The Immediate Goodness of God!

June, 2021

It's amazing how quickly time seems to pass by. We hit the 5 year anniversary of my Mom's passing this past January 18th.  Five and a half years!  I remember so well that night I first heard the news as I sat almost paralyzed on my family room couch and didn't move for a couple of hours! I had a similar experience a few weeks ago where I received a call from a friend that told me that our other friend's 26 year old son had just passed away in a tragic small plane crash near Ogden, Utah.  I felt the same numbness and went out in my back yard and just sat for at least an hour.  

Can't believe it has already been years since I last wrote on this blog. I still think of her often, and I'm sure I always will!  Certain experiences in my life bring up memories of her and yes, the tears still come at times . . . not too often but they still come! I'm convinced they will continue to come throughout my lifetime.  I recently had all our home videos turned digital so that we can store them for life and just a few days ago I watched a video of a birthday party for one of my kids where my grandparents and Mom and Dad attended.  My Mom was in her prime and so beautiful and funny and personable.  I was surprised at my response as I had to turn away and compose my emotions.  Yes we miss her and always will!  

I love the little reminders of my Mom throughout my journey in this life!  I hope these reminders keep coming!

When my Mom died we put together a slideshow of many photos of my Mom, and the music we chose to be the background music was by a group called "Sleeping At Last".  I hear this music on a fairly regular basis, and although it brings up some sadness, I've learned to embrace the emotion and just love the memories it brings up.  

I have many more times when I have been reminded of my Mom and I will include more of them in my next blog entry.  


Here I want to include a talk I gave in church a few years ago about my Mom on May 12, 2019.  Matt and I were asked to speak in our Sacrament Meeting in church and told we could talk on whatever talk we wanted from the previous General Conference . . . this is the one I chose!  

Mother’s Day talk

“The Immediate Goodness of God” by Elder Kyle S. McKay

We are the Townsends, Mardi and Matt.  Our family has lived in our house and in this ward
for almost 14 years so most of you probably know us.  We moved in when our oldest Sarah
was 12 and our youngest Josh was 8 months old, with our other 4 boys in between . . . a lot
has happened since then.  Just a few little funny tidbits about Matt and I that you may not
know . . . Met in high school in the front hall of our school, Highland High . . . later found out
we went to preschool together - saw me wet my pants . . . front hall - he’s so goofy

Fast forward a few years . . .  we went on one of our first dates on a priest quorum 4
wheeling activity. Never a dull moment with him. :) 

As many of you know, Britton, our number 4 child, is on his mission in Osorno Chile and
has been gone about 9 months.  Knowing that missionaries look so forward to General
Conference, I asked him what his favorite talks were from this last conference . . he
mentioned 2 of them and challenged us to go reread or re-listen to them.  I did. One of
them was Elder Holland’s talk and the other one was one that I have chosen to talk about
today . . . “The Immediate Goodness of God” by Elder Kyle S. McKay. I think I discovered
why it was one of his favorites. You may remember that it talks about how this life is tough,
just like a mission is tough, and oftentimes we are waiting for a trial to pass or blessings to
come, but God’s timing is different than ours and it sometimes takes longer than we want.
This talk emphasizes that there are many blessings that come to us immediately even in the

midst of our trials . . . . whether it’s on our missions or in our everyday lives.    

I get to talk about 2 of my very favorite things today . . Being Mother’s Day, I wanted to talk
about my Mom and her goodness and Jesus Christ and his immediate goodness that we
can feel right now . . two things that make me the happiest and often bring the tears. I’m
hoping to keep the tears away!

When I was younger I always had a fear of losing my parents . . as probably many kids do.  
My parents travelled a lot with my Dad’s work and also just for fun! I had an uncle, my Dad’s
brother, who died in a plane accident when I was in elementary school so my child brain
worried a lot and I remember lots of tears leading up to my parent’s departure.  I believed
that I would not be able to live in this life without them . . especially my Mom since we were
very close. So I would pray often for their safety.

From the years 2000-2003 my parents were serving as mission presidents of the London

South Mission. My Mom flew home for my youngest brother’s wedding and we all noticed

something was different about her. She was repeating herself more than usual and she seemed

a little distant and different from her usual self.  We all tried to convince ourselves and each other

that it must just be the stress of being a mission Mom. After all, she WAS constantly having to

prepare meals, change sheets, entertain visitors, go to meetings and there was hardly ever a time for her to just

sit and relax . . but somehow I just knew it was much more than stress. We had recently dealt with

my grandma on my Dad’s side that had dementia of some form and I had a feeling that this was

just the beginning . . the beginning of a very long disease. I remember hearing that people could

live for 10 years or more with such a disease and I believed there was simply no way that I could

handle watching my Mother, one of the people I loved most in the world, deteriorate from a disease

such as Alzheimers. I am so happy to tell you, as I stand before you today, I did survive 14 years

of the disease with my Mom. I cried thousands of tears in private and many not in private as

this disease progressed and felt that it was the hardest trial I could be experiencing in my life.  I

am happy to be on the other side and I feel that I am a better person because of it. There’s no

doubt that I had help and that I experienced that “immediate goodness” over and over again!

My Mom did get to finish out their 3 year mission as the disease was very slow moving at
first.  I remember praying that this disease would not be dragged on for years and years as
I heard it could. I remember counting forward 10 years ahead to 2012 and thinking, “Wow,
I sure hope it doesn’t drag out that long!”  As Elder McKay said, “The Lord’s timing is different
from ours. Patience is the key. Without it, we can neither develop nor demonstrate faith in
God until life and salvation.” One of the reasons I love this talk so much is because it’s such
a great reminder that even while we are patiently waiting upon the Lord to answer our prayers
or to have a trial pass and end, certain blessings will come to us immediately, often right in the
middle of our biggest trials.

Elder McKay said, “The immediate goodness of God comes to all who call upon Him with real
intent and full purpose of heart. This includes those that cry out in earnest desperation when
deliverance seems so distant and suffering seems prolonged and maybe even intensified.”  
For me, deliverance for my Mom and for all of us did seem so distant at times. But when I
look back at my whole experience now, I now know how I made it through . . . who helped
me through.

What is this immediate goodness of God that I experienced as I went through what I believe
to be one of the hardest things that I have had to go through thus far in my life?  What is this
goodness that Britton can experience as he has dark, lonely and difficult days in the mission
field? What is that goodness that we can all experience as we go through the many trials of
our life?  

The Lord strengthens us, eases our burdens, pronounces peace upon us, gives us hope
and provides us with his never ending LOVE.  Sometimes it’s through other people that the
Lord strengthens us and eases our burdens. It might be through a blessing or while you are
praying that we feel this peace, hope or this love.

I was determined to have no regrets when it came to this situation with my Mom. I wanted
to help her and my Dad as much as I could.  My goal was to try and spend a few hours a
week with my Mom . . we went on field trips of all kinds . . . hikes, shopping trips, walks,
trips to the zoo . . . right up until about 3 months before she passed. Even when she went
into a care facility home, I continued to visit her weekly and then daily as we could see that
her condition was going downhill.  

Sometimes it took all the strength and courage I could muster to get myself to go visit her . . .
and especially at the care center.  It was agonizing for me to see her in such a condition but
then so good and uplifting at the same time. Elder McKay describes this sort of situation well
as he told the story about the woman, Alicia, that had just been told that her son had just been
killed in a snowmobiling accident and her husband was seriously injured.  As her bishop gave
her a blessing, he said that Alicia was filled with indescribable peace, love, comfort, and
somehow joy. Here Alicia had just found out that one family member was gone and the other
seriously injured, yet she felt joy and peace? How could that be? I remember many a time
feeling the same way as I sat with my Mom or as I drove away from a visit with her . . .
such a peace!  The tears still came though.

Elder McKay also mentioned a woman named Emilie in his talk who struggled with substance

abuse for so many years.  In a very low moment in Emilie’s life, as she had been taken away

from her family and put into an inpatient facility, she prayed desperately for God to save her.  

Elder McKay said, “Jesus stretched forth His hand and caught her sinking soul, and there came

over her a ‘wondrous calm, courage, assurance and love’ that everything was going to be ok.”  

Her healing and ultimate deliverance took months and months of treatment and counseling during

which time she was carried and sustained by his goodness. She ended up being sealed forever in

the temple to her husband and children.  I remember feeling the same calm and assurance that

everything was going to be ok. It was not going to be easy but everything was going to be alright.

I kept a blog to record the many experiences I had with my Mom and her disease over the
years.  I wanted a place to keep all the great memories of my Mom and to record the many
experiences I had with her in hopes that maybe it would help others in my same situation.  
I saw it as a safe place to express everything I was feeling. It was safer to cry to my computer
than to other people. On this blog I would often express this peace and calm assurance that
I had.   Here is just a sample of what I wrote about 5 weeks before my Mom passed away and
my Dad and I were visiting her in the care facility a few weeks before Christmas:

Instead of finding my Mom eating lunch as I expected, I found her laying on the couch

near the tables where everyone was eating.  This is what I said . . .

I really wanted to stay strong and keep my emotions under control that day . . . but didn't do
a very good job at all! As my Dad went down the hall to talk to some hospice people, who are
starting this week to come on a regular basis, I sat for about an hour next to my Mom and cried
and struggled to talk to her. I promised her long ago that I would be there for her in the end
and would rub her scalp and back like she has always loved. She wasn't too responsive to the
head rub and back scratch, but I did it anyway and hope she felt it and somehow knew it was
me.  

As I rubbed her bony back, I talked in her ear for a while before she said anything, and even
before I was sure if she was hearing me. The first thing she said back to me was, "I love you too,"
after I told her I loved her. "All of us love you, and don't forget it!" I said to her. I really felt as if
I was talking to her on her death bed. There was something very peaceful about it though, it's
hard to explain. I was so grateful to be there having that experience with her, yet it was one of
the harder things I've done.  

I then went on to say . . ,

There are a few reasons why I think I'm surviving all this . . . #1 The love and support from you
family and friends has been amazing! #2 I have had my sorrows balanced out with the joy of a
new little grandbabe in our family and being a new grandma and that has helped a lot, and #3
Of course I would not make it through all this without my knowledge of the plan of happiness
and knowing that we can all be with our loved ones forever! Especially at this time of year, I am
grateful for Jesus Christ whose birth we celebrate and who has made this all possible!

 

In the Christmas devotional last Sunday night, Sister Burton said, "There is joy in knowing the
plan of happiness and in our knowledge that we will see our loved ones again . . . there is peace
and joy and hope that comes from this knowledge." (paraphrased) As we celebrate this
Christmas season and the birth of Jesus, I could not be more thankful for Him. That's what
keeps me going in this crazy and challenging world we live in! I know that I will see my Mom
again when her mind is healthy . . . and I can't wait for that day!

  

I want to add my testimony to Elder McKay’s when he said, “I bear witness that Jesus
Christ is the Great Deliverer, and in His name, I promise that as you turn to Him with real
intent and full purpose of heart, He will deliver you from everything that threatens to
diminish or destroy your life or joy. That deliverance may take longer than you would
like—perhaps a lifetime or longer.  So, to give you comfort, courage, and hope, to
sustain and strengthen you, I commend to you and testify of the immediate goodness
of God.”

I’m so grateful for the calm, peace, strength, love, assurance and hope that we can
feel now, immediately, even in the very midst of our trials.  I am grateful for the hope
that we can see our loved ones again someday and the hope that we can live with him
again. I am grateful for my Mom and her wonderful example of service and selflessness
and love.  I am grateful for the Savior and that he helps us through any trials and
challenges that come our way. We are not alone and I know we can make it through
even the hardest of trials because of Him and his immediate goodness, and I say these
things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.  

I had a dream . . .

April 24, 2017 

Two days ago (on Saturday) I sat down next to a gal in my neighborhood at one of my youngest son's basketball games. I can't remember exactly what we were talking about, but we somehow got on the random topic of loved ones who have died and feeling their presence from the other side. I always had the belief that once my Mom passed away, I would feel her often. It hasn't been the case unfortunately. I had just decided that she must be keeping real busy over there on the other side. Although my thoughts are with her often, I haven't felt like I have had a real experience when I felt her presence.

Until now. I think I may have had my first experience with feeling like she was there . . like I actually spent some time with her! Yesterday (Sunday), in the early hours of the morning, I had a dream, and the dream even woke me up, earlier than I wanted to get up.  It's not too often that I can remember much about my dreams but this one seemed different.  It was so fresh on my mind and it seemed so real! It was random and a bit strange, but I guess that's how dreams are, right?  

This is what I remember . . I was at Costco with my Mom and my Dad and my sister Paige. We were walking up and down the isles talking and shopping. I don't remember much of what was said or too many specifics, but I do remember how I felt and one thing that my Mom said right before I woke up. The mood was light and happy, and in reference to my Dad, she said, "There's one thing I want you to remember, and that is . . he's mine and only mine!" It was said in a playful sort of way, the way she used to be with my Dad when she would give him a big smoocheroo right in front of us, or when she would "jibby our buns" (soft pinches on our behinds that is a common occurrence amongst my Mom and her siblings. :)) My Mom and Dad were walking in front of us playfully holding hands, which was not a common site to see with them. They were not known to hold hands in public much that I can remember. The visual will forever be in my mind of them walking out the exit doors of Costco smiling and holding hands. I had the feeling that this was a rare occasion with my Mom and was not going to last long, so I hurriedly tried to get my phone out to take their picture as they held hands . . . but I didn't quite make it before I woke up. Haha I wish I could take photos that would last in our dreams! I guess my memory will have to do! 

This might not sound like any big deal, but it felt so real to me.  I felt like I had just seen her and spent some time with her.  I woke up with a headache so I got up to take some medicine and as I sat and recalled this dream, the tears came back. I think these might be my first tears in a few months as time has definitely made my tears fewer and farther between.  The tears flowed freely for probably 10 minutes. They were tears of happiness for feeling like she is so happy, and for the great sadness I feel at the same time. I miss her so darn much sometimes that I can hardly stand it!  

I have to look at this experience as a little tender mercy . . . as a small message from my Mom that all is well and good over there on the other side. Yes, perhaps it was just a dream and a dream only . . . but I am going to look at it as a bit more than that! My Dad sometimes makes the comment that he hopes my Mom remembers him and still likes him when they finally get to reunite. I hope this gives him some comfort that of course she will remember him, she's happy and is patiently waiting for their reunion when they will get to spend eternity with each other!   

Dreams are peculiar things!  But I am ever so grateful! Hopefully there will be similar dreams down the road!

Here are a couple of my Moms journal entries from the late winter and early spring of 1981, exactly 36 years ago when I had just turned 12 years old . . . in her own handwriting! The first one is just a random journal entry with a picture she drew of her infected eyes . . . I thought it was cute and funny! And I've posted this last journal entry before, but it's just too good not to post again and again . . . this time it's in her own handwriting!  I want for all of her posterity to read it!  Such a good message! 

 

Thanks for setting such a great example for us, Mom!  Love you so much! xoxox

 

One year anniversary!

January 22, 2017

Visiting the cemetery this week!

We just hit the one year anniversary of Mom's passing this past week . . . January 18th! She died on Monday, Martin Luther King Day at 9:27pm, but this year the 18th came just a few days after Martin Luther King Day . . this past Wednesday.  We honored Mom by taking flowers to her grave site at the cemetery and then we went to dinner as a family with everyone that lives in town . . to Chuck-a-rama.  For some reason my family (my boys) are just really fond of that place and I have even grown to like it too. That's a tradition I hope to keep up through the years!  The weather was cold and wet, so we didn't stay long, but we stayed long enough to talk about her for a few minutes, leave flowers and say a family prayer. 

Larkin Cemetery this past week! 

I was surprised at my emotion even one year later. I'm yet to go visit the cemetery without getting choked up and shedding a few tears. I was not able to say much. In the days leading up to the big anniversary, I read many of my old blog entries and watched some of the video slide shows that I made . . just to remember . . and the emotion is definitely still there. Yes, the emotion is short lived and life goes on as normal, but I'm just reminded how much I miss her!  So much!! I often wonder what she is doing and how aware she is about what we are doing and how we are feeling down here. I often find myself saying or thinking, "I wonder what Mom would think of that," or "Mom would sure love to be here right now!"  I hope she is having a great old party up there in heaven!  I'm sure she is beyond happy and keeping busy and that makes me happy!  

I think I've mentioned this before but the passage of time is a strange thing.  Part of me can't believe it's already been a year since her death and funeral, as it seems like just a few weeks ago we were visiting her at the care center and preparing for her funeral. But then the other part of me feels like I haven't seen her for years and years!  It's just so interesting.  

Well I'm sure that this next part of my blog may be a bit of a bore to some of you who did not know my Mom personally, but I want to continue to record journal entries in this blog for future posterity. I want her grand kids and great grand kids and us kids to know the real her, and remember how she was before the disease. She will not want to be remembered for her disease and her last 14 years!  Her journals are fascinating to read and are such good reminders of what a full and busy and service-oriented life she lived! Reading her journals makes me want to do more, serve more, volunteer more, be more patient and just love more! Her days were busy, challenging, joyful, difficult, fun, and mostly happy!  It amazes me that with all that she had going on, she still managed to find time to write in her journal . . . usually while she was on a trip or vacation, which was often!  How lucky we are to have these journals! Makes me realize how I need to be better in that area! 

Paige at the cemetery!

Here are just some random journal entries that I have chosen . . . 

December 7, 1978 (I was almost 10 when our first dog Chuckie had to be put to sleep! :( )
Our dog Chuck was unable to move his back legs and was still incontinent.  Took him to the vet where I was told he had a disc problem that was putting pressure on his spinal cord.  That explains the diarrhea messes on our rug that I have had to clean up. After a traumatic afternoon and many tears, it was decided to put him to sleep.  Both Paige and Mardi were very upset and cried.  I cried all that night and had red swollen eyes.  I didn't even know I liked him that much.  I just kept feeling that maybe I should have waited several days to see what would have happened.  

October 13, 1979 (Embarrassing moment!)
Today something kind of embarrassing -- Smoke started pouring out of one of the electrical outlets in our bedroom. I thought the house was going to go up in flames so I called the Fire Dept. They sent out a truck and four men -- were very nice but it was only a faulty electrical outlet which Mike replaced . . after giving me a little razzing.  Oh well. . such is the life of a frenzied housewife. 

September 12, 1980 in St. George, Utah (Craziness with 4 kids ages 5 and under!)
It seems I never write in this journal except on trips. When I'm home I am busier than I have ever been in my life. It's hard to even describe what keeps me so busy, but it has to do with 4 kids ages 5 and under. "Wipe my bottom Mom, " "Get me some juice," "Push down my peepee, Mom," "Hand me my puzzle," "Hey, who put the gerbils in Cammy's drawer?" "Mikie sure has a lot of sand in his hair," "Look at those millions of potato bugs that Cammy has in that open container in the kitchen," "Cammy and Katie have been in my drawers again!" "It's your turn to drive my ballet carpool today," "Paige is out at Canyon Racket Club and needs a ride home," "Stephen has filled his drawers and I dubs not to clean him up," "You know the bubbles you just bought for Cammy, Katie and Mike?  Well they are washing the front porch with them!" "Cammy just broke the lamp downstairs!" . . . "Well she made me do it!"  


Amazingly my Mom survived all this craziness that this life often brings. . . she did it!  And she did it so well in my opinion!  I often sit and think about how lucky she is that she can now rest from her earthly craziness and has moved on to heavenly craziness.  I'm sure she's as busy as can be up there!  

How I would love to be able to take a small peek at what she is up to! 

Squeeze your loved ones extra tight today!

November 20, 2016
 

Beautiful Costa Rica . . a little glimpse of heaven!

It's been exactly ten months already since Mom passed!  I keep thinking about what was happening with her at about this very time last year. It was not a good time. I had a pit in my stomach every day that she was at her care facility. It wasn't that the center was inept or bad in any way. It was clean, the people were nice, the care was good as far as I could tell etc. It was just the thought of her sitting in her room alone with no family around that made me so sad and feeling uncomfortable all the time. It's hard to think about and I tear up just writing about it. 

 

4 generations . . . November 18, 2015

Ironically, here is a video that I just found yesterday on my I-phone that was created automatically on my phone . . . "On this Day one year ago . . . "

A few weeks ago I was driving out in the west part of Salt Lake City, headed to a basketball game of one of my boys, and going in the direction of that memory care facility, and the fresh memories came flooding back. The tears came fast and took me a little off guard. Sometimes I am surprised at how easily the tears still flow at times.  

It's good to be on this side of things for sure . . . where she is happy and safe and with many of her loved ones on the other side! But, oh how I miss her! I have moments that come mostly out of the blue where I miss her so darn much, that I just can hardly stand it.  Tears flow fast and hard and drop off my face for just a few minutes at a time . . . and then life goes on as normal. Perhaps this will happen for the rest of my earthly life.

Certain things remind me of Mom on a regular basis, and I am happy about that. I think of her as I look up to the mountains that we have climbed many times together. I will hold those memories close forever. And certain music I listen to reminds me of her . . . especially Sleeping At Last music from her viewing video. (Click the link for a little sampling.) She loved music with a beat or beautiful, classical music and could often be found dancing around. Last Sunday as my extended family gathered at my Dad's house, I put my foot up on the wall in the front courtyard of their house, and put my hand straight up in the air, and sung out in glee.  "Who am I?" I asked. Everyone knew that was what Mom used to do along with her heal clicks and cart wheels.   

We say "Hi Mimsie" to her as we drive past the cemetery where she is buried . . every time we go to my Dad's. I'm yet to go to the cemetery and walk up to her grave site without getting emotional.  Maybe one day.  

Dad and I going on the first of seven zip lines

A month ago my family and a group of my extended family traveled to Costa Rica for a week long vacation.  Her absence was definitely noticed.  I'm yet to have an experience where I feel my Mom's presence strong and close, but I may have had a little taste.  We were zip lining at a place called Ocean Ranch and were on our last of 7 rides down the beautiful mountain.  We had a small climb up a hill to get to the top of the zip line . . and there was the most beautiful butterfly fluttering around right in front of me. My sister in law Jennie noticed it too. To me that was a sign that she was there! Ever since I read the book "Still Alice" about the butterflies, they have been special to me. Just because their lives have been cut a little short, they still lived a beautiful life . . . or something like that. :) I continue to wear my butterfly ring on my right hand and will always think of her when I see butterflies! 

Quote from Still Alice

Mom would have loved that trip, and that whole experience of being with many of our family members!  

Oh, how I miss her, and always will!  Thank goodness for the knowledge and belief that I will get to see her again one day.  Can. not. wait! Keep exploring those heavenly hills Mom.  Can't wait for some heavenly hikes with you! 

PS. This morning we just got word that a group of Britton's (my 16 year old son) friends were in a car crash late last night and two of them passed away.  Britt is shaken up pretty bad as he just hung out with Ethan Friday at lunch and then that night at the school play, and he has English with all the girls involved.  I am extra emotional just thinking of them and their families today and how their lives are changed forever.  Just another reminder of just how fragile this life is.  Hang on extra tight to your loved ones today! Prayers and love go out to all the families involved! 
 

Britton in Costa Rica, 2016

 
Hey Mom, will you find Lexie and Ethan and give them a big hug from all their friends and their families?  Tell them that they will be missed and never forgotten!  xox 

Britt posted a photo of Ethan on Instagram where his head is thrown back and Ethan is laughing. Britt says "this is how I will always remember Ethan, always laughing and making everyone else's day. Friendships last forever. Love you Ebot. D&C 121:9" (See photo below.) Click here to watch the Channel 2 News Story . .

PSS.  My thoughts and prayers are also with the Jon Schmidt family as they will lay their beautiful daughter Annie to rest tomorrow.  xox

Britton's Insta photo!

Vigil for Lexie and Ethan at Draper Park

Mom's 73rd birthday today!

September 10, 2016

Today would have been Mom's 73rd birthday!  Anticipating her birthday has made me think a lot about her lately . . . even more than usual!  I find myself going back to old blog entries that I've written from the past, and reading and reliving some of the days we had with her and her disease. I'm surprised how easily the tears still flow as I read and remember. 
 

Chi Omega pledge day, 1987 (Mom was a ChiO too!)

I'm so happy to be on this side of it now and not where we were a year ago. One year ago my Dad was talking about putting my Mom into a Memory Care place and that put a huge pit in my stomach. Her first day at the facility was September 28th . . I will not forget! I'm so happy to know she is now in a good, safe, and happy place! I miss her terribly and hope that there are some big celebrations going on in heaven today! 

Yes, it gets a bit easier with the passing of time, but I think my teary moments will come sporadically for the rest of my days here on earth without her. It's just not the same and sometimes I wonder how I'm doing it without her. 

I really can't speak for my siblings and for my Dad but I'm pretty sure they feel the same way and have their moments as well. We probably all will for the rest of our days.  

In honor of my Mom, our family, the ones that live nearby, are gathering for dinner tomorrow at my Dad's and then visiting her graveside. 8 months out and I still feel teary thinking about it.  

In going through old journal entries of my Moms, I came across one that she wrote on her birthday in 1978 . . . and a few journal entries after that . .

September 10, 1978  Sunday

I'm 35!!! -- and never felt better. Bore my testimony at church, was set apart as mutual president afterward. Mike gave me a new freezer, went to Margaret's for a nice dinner and ice cream and cake. 

September 16, 1978

Canned peaches all morning with Grandma Cora and Grandma Margaret. Went down to Foothill Village long enough to see Paige (sister) come in from her 6 mile jogging race. Looked pooped but finished. 

Saturday night was a special fireside at the Tabernacle with Spencer W. Kimball, the main speaker, along with Barbara Smith (General RS Pres) Elaine Cannon (Mutual Pres) and Ruth Funk (past Mutual President). It was the "first of its kind" fireside for all women of the church. 

Paige, Michelle Mattsson (sister's friend), Anne Stewart (Mom's friend) and I all went together. We sat right in the middle of the main floor. Thanks to Marilyn Ebert who saved us a seat. Afterward we bought peach pie and clam chowder and came back to our house to eat. 

September 18, 1978

It snowed last night!  Michael (brother) has a bad cold. Cammy and Katie (sisters) stayed the night with Grandma Margaret and Cora. I am working hard on a Mutual New Beginnings program, along with Anne Stewart. 

Mike and I have never been closer or had a better relationship!

Mardi broke a bone in her hand last week. (It got her out of practicing the piano for a whole week.)

One last journal entry I want to include . . skipping ahead a few years . . . I turned right to this today and LOVE IT!

April 4, 1981

I don't express often enough how grateful I am for all of my blessings -- particularly my children and husband and the church. If I could ever have a wish, it would be to have all of us live so that we could be together always. 

I also pray that my children might have testimonies and marry in the temple. But more than marrying in the temple, that they might feel the satisfaction of an eternal and happy family themselves. I also pray for motivation for my children - motivation to develop talents, do well in school, be honest and hard working -- and also be sensitive and kind and of service to others. 

In the case that my children and grand kids might read this someday when I am dead, I hope you will be turned outward and not inward -- not always worrying about yourself, but others. This is hard to do unless you're self esteem is high and you feel good about yourself . . then thoughts are more easily turned to others. Do for others constantly. 

It's 12:20am and I'm tired - the message is not eloquent, but sincere. 

I love you kids and your father! The church is true! Be strong in keeping Heavenly Father's commandments!  

What a treasure to have, Mom!  Miss you and love you beyond anything I could ever say!  Happiest Birthday! xoxox