Lost and Remaining Abilities!

March 20, 2014

 As I laid in bed early this morning, I was sad thinking about all the things my Mom has lost her ability to do, due to her Alzheimer's disease.  She has lost the ability to . . . 

-- Drive  (Her license was taken away a few years ago and up until a few months ago she used to talk about how mad she was she couldn't drive, and she was confident that she would have been fine on the roads.  I'm confident my Dad made the right decision to take it away when he did.)

-- Read books and newspaper  (Just until a few months ago, I believe my Mom was reading the paper and trying to still read her books for book club and just for fun, but I think her ability is now, sadly, totally gone.  Some of it might be due to the fact that she doesn't see well and often doesn't have her contacts in or glasses on . . . but mostly I think it's just the disease!)

-- To write (Up until a few years ago, we all received Valentine's cards from my Mom every February in the mail.  I didn't realize at the time what treasures those are now! I hope I kept them all!  Slowly we have watched her ability to write go down hill this last year. First I saw her misspelling words like my name, but now her writing is hardly legible.  It's very sad.)

--  Pick out her own clothes (I believe my Dad has been helping her pick out her clothes for the last few years, but now I think he even helps her dress.  Numerous times my Dad has attempted to clean out and organize all her clothes in her closet, but it doesn't take long for all the clothes to get all mixed up again.  A few years ago I even got in on the project and thought I was helping out by putting labels on all her drawers and shelves in her closet.  It didn't really work and the clothes all got mixed up anyway.)

-- Do her own hair and make-up  (It's been quite a few years now that my Mom has not been wearing any of her usual make-up that she always used to wear.  I think the only make-up she wears now is a little lipstick and she still puts that on herself.  My Dad has been doing her hair for a while now . . . maybe the last few years?) 

-- Make rolls and donuts and sweetrolls and all the good food she used to make.  (My Dad took over on the cooking a number of years ago, and he's doing a great job, I might add. I have joked with him that he should probably open up his own restaurant. with all the recipes he now makes! I don't want to forget that my Mom was also a great cook.  Some of my favorites she used to make were chicken/broccoli casserole, her home made rolls, glazed donuts that we would help her dip, home made sweetrolls, Cheese fondue, orange rolls etc.  I think she has even forgotten that she used to cook, and that she was good at it!)  

One of my Mom's great paintings!  I love this one! 

-- Paint  (About 10 years ago my Mom took up painting.  One of her friends taught water color lessons and so she spent a lot of time at painting class and just painting on her own at home.  Interestingly, I think she took up painting after she started showing symptoms of the disease and some of her paintings are pretty darn amazing!  I have a few hanging in our house as I know my siblings do too!  She has now lost all ability to paint . . as of probably a year or two ago.  I'm so happy to have a handful of her paintings that I can keep or pass on to my kids!)  

-- Remember the names of her friends  (Can you imagine how hard it would be to never be able to remember any of the names of your friends or neighbors?  I can just imagine how frustrating life would be all the time!  Every once in a while, she will pull up a name of somebody, and surprise me, but most of the time now, she just says something like, "You know that lady that lives up the street who we have known for a long time . . . ")

-- Remember her grand kids and husband  (There has only been a time or two where my Mom has confused who I am . . . so far.  She has asked, "Now how do the two of us know each other?" or "Tell me about yourself.  How many kids do you have? Tell me about them." Other than that, I'm pretty sure she has known who I am.  Sadly for my Dad though, and my sister who are with her most often, she often gets confused as to who they are!  My sister is often called HER sister and my Dad is often just a stranger staying at their house . . who always answers their phone!)

-- Remember where the dishes go in her own kitchen  (I noticed as she was putting the dishes away on Sunday, when we were eating over there, that she did not know where to put her spatula and different items around the kitchen.  I'm sure that my Dad finds things in the most peculiar places!)
 
-- Put clean clothes away in the right places (My Dad has expressed to me that the laundry situation is pretty frustrating!  I don't think my Mom can keep track at all which clothes are dirty and which ones have been washed and dried.  I'm sure that clothes have been washed and rewashed or haven't been washed at all before wearing them again.  And then when my Mom goes to put the "clean" clothes away, my Dad says he finds them all over the place!  It's not unusual to find my Dad's socks in my Mom's drawers and for my Mom to be found wearing them!)   

As sad as this makes me, I have to remember the things that she still CAN do!  I'm sure there will be a day that I wished she could do the following . . . 

-- My Mom can still clean and do dishes!  On Sunday when we ate dinner together, as usual she automatically goes to work to get the dishes done, and she seems to know mostly what she's doing.  She might not stack them as efficiently as she used to, but it works!  My Dad says my Mom has lost her ability to entertain herself and sometimes has absolutely nothing to do . . but cleaning is something she CAN do!

Hot mama on the tennis court!

-- She is still able to play tennis . . to what extent I'm not sure.  When she was around my age (45), we need to remember that her and her team took Nationals in the 4.5 division!  She was a GOOD player!  She is still filling in as a substitute in some of the groups of ladies about once a week and says she is really enjoying that.  I really wonder how much of her ability she has lost??  I played with her a little over last Thanksgiving holiday last year and her hand/eye coordination was a little slow and not where it used to be.  She missed a handful of balls because she wasn't quick enough.  Part of me is tempted to ask some of her tennis friends that she plays with, but the other part of me doesn't want to know.  All I know is that she still loves tennis! She sometimes talks about it like it's a new game she's just discovered . . . "a fun game where you get on teams and hit a ball over a net." I'm just so grateful that her friends still include her and show patience with her.  Bless them!  Bless you whoever you are! 

-- My Mom can also carry on conversations on the phone and in person, act friendly, understand and laugh at jokes, show emotion, show love and affection, eat by herself, answer the phone with proper manners, and go on walks and hikes with me!  

I am sad for the things that my Mom can no longer do, but grateful for the things that she can!  Love her so much and so happy that we can still hike and walk and shop and go out to lunch together!!  

My Dad told me the other day that he was talking to a few of his friends and acquaintances that also have wives with Alzheimers disease.  I'm sure that gives him some comfort and peace knowing he is not alone.  Anyway, they were comparing what stages their wives are at and my Dad said he was surprised at how very different each case is!  For example, one of his friend's wives is in diapers and is more progressed than my Mom, yet has not forgotten her husband at all!  So interesting! 

Just heard on the news today that 1 in 6 women are expected to get Alzheimer's during their lifetime!  Yikes!  Please don't let that be me!

Flashing back to 7 years ago . . . 
 
March 6, 2007                                                            Tuesday

    It’s been quite a while since I’ve seen my parents.  They are keeping really busy with their travels around the world teaching 3rd World countries about Neonatal care.  They’ve been traveling about once every other month for a few years now and I think and hope that it’s coming to an end soon.  For one, I think they’re getting a bit tired of it, and two, I have the feeling it might be getting a little harder with my Mom.  I think for my Dad, it’s a bit like babysitting.  Although he’s never said anything about it being hard, I just get the feeling that it’s tough on him!  It’s such a sad thing – if my Mom were in her totally right mind, she would be mortified to know that she was a burden to someone else.  She would hate it!  

Why is this happening to her this way?  What are we all to be learning from this?  All I know right now is that it’s very painful for me to sit back and watch.  Again, most of the time I can hold myself together pretty good and can fake it out in public, but deep down inside I am hurting!  It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever had to witness and I’m trying my very hardest to be strong.  I need to be strong for her, for my kids, and for my Dad.  We can do this!!

Although my Mom’s memory has seemed to be about the same for the last year or so, I have seen the situation worsen just a little in the last few months.  It’s getting a little worse with her repeated questions and actions.  Her short term memory is not good!

Right now, fortunately for my parents, they are enjoying a relaxing (finally!) trip to Acapulco with some old friends of my Mom’s from high school.   I have been looking forward to this for my Mom for a long time because she has needed a break.  She seems anxious and stressed often and I hope this rejuvenates her for a long time!  I hope she has many hours where she can just sit on the beach, read, sunbathe, and just relax to her heart’s content!  She deserves it! 

I wonder how obvious her memory loss is to her old friends.  Although it would be painful for me to know, I would be interested in talking to one of them and finding out if all seemed normal with her.

I think my Mom is getting to the point where she is not going to be able to be left alone.  About a month ago when she flew to Colorado to help out my sister Katie who just had a baby, there was a little problem with her in the airport by herself.  My Dad did not fly with her because he had a commitment he had to be to and could not meet her there until a few days later.  I was very worried about her flying alone!  I think my Dad and sister Paige downplayed it with me as not to upset me, but when my Mom landed in Denver, she ended up going to the wrong carousel to pick up her luggage and went to meet Katie’s husband Adam about an hour late.  Katie and Adam were calling my Dad in the middle of teaching his Sunday school lesson to find out if he knew where Mom was.  That kind of incident leaves me feeling so uneasy! 

I just got off the phone with my sister Katie today and she told me a little more about my parent's stay with them in Colorado last month.  Katie said that my Mom was always wanting to help out and do something, whether it was folding a load of laundry, holding the baby, changing the baby, whatever.  She said it was very fun having them there and great bonding time for them and her kids, but a little frustrating at times. One time my Mom changed the baby 3 or 4 times in a one hour period.  Katie decided not to say anything to her and just let her do it, as not to embarrass her.  Katie’s reply was, “at least the baby was clean!” And then another day my Mom asked Katie if a certain pile of clothes was clean or dirty and Katie told her that they were dirty.  A short time later Katie found the pile of clothes folded and in piles.  It makes me sad to hear things like this, but I guess the one good thing is that my Mom is not aware that she is doing these things, unless people are pointing it out to her.
 
A couple weeks ago, the day before my Mom and Dad were leaving for one of their medical trips to Myanmar, my Mom was running errands with my sister Paige when my Mom got distracted and got in a fender bender accident.  I don’t think the damage was too bad, but bad enough that they had to take the car in.  I guess the guy that they hit was very nice and patient, thank goodness!  Thank you to who ever you are!  I guess we should be counting our blessings that it wasn’t a serious car accident!  My fear is that this is just the beginning to many incidents similar to this.  I’ve mentioned this before, but my worst fear is getting a phone call one day that my Mom has gone out on a bike ride and has not returned, and no one knows where she has gone.  I hope and pray it never happens!

Mom and my youngest bro (babe of fam) Steve in the early 80's! Awww!

I mentioned that my Mom got a new church calling a little while ago in the primary, but at the time I didn’t know what age group she was teaching.  She has since told me she is teaching the 11 year old girls, which could be a good thing and a bad thing.  The good thing is that she probably doesn’t have to deal with bad behavior problems with them since 11 year old girls are usually pretty good.  The bad thing is that they are old enough and smart enough that they might be able to pick up some of her repetitiveness and confusion.  I hope and pray it goes well and that she feels needed and loved in her ward.  I hope people understand!  My Mom is the greatest and I want her always to be treated with the utmost respect, dignity and love! 

One more thing . . . recently my family of 8 went down to St. George and spent a few days at my parent’s condo over President’s Day weekend in February.  We had a good and relaxing time, but I found something to be interesting.  This resort where we always stay was more crowded than I have ever seen it before and we ran into a lot of people we know.  The interesting thing I found is this:  when I see or run into my Mom’s tennis friends or any of her old friends, it pains me a little bit and I find myself trying to avoid them.  I believe this might be because it hurts me to see them seeming so together and healthy, and I resent the fact that they are healthy and my Mom’s health is deteriorating.  I also dread the questions from them, “How’s your Mom doing?”  “Is she ok?” etc . . .  I wonder how long this discomfort and pain will last?  Hopefully not long!

"When do you think Grandma will die?"

March 17, 2014

Happy St. Patty's Day today! I'm seeing all these photos on Instagram of families where the leprechaun left treats at their house and they ate green food for breakfast and all!  My poor littlest kids!  We did not have a leprechaun leave anything today!  I was lucky to help them all find a little green to wear to school.  To be honest, I don't think they really care all that much!  I'm considering going to the store and buying pancake mix to make green pancakes and green scrambled eggs tonight . . to have breakfast for dinner.  We'll see if it ends up happening. :) 

I spent a few hours with my Mom last Tuesday while my Dad went to his correlation meeting at the church office building.  At first it was snowing pretty good outside and I was wondering and a little worried about what we were going to find to do for 3 hours.  We watched a little of a tennis tournament on tv and then we got on Facebook and looked at some photos on there . . . photos of my Mom and different people.  I think she enjoyed that although I'm not sure she knew who a lot of the people were.  Then, fortunately for us, the weather cleared right up and we were able to go on a walk.  We ended up walking to my aunt and uncle's house a few miles away, just to visit.  This is the same aunt Sandy that helps my Dad with my Mom on Wednesdays when my Dad goes to volunteer at a clinic.  She is truly a saint and I am so grateful for her!  Her hubby Mike, my uncle and my Mom's brother, is also great and helps out a lot too!  Anyway, we had a good visit, despite the fact that my Mom kept repeating that she needed to call home in case anyone at home was wondering where she was.  We kept assuring her that my Dad wasn't home and that we were meeting him later that night.

One thing my Mom kept drawing my attention to at her house that day was this mirror in their bathroom.  In the little toilet room, they have a mirror that goes from the floor to the ceiling and she kept telling me that she can't believe that people from the house next door are able to see in her bathroom . . although there are no windows in there.  My sister also told me that she has looked in the mirror and told her that there has been another woman at the house.  Is it possible with Alzheimer's  to get to the point where you don't even know yourself?  Apparently so! 

I guess, according to my Dad, my Mom is getting more and more confused about him and also about their home.  She is often found gathering up her "things" to "take home."  It is not unusual for her to tell my Dad she wants to go home.  The house they live in now has been their home since I was seven years old, and so that means they have lived there for about thirty eight years! I just can't get over how strange this disease is!  They can remember things from their past, but then can't remember a husband of 49 years and her own home!  Actually, I've noticed that even details from her past are starting to fade.  She can't remember details, and sometimes I wonder how accurate her details are.  Bless her heart!  I love my Mom and feel so badly that she is living this "H-E-double toothpicks" on earth . . . thinking my Dad has gone somewhere else most of the time, wondering who all these people are around her in a home she doesn't recognize, and thinking she can't even go to the bathroom without people looking in!  It's beyond sad! 

My Mom with my two youngest boys on March 16, 2014!

A little over a week ago, I was cutting my youngest son, Josh's hair in my bathroom.  Just randomly, out of the blue, he caught me off guard when he asked me, "When do you think Grandma will die?"  I wasn't sure I heard him right and so I asked him if that's what he asked me.  "Yes, when do you think she'll die?" Not knowing the best way to answer without making him more sad or worried, I just said, "I don't know Josh.  Know one really knows. I'm guessing a couple of years?"  Actually, I hope it doesn't drag out that long!  I pray for the tender mercy that it will come sooner and peacefully!  She would want it that way!  Josh didn't say anything after that.  It breaks my heart to think about my kids growing up without my Mom and their Grandma . . and that my youngest kids never really experienced the real her!  My youngest two boys probably don't have many memories at all from when she had her healthy mind.  I think they'll always remember her for her repeated questions, and hopefully for her love.  She's always still telling them how great she thinks they are and how talented they are!  I find that my kids don't talk about my Mom very often and that's why I was surprised when Josh asked me that question.  I think it's just too painful of a subject to talk about.  I have a hard time holding my tears in when we DO talk about her and her situation, but sometimes I surprise myself and I'm so much stronger than I ever imagined I could be!  


Flashing back to 7 years ago . . . 

February 1, 2007                                                   Thursday

    I have seen my Mom a few times this past week.  We got together for dinner last Sunday and yesterday I met her and Mike, Jennie and Carter at the Children’s Museum in downtown Salt Lake.  She seems to be happy.  It continues to bother me how she can’t remember details about future events.  For example, she leaves Sunday afternoon to go stay with my sister Katie in Colorado for a week to help them with their new baby, Rachel.  If you were to ask her when she was going, she would probably say something like, “I don’t know, it’s coming up soon, I’m not sure, I’d have to ask Dad.”  She isn’t doing very well remembering things like that.  

    My Mom made a comment the other night after dinner.  She was looking around at her grandkids and she said something like “Look at all these cute kids. . . I wonder what they’ll all be doing in ten years.  I hope I’m around to see them. . . if I’m gone and Dad remarries, just make sure you don’t like her!”  And then she laughed.  Of course she was just kidding!  I don’t like it when she talks that way.  I do like the fact that her sense of humor is still there, but I hate it when she or anyone says stuff like that!

My Mom and Dad with my three oldest kids at the cabin  in 1998!

    My Mom just got a new calling in her ward.  After her release from being a gospel doctrine teacher a few months ago, she has been on the Enrichment committee and has not had a lot of responsibility.  She’s been aware of that and has mentioned to me that she is there because they don’t know where else to put her.  I’m sad that she feels this way.  She has been called to be a primary teacher, which could be a good thing or a bad thing.  It’s a good thing in that if she repeats herself like she often does, perhaps the kids won’t notice.  But she has told me all her life that she doesn’t feel that she is cut out to work with primary kids and to deal with their misbehaving like they sometimes can.  I hope it doesn’t stress her out!  She seems to stress out a lot easier now!

I'm afraid my learning will stop!

March 12, 2014

Hot couple in the 60's!

In a phone conversation with my Dad the other day, he told me that these ladies that are going to come in to their house to help with my Mom are going to start coming very soon . . either this week or next!  He's very nervous about it for a few reasons: 

#1 My mom keeps saying that she doesn't need to be babysat . . and my Dad doesn't know how she's going to handle having them there eight hours a day/5 days a week. Instead of telling her that they are going to be there just for her, we are saying that they are maids of sorts . . gals that will help them with laundry, cleaning, organizing, and just being there for my Mom if my Dad leaves and if she wants to go somewhere, or needs a ride somewhere. She'll either love it or hate it . . . we will see . . fingers crossed!

#2 My Dad is afraid that once he has these two gals in the house to help him and allow him to come and go as he needs and wants to, he is nervous that his "learning will stop" . . . "I'm afraid my learning will end . . . my test will end." He feels this trial is a lot for him, as I feel it's a lot for him and for all of us! Although I know his life will be relieved a little with this help, I still think things are going to be tough as he'll still have her nights and on weekends.  And, it's not like he will leave her very often anyway . . . but just when he needs to if he has a correlation meeting, a tennis match or volunteering at his free clinic downtown.  I told my Dad that I think he's already passed this big test! From my viewpoint, my Dad has been a trooper and is passing with flying colors. Of course his patience hasn't always been perfect, as I'm sure mine wouldn't be either . . or anyone's!  I think he's doing awesome!  His response to me was, "No, maybe I've failed the test!" That makes me feel bad because I think he's done the very best that he can and knows how! 

Another thing my Dad told me in that same conversation, when I told him to "hang in there!" is, "There's only one thing that's harder than being alone and single . . . and I won't tell you what that is."  I'm pretty sure I know just what he meant!  The only thing harder than that is dealing with a wife of 49 years that no longer knows who you are, can no longer do her own hair or make-up, pick out her own clothes or entertain herself.   My Dad has been doing it ALL lately . . . all the cooking (including for her Book Club luncheon hosted by them) to curling and styling her hair, to driving her everywhere she goes.  This makes me sad because my Dad has obviously thought about how hard and lonely it is going to be to be alone one day. 

My mom, in her right mind, would be so sad and embarrassed to know she is such a challenge.  She would never want to be a burden on anyone.  We serve her because we love her.  I'm paying her back for all she has done for me and our family . . . and I'm sure my Dad probably feels the same!


Flashing back to a little over 7 years ago . . .


January 24, 2007

            We had a good time shopping a week or two ago when we went shopping for my birthday.  We shopped for about an hour and then went to lunch.  My sister Paige also came for some “girl time”.  My mom tried to talk my Dad into coming too to help us pick out some furniture for our front entry way in our house, but he didn’t want to come because, he said, it sounded like it was a “girl’s trip”.  We didn’t end up finding what I was looking for on that trip, but then last Saturday Sarah and I met my Mom to see a console table that she had found.  It ended up being perfect and just what I was looking for.  She and my Dad bought it for me for my birthday. I love that she remembered and continued to look for me.

            Being with my Mom seems so normal, and like it always has, except for occasionally she’ll seem a little lost and confused.  She knew all throughout our shopping trip that we were looking for a black table to go in our front entry way, but every once in a while she would ask me if black would match alright.  I kept assuring her that black would definitely be the best color for it.  

     
       My Mom called me yesterday morning to find out how we are liking our new table.  I was so happy that she still remembered!  During our conversation though, she told me a story about what had happened between my Dad and sister the night before twice within about five minutes.  I thought for sure that she might catch herself, but she didn’t.  For the most part though, things are normal and as good as they can be under the circumstance.  

 My parents a long time ago . . . 80's? 

            I just had a few minutes to sit down and read the newspaper a few minutes ago.  For some reason I always like to read the obituaries.  Often times I will find someone I know or I just like to read about people and their lives.  Today I came across an obituary of a lady I don’t know that made me cry.  The beginning of it said, “Our angel mother, grandmother, Ganeil Bishop, returned to her Heavenly Home January 22, 2007 at age 75, after a 15 year struggle with Alzheimer’s.”  She left behind nine children, many grandchildren, and even great grandchildren, “with three more expected soon.”  I’m trying to figure out exactly why it makes me cry to read this.  I guess I feel relieved for the family that they no longer have to watch their angel mom and grandma suffer anymore.  I think I also feel upset that she would live for fifteen long years with such a horrible disease.  That seems way too long!  I guess a lot of the qualities about this lady also remind me of my great mom.  “As a valiant member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, she has an unwavering testimony of the Gospel and the Savior Jesus Christ . . . she exemplified many talents here on earth, using them to bless the lives of all around her.  Children flocked to her side.  She loved everyone she met and they loved her.”  This makes me think of my Mom and how she would always be willing to help out someone in need.  When her friend with MS needs something, she drops everything to go help her.  When one of her old nursing careers students would drop in, she would drop everything, give them her full attention, and make them feel like they were the most important person in her life.  She even makes the guy feel good that comes by our house selling cleaning supplies a few times a year.  I’ve tried hard in my life to follow her great example!

            My Mom strongly desires to get away for a little vacation down to their condo in St. George or somewhere.  She needs a break and I hope they can find a time to give her one.  Next week she goes to Denver to help Katie out with their new little baby girl, Rachel.  After that, maybe they can sneak away to St. George.

"I've Never Been Married To Him!"

February 24, 2014

I spent an emotional 10 minutes on the phone with my Mom today trying to convince her that the guy standing next to her was her husband and my Dad!  "I have never been married to him!" she said to me over and over again!  "What's his full name?"  I answered that question at least 3 or 4 times!  For some reason she knows us kids (most of the time) but does not know my Dad, the person who dresses her, feeds her, drives her everywhere and spends almost 24/7 with her?!  Doesn't that seem unusual?  We've heard of other people with Alzheimer's that are not able to control their bladder, but still remember their spouse??  My poor Dad . . . to be living with that each and every day!  And my poor Mom who thinks my Dad has left and left her with this strange man who is taking care of her.  It's just a sad and hard situation all around!  

Mom and Dad with my 3rd child, Tan the Man . . . they came
 to watch him perform in a school assembly, February 2014!

I called just to see how my parents were doing since I haven't talked to them in a few days.  We were about to hang up when I heard my Mom in the background talking loudly, "Am I dying?  Why is everyone talking about me?  Why do you want me to sign these papers?  Why would I sign over my money to someone I don't even know?  I'm not signing anything!"  It was at that point that I asked to talk to her.  In tears for both of us, over and over again I told her, "Believe me when I tell you that the man standing in that room with you is your husband of 49 years.  You have been happily married for 49 years!  I would not lie to you, Mom!  No one is trying to trick you into anything . . just sign those papers and I know you will be happy that you did.  Trust me."  

"Ok, I trust you.  I will do it.  I just don't remember being married to him . . . ever!  What were his parents names?  Were they alive when we were married?"  

"Yes, they just died within the last 5 or so years.  And your parents were Richard and Dale Tanner."

"I remember them."

"And did you know that you had 6 kids with your husband of 49 years?  You had SIX kids with him!"  

"What are their names?"  I proceeded to remind her of all of our names, and I think she remembered.  "I just don't know why these people are trying to get me to sign away my money.  I don't trust them.  I don't know them.  I must be dying if they want me to do this!  Am I?  How would you like it if people were doing this to you?"  

My Dad is trying to get some papers signed in front of a notary and she has not been easy.

My Mom and all 6 of us kids in about 1980 . . .
 I'm in the striped shirt with arms folded!

"It's your Alzheimer brain that is making you forget that he is your husband.  I promise that he is and that he only wants the best for you!  He is only trying to help you!"  We both hung up the phone crying and I don't know what happened after that with her, but I continued to cry as I swept my floors.  This is just heartbreaking to me!  This is my Mom who I have loved and respected for my whole life . . 45 years!  I know her well enough to know that she would be mortified in her right mind to know what she is putting my Dad through each day.  If I could describe my mother before all this Alzheimer stuff, I would say she has always been a classy, kind, talented, tenderhearted, caring person who everybody loved!  She does not want to be remembered for this crazy stuff!


Flashing back to 7 years ago . . . 

January 10, 2007

            We just had a Sunday dinner at my parent’s house a few days ago.  Steve (my brother) and Jenny (his wife) had just returned home from Israel for two weeks and Jenny came back here to pick up her cutest little daughter Ashley, so we had a dinner for them.  It was also a birthday celebration for me I guess.  My aunt Pat brought a cake for my birthday, which is on the 8^th.  Me and Elvis celebrate our birthdays on the same day. :)

My parents spending some time with my youngest bro, Steve
and his wife Jenny in Maryland where they lived!

            I was amazed and happy to find my Mom seeming so very normal.  She seems so happy right now and her sense of humor is just as it’s always been.  She was telling stories like nothing has ever been wrong with her mind!  It was good to see her like that because lately she has seemed a little more quiet and deep in thought.  Unless you are with her on a regular basis, I honestly don’t think anyone would guess that anything was wrong.  The main problems I see is with her short term memory, like on Sunday when she must have kissed Ashley about 100 times before she left.  They do have a special bond and Ashley loves her like her second mother, but as Jenny and Ashley were leaving, I believe my Mom kept forgetting that she had just given her a goodbye kiss.  Lucky little Ashley got many good bye kisses!

            Another problem she has is remembering details about recent happenings.  For example, my brother Steve who is in medical school at Johns Hopkins just took his boards exam, which is a test which I believe tests them on everything they have learned so far in medical school.  He came home and spent the summer last year studying at my parent’s house.  Anyway, he ended up scoring very well on the test, and in fact got the very same score as my other brother Mike.  We were talking about that at dinner and my Mom seemed confused and did not know what we were talking about.  My Dad reminded her in a fairly patient way.  He is doing pretty well in the patience department, considering that he deals with her 24/7 and sees her at her best and at her very worst.  

            A funny thought crossed my mind the other day when my Mom seemed mostly normal and good.  I wondered for just a few minutes if I was keeping this journal for nothing, and perhaps nothing was wrong with her mind after all.  I would hope that I am right, but I’m afraid that it’s just a slow moving problem.  I think it makes me appreciate every moment I have with her!  She truly has been one of my very best friends and she is a wonderful person.   

            I’m lucky enough to be able to go shopping with her tomorrow for my birthday . . . her idea!