Hollingshead, Carmen Pingree, Kathleen Hale Webb, Camille Lamoureax, Edith Lund, Christina Nelson.